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Have I ruined everything

531 replies

theheckisgoingon28 · 08/01/2026 10:32

Hi Im so sorry but this might be a long read. I just want too say everything so you all can see mayne why I feel the way I do.
been with boyfriend close too 2 and a half years. Severe issues with sex. For a good id say close to a year. I hate porn. It’s the worst thing to exist online in my opinion and I class it as cheating. Said all this at the start. When we had sex it would go on for hours with no end . After the first time I remember him saying ‘ I hope you ain’t one of them girls who thinks it’s because of them’ i said no but I did feel that way. Months went by still the same apart from the odd occasion. Now when he finished I felt so relieved. Didnt hate myself or feel disgusted with myself thinking it was me. Just to find out that so me how he had put porn on his phone with out me knowing and was watching it when we were doing it . To say iv never been so sad woth every aspect of my self is an understatement.
he said it’s because he didn’t feel like a man . But he would then watch it as soon as I left for work . So still no finshing but would send me videos when I got to work of him wanking and then phoning me after saying how much of a good wank he had ect. Honestly to this day it’s give me severe anxiety. He had a porn addiction and wanking addiction . To this day he says he hasn’t watched it since but I have found stuff on his phone so I know hes lying but he will flip out and then I think it’s all in my head .
so now I have anxiety everytime I leave his house , everytime I go to work in the morning . It’s so pathetic . Iv never experienced anything like this in my life . This morning we started doing it and he couldn’t continue because his back was hurting him. Fair enough . I got up got dressed and went to leave when he grabbed my arm and said I will not be wanking when you go to work and said it a few times . I said ok and left . On the way to work he sent me a what’s app . I don’t use my phone when driving so I pull over open it and I see a video . Instantly my stomach turns because in this video he sent me he is not full on wanking but his Willy is hard and hes wanking it slowly. He wrote under neath dont worry I won’t be wanking .
now this has all messed my head up took me back to exactly how I felt for the first year. To me why would you send that video after oddly saying I won’t be wanking when I leave then putting that caption under a video of doing exactly what you said you wouldn’t do.
I think he could tell something was wrong because he text me ok about ten mins after it. I didn’t even watch the whole video just deleted it . Iv felt so sad and sick all morning in work. I did reply and say I deleted it and I don’t get why he would send me it after saying he woundnt do it ect and how it made me feel like I did for the first year.
i could tell this pissed him off he just replied ok sorry.
then had a go saying i said no wanking not a skin touch ? What the hell. Then lost his shit and at the end told to me go shag Some one else . I just want to know if I’m in the wrong because I will say sorry or I have reason to feel the way I am . I havnt heard off him since around 6 and I highly doubt i will until maybe tomorrow. Thankyou

OP posts:
UltimateFoole · 08/01/2026 10:47

Can I be the first to say ‘what a w—nk-r’!

Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 08/01/2026 10:47

He swears on people's lives? Is he 15?

theheckisgoingon28 · 08/01/2026 10:48

I know Im not easy to be with anymore. I used to be a happy and fun person and I know Im not and that makes me sad . He always says Im in a mood but every day Im riddled with anxiety of porn and drugs . Every single day . I go see him and im trying to figure out of hes took anything today . Last night there was what I thought was a rolled up bit of kitchen roll on his kitchen unit . I didn’t see it but he said whats that . Then I looked and just thought kitchen roll and that was that . He was hyper yesterday. And I mentioned jokingly but it was in my head if he had been taking coke today . He just laughed and said no. We walked my dog an hour later and he said I know why you said about me taking coke today.
mom confused at this point and ask why?
he said because of the rolled up fag paper with white powder it in . So that’s what was on his unit . To me it was kitchen roll . He said it was just half a pain killer he tipped from a capsule because he didn’t want to take the whole amount. Now this makes me suspicious as it . Why not tip it down the sink ? In a bin . Why rolled up in a ball in a fag paper . We went up his and he said go on get it out of the bin. Now thinking of it I wish I did . But I said no . But the more I think of it surely if you thought your partner thought that . You wouldn’t even throw it . You’d keep it there to show them ?

