to expect someone to travel over 4 hours to a funeral

[MurkyMo]

Would you travel 4.5 hours to a funeral of a friends parent in terrible weather and on B roads with you just getting over a bad dose of flu as well?

@MurkyMo if the weather is bad, and thete are weather warnings in Place, it will be mad to even try. You could get stranded. Do not feel guilty.

I have yes, but it wasn’t expected of me, I wanted to do it for my oldest friend when she lost her mum. I live that distance away from where I grew up and have missed several funerals due to work, children etc. I try to make it when I can, but it isn’t always possible.

YABU to think an hour on B roads is significant enough to be prohibitive.

YANBU to choose not to travel for that length of time for someone you’re not close to, and a funeral you clearly have no wish to attend

No I wouldn’t go , not that distance in this horrendous weather.
I didn’t go to a family funeral once because it was held early in the day , and I had no way of getting that distance ( 3 hours round trip ) in time ( I have 3 young children )
Also it was someone I basically had no contact with at all and don’t have any childhood memories of .

In contrast I went to all other relatives funerals who I was much closer to and had time to make arrangements for my children to be looked after

I'd ask if there's a livestream - I didn't fancy travelling maybe a 6 hour round trip to a funeral at the end of last year and wasn't the only one.

It really depends how close you are .. in really bad weather I'd understand difficulty and it being 4.5hrs away.
You can still show respect by posting nice flowers a personal message in a card I truly don't think you have to be physically present.

no, it's really not.

apart from anything else, they've not seen each other for 20 years so she's hardly essential support. they barely know each other any more.

secondly, as if you'd walk a4.5 car ride recovering from flu in the middle of Winter. y you can claim your do it but we all know you're talking nonsense.

thirdly, if op is such an important friend, her friend wouldn't expect her to put her health and safety at risk for her. not true friend expects that.

yes I've gone to my friends parents funerals, and some in our friendship group haven't been able to. no one is angry or disappointed, there's more ways to show lube and support than making some grand freestyle like walking for hours in the snow with flu 🤧

no, it's really not.

apart from anything else, they've not seen each other for 20 years so she's hardly essential support. they barely know each other any more.

secondly, as if you'd walk a4.5 car ride recovering from flu in the middle of Winter. y you can claim your do it but we all know you're talking nonsense.

thirdly, if op is such an important friend, her friend wouldn't expect her to put her health and safety at risk for her. not true friend expects that.

yes I've gone to my friends parents funerals, and some in our friendship group haven't been able to. no one is angry or disappointed, there's more ways to show lube and support than making some grand freestyle like walking for hours in the snow with flu 🤧

no, it's really not.

apart from anything else, they've not seen each other for 20 years so she's hardly essential support. they barely know each other any more.

secondly, as if you'd walk a4.5 car ride recovering from flu in the middle of Winter. y you can claim your do it but we all know you're talking nonsense.

thirdly, if op is such an important friend, her friend wouldn't expect her to put her health and safety at risk for her. not true friend expects that.

yes I've gone to my friends parents funerals, and some in our friendship group haven't been able to. no one is angry or disappointed, there's more ways to show lube and support than making some grand freestyle like walking for hours in the snow with flu 🤧

no, it's really not.

apart from anything else, they've not seen each other for 20 years so she's hardly essential support. they barely know each other any more.

secondly, as if you'd walk a4.5 car ride recovering from flu in the middle of Winter. y you can claim your do it but we all know you're talking nonsense.

thirdly, if op is such an important friend, her friend wouldn't expect her to put her health and safety at risk for her. not true friend expects that.

yes I've gone to my friends parents funerals, and some in our friendship group haven't been able to. no one is angry or disappointed, there's more ways to show lube and support than making some grand freestyle like walking for hours in the snow with flu 🤧

no, it's really not.

apart from anything else, they've not seen each other for 20 years so she's hardly essential support. they barely know each other any more.

secondly, as if you'd walk a4.5 car ride recovering from flu in the middle of Winter. y you can claim your do it but we all know you're talking nonsense.

thirdly, if op is such an important friend, her friend wouldn't expect her to put her health and safety at risk for her. not true friend expects that.

yes I've gone to my friends parents funerals, and some in our friendship group haven't been able to. no one is angry or disappointed, there's more ways to show lube and support than making some grand freestyle like walking for hours in the snow with flu 🤧

no, it's really not.

apart from anything else, they've not seen each other for 20 years so she's hardly essential support. they barely know each other any more.

secondly, as if you'd walk a4.5 car ride recovering from flu in the middle of Winter. y you can claim your do it but we all know you're talking nonsense.

thirdly, if op is such an important friend, her friend wouldn't expect her to put her health and safety at risk for her. not true friend expects that.

yes I've gone to my friends parents funerals, and some in our friendship group haven't been able to. no one is angry or disappointed, there's more ways to show lube and support than making some grand freestyle like walking for hours in the snow with flu 🤧

For a friend's parent - no.

I would do a 4 hour trip if healthy (and have done) I would go if it was nearby even if I wasn't feeling great (and have done when 100% sure I'm not infectious) but absolutely no way both.

I would do both for my own parent or sibling though.

I would not go to a funeral of anyone but a very close relative or very close friend involving more than 2 hours travel.

If they have family support then I maybe wouldn't.

YABU to ask. If someone wants to go to a funeral, they’ll go.

Depends on the relationship. If it was a close friend then yes.

So you want them to infect the other funeral attendees with the flu????

If my BF I would travel through hell and fire to be there! Would set off day before if needed to make sure i was there.

Close friends, yes absolutely make the effort.

Not so close friends, would expect them to not expect me but watch on live link and call for a long chat and send a gift. Xxx

It’s okay not to go.
A funeral is about paying respects, not risking your health or safety. With bad weather, long B-roads, and recent flu, staying home is a reasonable, responsible choice. A heartfelt message, card, flowers, or a later visit still shows care. True friends understand limits.

If I cared about my friend, then yes.

Yeah, who cares about the health if any elderly people that could be attending. Expose them all to your infectious illness!

No but I would contact them on the morning of the funeral letting them know you're sorry you can't attend but will be thinking of them. I'd also send them flowers & a note to their home the week after the funeral so they know you're still there to support them if they need you & follow up with a message every now & then to ask how they are..