Can I go to police over this? Potential blackmail

[Gaiad]

I am wracked with anxiety.

I have not been unfaithful. But over Summer we had a landscaper working on our garden. Nothing physical happened but I have to admit we were flirting. It was a mistake but even though we had the opportunity to take things further I did not as I am committed to my lovely dh.

Things took quite a nasty turn. The landscaper tried things on physically and I said something along the lines of “I want to but I can’t” :/. I mean god only knows what possessed me to say that.

Anyway, we swapped some texts where he said sorry and I said sorry back. We agreed we would maintain a professional distance.

The job ended but a couple of days ago I got a message from the gardener asking for £1000 otherwise he is showing dh our texts! I am absolutely distraught. I had deleted my messages and assumed the gardener would too as he is in a relationship. A screenshot was shown and one of my messages references that I said “I want to but can’t”. Very stupid for leaving physical evidence. I just didn’t think this person was so calculated.

He’s obviously trying his luck. But given he is trying to extort me would this be something the police could intervene in as it is criminal?

I know I am in the wrong. I should’ve removed myself from the flirting scenarios.

Yes it is, go to the police. I'm sure them having a word with him will get him to back off.

Did you post about this a few months ago, OP? About the guy making a comment along the lines of “what would your husband think if he knew?”

definitely take it to the police, do not send him any money

Yes absolutely go to the police. It’s blackmail. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were tempted but you resisted and anyway you can’t let this criminal get away with it! How dare he!

Sorry this is happening to you OP. Please don’t beat yourself up.

DO NOT under any circumstances send him any money. If you do, it will spiral and spiral.

All you can do is block his number. If he’s on social media block his accounts.

If he finds a way of contacting you or your husband asking for money then go to the police.

Yes report it to the police. He could be doing or planning to do this to other people and for someone, the consequences could be devastating ie some people take their own lives when they feel they have no n way out. Good luck

Yes I thought this story sounded familiar too

Yes go to the police. They’ll probably give him a warning and he’ll back off.

How did you find him for the landscape gardening? If he is on Checkatrade or anything similar I would report him too. He shouldn’t be taking advantage of female customers.

Yes I have posted previously. Thought I could change some details without it being too obvious.

Wish I had just been upfront with dh

Our neighbour recommended him. He is on checkatrade though!

What is done is done. Ignore the prick and he will probably back off once police have spoken to him. Don’t reply to his messages

That was my first thought

Didn't you go to police then? Why wait 2 months?

Even if he tells your DH you did nothing wrong. Maybe you will have to admit it was tempting in that moment but I’m sure DH will back you - it’s a terrible thing that he is blackmailing you.

Yes, you absolutely have to go to the police. He’s just trying his luck, hoping you’ll be too panicked to think rationally and will just pay up.

He has so, so much more to lose than you do. Do you think his partner would be over the moon? A criminal conviction and potential prison sentence isn’t going to do much for his social life. And who’s going to hire him when husbands will be thinking he’ll be trying it on with their wives, and wives won’t want the sleazebag to be alone with them.

If you told your husband that you felt intimidated by him being in the address with you due to his behaviour, and that you went along with the texts to try to pacify him until he left, would he believe you?

Also speaking as a police officer, this is definitely one to report.

Yes, police . He has probably done the same to other women.

things only escalated in the past few days. He made some funny comments at the end of last year when I turned him down. And he sort of tried to intimidate me but he finished the job without incident.

I can only assume he’s trying his luck now after an expensive Christmas. And my fucking stupidity is allowing him to do it.

I have since found out he is well known for his coke habit. He doesn’t come across addicted at all but apparently he’s big into it. So maybe that’s a factor also

From memory he wasn’t blackmailing her then.

Report to police as this is attempted blackmail.

The police can’t discuss the investigation with anyone else (data protection) so your DH won’t be told. It’s likely this person will be arrested and interviewed. Do not delete the evidence. What a dick!

Thanks you for saying this. That was my next question.

It’s only allowing him to do it if you don’t go to the police. Let them put the fear of God into him about the penalty for blackmail. Let’s see how eager he is to talk to your DH when he finds out the maximum sentence is 14 years inside.

His phone should get seized as well so that will hamper him a bit.

Would the police charge him? Would my name not be attached in that scenario?

He might do this a lot. Checkatrade imo is full of cowboys too.