OP posts:
Woody18 · 08/01/2026 10:50

theheckisgoingon28 · 08/01/2026 10:48

I know Im not easy to be with anymore. I used to be a happy and fun person and I know Im not and that makes me sad . He always says Im in a mood but every day Im riddled with anxiety of porn and drugs . Every single day . I go see him and im trying to figure out of hes took anything today . Last night there was what I thought was a rolled up bit of kitchen roll on his kitchen unit . I didn’t see it but he said whats that . Then I looked and just thought kitchen roll and that was that . He was hyper yesterday. And I mentioned jokingly but it was in my head if he had been taking coke today . He just laughed and said no. We walked my dog an hour later and he said I know why you said about me taking coke today.
mom confused at this point and ask why?
he said because of the rolled up fag paper with white powder it in . So that’s what was on his unit . To me it was kitchen roll . He said it was just half a pain killer he tipped from a capsule because he didn’t want to take the whole amount. Now this makes me suspicious as it . Why not tip it down the sink ? In a bin . Why rolled up in a ball in a fag paper . We went up his and he said go on get it out of the bin. Now thinking of it I wish I did . But I said no . But the more I think of it surely if you thought your partner thought that . You wouldn’t even throw it . You’d keep it there to show them ?

Stop caring about ANY of this shit and LEAVE!

Ithinkihatethislittlelife · 08/01/2026 10:51

theheckisgoingon28 · 08/01/2026 10:48

I know Im not easy to be with anymore. I used to be a happy and fun person and I know Im not and that makes me sad . He always says Im in a mood but every day Im riddled with anxiety of porn and drugs . Every single day . I go see him and im trying to figure out of hes took anything today . Last night there was what I thought was a rolled up bit of kitchen roll on his kitchen unit . I didn’t see it but he said whats that . Then I looked and just thought kitchen roll and that was that . He was hyper yesterday. And I mentioned jokingly but it was in my head if he had been taking coke today . He just laughed and said no. We walked my dog an hour later and he said I know why you said about me taking coke today.
mom confused at this point and ask why?
he said because of the rolled up fag paper with white powder it in . So that’s what was on his unit . To me it was kitchen roll . He said it was just half a pain killer he tipped from a capsule because he didn’t want to take the whole amount. Now this makes me suspicious as it . Why not tip it down the sink ? In a bin . Why rolled up in a ball in a fag paper . We went up his and he said go on get it out of the bin. Now thinking of it I wish I did . But I said no . But the more I think of it surely if you thought your partner thought that . You wouldn’t even throw it . You’d keep it there to show them ?

IT’S NOT YOU!

You aren’t the problem here. He’s making you feel worthless.

Listen - you have one life. one. Don’t waste it on this prick. You don’t need to be with him. You don’t need to be with anyone.

The faster you leave him, the better you will feel.

Kingscallops · 08/01/2026 10:52

Take his advice and go and shag somebody else. As well as being shit in bed he's mentally abusing you. He's the one with the mental baggage. Leave him to it.

Scout2016 · 08/01/2026 10:52

This is horrible OP. Honestly this is not fixable, it's too far gone, he can't be changed. Whatever wonderful qualities he may have can't redeem him from this scuzzy behaviour. He can help it but he does it because he cares more about himself than you and is a cretin. Please just leave him OP. You deserve better.

Endofyear · 08/01/2026 10:53

Honestly, the reason you're feeling anxious and sad all the time is because you're in a relationship with this pathetic excuse for a man. Why you've put up with him for so long is beyond me. Just dump him and move on with your life, you deserve SO much better than this! Get rid of him!

fleo · 08/01/2026 10:53

This is not a you problem. He appears to be doing a pretty to job of grinding down your self esteem. There is someone for everyone but I think you could do much better than this. He needs to find someone who is into his kinks. His behaviour is odd to say the least. He obviously gets off on the shock factor, problem is, when the shock of that wears off, what will he try next.

