to expect someone to travel over 4 hours to a funeral

[MurkyMo]

Would you travel 4.5 hours to a funeral of a friends parent in terrible weather and on B roads with you just getting over a bad dose of flu as well?

Based on what you've said - no. Its not worth the risk and its not worth your health.

I'm not sure I really expect anyone to go to anyone's funeral tbh.

If someone is still getting over the flu I'd hope that they didn't go!

Can't figure out the voting!

Yes if the person meant a lot to me.

Well we have a thing in my family that how you treat people in life is far more important. So many people send lavish flowers to funerals when they would not have taken a bunch of daffodils to their home when they were alive.

Yes. I have done as i knew and loved the parents.

Are you close to your friend/ were you close to the parent?

TBH I wouldn’t even think of expecting even a very close friend to travel so far, in any circs, never mind such difficult ones, for my own parent’s funeral.

It sounds like you’ve already made your mind up & just want people to tell you you are right.

How is that even a question? Of course you shouldn't go. The flu alone should be reason enough to not go.

Sorry but no I wouldn’t

No, not in your circumstances

Coukd you go on the train?

I wouldn't expect a friend to travel to my parents funeral in those circumstances. I would rather they stayed safe by not travelling in awful weather.

Yes

Giving your update, no - I don't thing you'd be expected to go and you know they have support.

I am of an age where lots of friends are loosing their parents. I know cards and letter are a bit unfashionable now but I believe a death in family is worthy of letter or condolence card. I write sorry for your loss and then I write a memory I have of that person - a friend's father had a prank side. We were looking at his new fish in the garden pond and he was pretending to push us in. The brother lost his footing and fell in. We were all laughing. Brother climbed out covered in green slimy moss, and the Dad said well you'll scared off any fish looking like that.

Another's Irish mum had a saying for everything and every occasion. I listed my top 5 favorites and that I am reminded of her whenever I hear them.

It's had to know what to write but a personal memory, no matter how small shows that person lives on.

You obviously don't want to go so don't but just own it . If you really wanted to be there you would go despite these factors. I was at a funeral in aberdeen yesterday and everyone braved the roads except two over 80s is which is understandable

How well did the person know the parent? I never met my friend’s mother but she asked me to come. An hours drive in fine weather. A friend of mine knew my mother very well and flew up to the funeral - about an hours flight. I wasn’t expecting her to do it she just showed up which was lovely.
In your circumstances though, no.

Exactly!

Based on this, no.
I'd send a sympathy card, and ask if they were having flowers/donations to a cause and act on that accordingly.
I'd be wary of making other people ill, or catching something else.

This
You only get one funeral

Yes.

I would go unless I was physically incapable To support my friend even if I just went for the service and left early.

Let's just say I wouldn't expect anyone to travel that far for my funeral...

I’ve flown in and out same day for a funeral. If you want to make the effort you will, even if it’s gargantuan.

you don’t even have to know the person who died, it can be to support the person you care about who did.

if you don’t want to, then don’t. But it’s not the choice I would make.

Yes. When my DH died two Januaries ago people travelled over 200 miles in February, some leaving at about 5 a.m. (funeral at 9.30 as only time when all the bits fitted together). They included my DD's DP's parents, who I don't know very well, and friends DH had not seen for years.
I would do the same.

No

for those saying of course i'd go... two questions.
a. would you expect someone else to do it for you - as in your relatives funeral or indeed ask if of a future child's friend at your own funeral?
b. do you honestly think it's worth risking an accident and your own health over the feelings of a long term but not close friend who has plenty of other support?

9 hours round trip, op is likely to be travelling home in colder this icier weather