to expect someone to travel over 4 hours to a funeral

[MurkyMo]

Would you travel 4.5 hours to a funeral of a friends parent in terrible weather and on B roads with you just getting over a bad dose of flu as well?

Probably yes. I did travel 5hrs for three funerals in the last 2yrs. Two of my childhood best friends mums, who I have known over 40yrs, and my god-father. They didn’t expect me to attend, but I wanted to go and pay my respects and support my friends. They would have understood though if the weather was bad or if I was sick. That puts a different spin on it. Sure your friend wouldn’t want you to put yourself at any risk to attend. So be safe.

If you haven’t seen the friend in 20yrs then no, I wouldn’t attend. I’d send a card and some flowers.

Yes there can be if there's some contact, of course it doesn't have to be face to face, but not seeing anyone and not being in contact is not a friendship.

I don’t understand this perception that attending a funeral makes you automatically more caring and respectful than someone who doesn’t. It reminds me of those people who post on social media about their good deeds
’look at me caring the hardest’

I presume the poll works as YABU to expect someone to travel to a friend’s parent’s funeral in awful weather. A real friend wouldn’t expect it and value the safety of the living

Also once in 20 years is not reslly a friend. You may not even go to her funeral.

Still.missing the point!!

If you have flu please don't go...there could be vulnerable people there and spreading illness to them isn't what they need when grieving.

Reading your update, no.

Thanks everyone. I've decided not to go as I am sick and couldn't manage the trip.

I hope you feel better soon OP.

I think we all knew that

haha!

Yes if they were a close friend. It sounds like you’re looking for excuses not to go!

Well I didn't fabricate the flu but thanks for your input nonetheless!

Without being ill I would, but with the illness factored in, not unreasonable at all to not go

I did a few years ago. No regrets.

Lots of churches and crematoriums offer live video streaming of funerals. You could send condolences, say you’re unable to attend as you have the flu, and are you able to watch online?

I'd forgotten about that. Might be worth asking.

Op is your friend expecting you to go?

Probably not.

I think if you're ill it's definitely bad form to go to a funeral, if just because they're populated by older people who don't need to be given the flu.

I'm sorry you weren't able to make it OP, but glad you've been able to stay at home and rest.

Sounds like you’re looking for a sympathy vote here. Presumably, the funeral arrangements have not been sprung upon you at the last moment, and that you truly value your friend’s friendship… so just get your plans in order - and go! That’s what friends are for. Walk if necessary. It’s that important.

If it meant driving through the Amber or Red warning, I would not go against state advice and risk my own life to remember someone else's. The flu comment is only relevant if you are potentially still contagious.

If either of my parents died, I wouldn't expect my best friend to do this to be there; I would arrange a separate service or time of reflection, perhaps when ashes were interred, and have another meal in the deceased's honour with the missing person there.

If you have flu, you've definitely made the right decision. If I was you and I didn't feel too grotty, I'd write a letter of condolence. Whilst cards are always fine, I do think a letter shows effort/caring. I had a few when DM died, including handwritten ones from the metro mayor and her union's GenSec. They were a real comfort, to think that someone took time out of their day to sit and write.

No