to expect someone to travel over 4 hours to a funeral

[MurkyMo]

Would you travel 4.5 hours to a funeral of a friends parent in terrible weather and on B roads with you just getting over a bad dose of flu as well?

Thinking about my close friends, yes I would go to their parents’ funeral IF I knew the deceased. I have a few close friends whose parents I’ve never met and would be weird to go to their funerals. Eg childhood friends whose parents saw me grow up - yea I would go. Close friends who I’ve met through parenting and have never met their parents - no i wouldn’t go. You can see how it depends, surely.

In this case I'm not sure I'd attend if it was local. Unless you're from one of those cultures where everyone you've ever met goes to the funeral.

I definitely wouldn’t be attending in those circumstances. Not a chance in hell.

For a close friend or family member: yes. For anyone else: absolutely not. (Is someone expecting you to do this? There are many other ways you can support them. Also later in the year.)

Has your friend said they expect you to make the journey? Maybe your friend would understand. But if you’re going to have a guilty conscience that you can’t live with, you’d be better off going. Nobody here can give you permission not to go. That’s for you to decide.

4.5 hours there and back? No to both unless the deceased was close family or friend

I definitely wouldn't unless I'd been close to the parent or they'd been a big influence in my life

4.5 hours is a long drive but i would do it
I am Irish,still live in Ireland and people travel from all over to go to funerals here - always surprised at who i met at funerals - I know funerals are different in the UK

Even for my own father in laws funeral we had people who hadnt seen him for years but still came
Its up to you however , if you cant attend i would write a letter or something to express your condolences

Follow your gut. You don't want to to go. That's enough. Send a card/letter and share a happy memory of the parent.

I would do this for a friend, yes. DP's mum died recently, a few of his friends did similar for him and he really appreciated it and will not forget it.

Sorry that's probably not the answer you wanted but I'm being honest, if you can get there safely I would.

To be honest I wouldn’t travel to my own parents funeral under those conditions 🤣

In those circumstances definitely no. Seems almost ghoulish to go to a funeral of someone where you had no role in their life and only a casual acquaintaince with their child who is now an adult

No way would I travel in those circumstances. So many places are icy at the moment, recovering from flu will mean your concentration probably isn’t 100%. It’s not worth the risk to your own life.

No i wouldn't but i don't find funerals helpful.

I only go to the funerals of immediate family. I hate funerals and definitely don't want one of my own. So no I wouldn't have considered going even without all the extenuating circumstances.

I would struggle to do that for my best friend in this godawful weather - for an acquaintance I've only seen once in 20 years I wouldn't even consider attending if it was in the same town!

If I felt my friend needed me there for support, then yes I would try and go.

If it made no difference to my friend whether I was there or not, then I wouldn’t bother.

When they are alive maybe? The person who is dead has no idea who is at their funeral.
Supporting those left behind is another issue.

No.
And from the way you've written it, you are the friend who's expected to go i assume.

If I -
knew the person well
its a close friend
the friend is struggling/has little support

No. Three reasons not to go, distance, weather and illness,

I woujdn’t travel that distance for a funeral anyway, unless it was a close relative or friend. Someone I’ve barely seen in twenty years, and feeling poorly, and travelling on minor roads, I wouldn’t go.

No, definitely not but I'm not generally a funeral goer anyway

If they have lots of support from a big family, and other local friends, then yes, they ABU to expect you to attend.

You've seen them once in 20 years? No, definitely not with all those negative factors. If they lived round the corner and you weren't ill maybe.

Agree.