Can I go to police over this? Potential blackmail

[Gaiad]

I am wracked with anxiety.

I have not been unfaithful. But over Summer we had a landscaper working on our garden. Nothing physical happened but I have to admit we were flirting. It was a mistake but even though we had the opportunity to take things further I did not as I am committed to my lovely dh.

Things took quite a nasty turn. The landscaper tried things on physically and I said something along the lines of “I want to but I can’t” :/. I mean god only knows what possessed me to say that.

Anyway, we swapped some texts where he said sorry and I said sorry back. We agreed we would maintain a professional distance.

The job ended but a couple of days ago I got a message from the gardener asking for £1000 otherwise he is showing dh our texts! I am absolutely distraught. I had deleted my messages and assumed the gardener would too as he is in a relationship. A screenshot was shown and one of my messages references that I said “I want to but can’t”. Very stupid for leaving physical evidence. I just didn’t think this person was so calculated.

He’s obviously trying his luck. But given he is trying to extort me would this be something the police could intervene in as it is criminal?

I know I am in the wrong. I should’ve removed myself from the flirting scenarios.

In court it would but not in the media.

Your name won’t be shared online
they might very well charge him

It’s not automatic in court cases (unless it’s rape etc) but you can apply for it.

I strongly suggest you talk to your DH. Tell him it was some flirting that got out of hand, you didn’t know how to extract yourself from it and you said something stupid to try not to upset him and now this has happened.

He made some funny comments at the end of last year when I turned him down.

Tell the police about this too.

And he sort of tried to intimidate me but he finished the job without incident.

This is also concerning. Also tell the police this too.

Police
Definitely
There was a woman near where I used to live that tried to blackmail a tradesman (so other way around)
Didn't end well for her
As of course the local papers got wind and it blew up
Served her right

Yes, contact the police. Or tell your husband, show him the messages and ask for his "forgiveness". After all, you only flirted with him a bit, gave him a face-saving no, and had a couple of emails. If it was my husband confessing to me I'd be angry he was such an idiot but I wouldn't be ending my marriage over it.

If he sends it to your DH, it might be worth claiming it's AI generated OP. You could tell your husband, that this guy tried it on with you, but when you turned him down he didn't like it, and is now trying to blackmail you with this stuff he's made using AI.

Your details will probably be suppressed. And it's not as if you had sex with him or drunkenly snogged him while he was pruning the hydrangeas. Anyway, I imagine one police visit should be enough to do it without needing to press charges.

Tell your husband you felt intimidated by the gardener’s proposition and were just trying to make the whole situation go away without angering him while he was still working in your house.

Then go to the police WITH your husband and report the bastard.

Yes I remember this story a few months ago.

Do not engage. No matter what he threatens. A coke head with a habit will stoop lower than anyone can imagine

Work with the police. Ideally they pull him in and examine his device.

I think of just tell him that of he sends any more messages the police will be informed .

My advice on your previous thread was to say nothing (I didn't know there were messages), but I think you now need to tell your husband.

"It was a bit of flirting, I backed off immediately. He got a bit nasty at the time but I thought it was better just to avoid him than make a fuss - that's why I kept away from the house while the work was going on. Now he's blackmailing me for money and he's making up lies*"

You can then decide if you want to report the bastard to the police. I would, he fucking deserves it and he's probably done it to other women.

And then you can start repairing things with your husband. Unless you're an Oscar-worthy actress, surely he must know there's something up anyway.

*The bit about 'I want to but I can't' - there's only the creep's word for it that you even said that.

I think I'd initially send a message telling him to leave me alone or I'll be involving the police. That would probably be enough to make him think twice if you don't want to tell your husband.

You probably should involve the police anyway, but that would increase the chances of your husband finding out about everything.

I got a message from the gardener asking for £1000 otherwise he is showing dh our texts!

That is blackmail. Whether you were morally right or wrong has been dealt with. Tell him you are reporting him to the police for harassment and blackmail (whether you do or not is you're choice).

I remember your other thread, honestly as long as it was all locked down to a few gazes, and an almost kiss, which you didn't act upon, you will be fine.

Tell him that check a trade and the local council business ethics department would be interested in his texts even more and unless he wants to be reported to charge you the agreed price

I’d reply and tell him you are reporting him to the police and then wait. He may back off.

Just be thankful you didn't sleep with him, given how he's turned out. Agree with everyone else about getting the police to warn him. Good luck.

I wouldn't reply at all (not even to tell him you're reporting him). Report him to the police and tell your husband what happened. He'll then have no control over you once it's out in the open with your husband. It might be a hard conversation but I think you'll find it will be a weight lifted

You’re right to feel this way re check a trade. You’re not actually the customer (believe it or not). The trades people pay significant amounts of money to be on that site - hence, it is they who are the customer of check a trade.

Tell him to go the Hell, call his bluff and say if he does, you'll report to the police. The cops would take this very seriously. However I don't think he would show your husband, he's trying it on.

What a dreadful man, he's horrible!

What would happen if you told your DH? You didn’t do anything, in fact you showed great restraint and love for your husband walking away from this situation. Don’t make it a dirty guilty secret.

I’d still go to the police about this. Do you think it’s likely he’s pulled this stunt before and it was premeditated?

I wonder if a married man who’d flirted and was being blackmailed would receive such sympathy

Absolutely no chance and the police have better things to do