Leave while you still have a little bit of self worth. Find a guy who can treat you right and don't take anymore s**t

Icecreamisthebest · 08/01/2026 10:55

Relationships are supposed to make you feel happy and good about yourself.

When you feel so sad and messed up it’s time to walk away.

do you live together?

BMW6 · 08/01/2026 10:56

He's a really weird smack head with addictions to coke, weed, porn and performative wanking.

What a catch. Lucky you.

HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 08/01/2026 10:56

Oh just leave him Op… you haven’t been compatible right from the start and he’s severely damaged your mental state so why stay?

He sends you disgusting unwelcome videos you don’t consent to seeing…

Ditch him! Find your happiness elsewhere!

Flutterbees · 08/01/2026 10:56

He’s a sex pest with a porn addiction as well as a drug addiction. He has so many issues and none of them are your responsibility to resolve, but if you stay with him they will 100% become your problem. Make the break now, you’ll look back and be so glad you did.

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 08/01/2026 10:57

You keep posting about this. Nothing will change til you DO SOMETHING I.e. leave.

FuzzyWolf · 08/01/2026 10:57

Your life will be infinitely better without him in it.

yeesh · 08/01/2026 10:57

He is vile, you are wasting you life with him. He’s a liar, takes drugs and treats you like shit, you are unreasonable to stay with him.

FriendlyFlame · 08/01/2026 10:58

He's a wanker in every possible sense. Cut him lose, stay single for a while and have some therapy to figure out why you thought this was all you were worth.

Scout2016 · 08/01/2026 10:58

Oh good lord. You aren't happy and fun anymore because he's crushing you to breaking point. You'll be happy and relaxed again without him and all that stress. It might take a while but you'll feel a weight gone. This isn't how a relationship should be, you should be comfortable and they should make you feel better - more confident and supported and part of a team with someone you trust and who treats you well and you enjoy being with. Not someone who lies to you and has you wracked with doubt and ignores your boundaries and sends sexual content you don't want.

You don't have to put up with this OP it really isn't good for you and you will be better off without him.

GreyCarpet · 08/01/2026 10:59

Why on earth haven't you just dumped him?

You're allowed to, you know.

Deliberations · 08/01/2026 10:59

Wow - just Wow.

You say you hate drugs and Porn - yet you've stuck with this waste of space idiot for 2 1/2 years.

He's addicted to Porn and drugs and he's gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.

I hope you dont live together? Please leave him.

GreyCarpet · 08/01/2026 10:59

This is a prime example of someone treating you how you allow them to.

Sartre · 08/01/2026 11:00

My DH was addicted to it when we met. He’d been single for a long time and we were young. He had the same issue and just couldn’t finish, I mean he actually couldn’t at all at first. It really did hurt my self worth, I felt like I’d done something wrong. Also hated the fact sex became about trying everything possible to get him to finish. Anyway, I found out about death grip and confronted him. As soon as he reduced wanking, lo and behold…

Your boyfriend needs to do the same and if he isn’t willing to, bye bye.

HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 08/01/2026 11:00

theheckisgoingon28 · 08/01/2026 10:42

Hi he hasn’t for a while , the first few months I would get a few when I left for work . I do get the odd one now and then but havnt for a few months now . But I have told him a few times that I don’t want any photos or videos of that . But still he sends this

OP this is a crime. If you have said you don’t want him to send you sexual images or videos and he does it anyway that is sexual abuse! He is committing a crime against you and GETTING OFF ON IT.

Ofcoursenot2026 · 08/01/2026 11:01

He's a creepy pig and total shitweasel. Dump. Then get into therapy and figure out where you went so horribly wrong with your choice in man, so you never tolerate anyone this foul again.

pinksheetss · 08/01/2026 11:01

As someone who usually doesn’t get so worked up about men watching porn I would say here I think he’s being absolutely disgusting

watching it while having sex with you behind your back and sending you those videos after you have explicitly told him your feelings are disgusting and he has no respect for you.

This is 100% not a ‘you’ issue. This is a him issue and you will find someone better out there who is way more respectful of you. Ditch this one as soon as you can