to expect someone to travel over 4 hours to a funeral

[MurkyMo]

Would you travel 4.5 hours to a funeral of a friends parent in terrible weather and on B roads with you just getting over a bad dose of flu as well?

Sounds like you don't want to go. My husband has travelled a similar distance for the funeral of a friend's parent, he wanted to show his support for his friend and their family. If you don't want to go, don't.

I’m in Ireland so it would be expected, I know things are very different in the UK though.

or perhaps she trying to pre guess her fitness reaction so she can work out the best way to handle it / has had an unreasonable reaction from her friend and is trying to work out if it's her or df that's unreasonable

I wouldn’t expect someone to do that if I was bereaved (and I have been), so it’s a no from me.

Maybe if it was a really close friend and they could stay with their local family overnight if relevant, but not a round trip in icy conditions. I see you don’t see them, and only message occasionally so definitely not!!

No, if the weather is risky, and you've been sick it doesn't sound wise. I would send flowers, and a Sympathy card with a personal note to your friend.

Ps: I’d always go to a parent of a friend’s funeral if relatively local. If it’s a Jewish funeral, which is quickly arranged, not everyone can make it so you go to the house for prayers one evening to show your respects.

Different in Ireland or Irish families - I'm amazed at the lengths people go to and how soon the funerals happen. So for some cultures there may be more expectations than others.

Grief and bereavement makes people act weird - I know I've been there. I remember a friend offering to come over for my mum's funeral - it would have been an overnight stay for her, and 10 hours driving or trains there and back - she'd have known my family but no one else, I was grateful she offerered but I said no and I'd catch up with her another time.

Absolutely not, given this information.

To be honest, over 4 hours to a funeral would make me seriously think about it even for extended family of my own, never mind someone else's relative!

I would neither do that myself nor expect it of anyone else. Personally, I wouldn't travel that far for anyone's funeral unless they were a very close family member.

I wouldnt.
And also would consider anyone expecting that selfish.

I travelled 3 hours to the funeral of a friends parents with my newborn in tow and 2 days before I moved house and had a LOT of packing to do. Wouldn’t have dreamed of missing it, but it’s relationship dependent. If you don’t feel you should be there, you don’t need to be there.

The parent of someone you've seen once in 20 years - no, they won't expect to see you at the funeral.

No

No

In that circumstance, no.

if they had asked me to attend - yes.

Given your update no I wouldn't
This isn't a friend today but one from your past

I probably would. The snow isn't that bad B roads will be clear but I would stay over night to avoid travelling in the dark

I would only if I could use public transport. Where I am there are no buses or trains running, the roads are impassible so I wouldn't be going anywhere.

No I would not in the circumstances you described.

I would send your apologies and maybe send your friend some flowers?
If there's a chance of you risking your safety/getting stranded, I would hope your friend will understand

But it’s the parent of her friend who has died, not her friend. Would you have gone for the parent of your ex?

Yes if it was parent who I knew very well such as a childhood friends
If I didn't know the parent then probably not

You obviously don’t want to go. You know instantly when you hear someone has died whether or not you need to attend that funeral, you don’t need to make excuses. if you don’t want to go don’t. I’d never want someone at my parent’s funeral that didn’t really want to be there.