to expect someone to travel over 4 hours to a funeral

[MurkyMo]

Would you travel 4.5 hours to a funeral of a friends parent in terrible weather and on B roads with you just getting over a bad dose of flu as well?

attending a funeral is a personal choice

if it was a good friend who wanted / needed support I would try very hard to go - this could be one of the hardest days of her life

No, because no one should be spreading the flu around at big gatherings. That’s the last thing a grieving family needs.

I would also never expect someone to put themselves in danger to attend anything. Roads around here have not been safe the past few days. My Tesco delivery couldn’t make it from 30 minutes away. I wouldn’t expect anyone to drive 4 hours in that.

In those circumstances, no. If you occasionally message I would not call you friends anymore, just acquaintances.

No, but I would explain to your friend that you have the flu and you don’t feel you should spread it. There are potentially vulnerable people at a funeral

I would never have any expectation of someone attending a funeral at all regardless of who they are (except perhaps my husband if I needed him for support). It is such a personal thing for people and if for whatever reason I felt I needed a specific friend there for support I would be honest and speak to them.

I never force my DC to go to funerals either, my youngest (17) is very sensitive and struggles to deal with other people's grief as he has a huge amount of empathy, he came to his grandparents funeral and found it very hard so when a close friend of ours died he chose not to attend. I think it would have been too much for him. No one was offended at all.

I didnt attend my own nans funeral, she wasnt a nice person but I asked my mum if she wanted me there, she said not to bother to take the day off work so I didnt. I have attended several funerals of friends parents though to give them support.

I would have for a very close friend who I stay in regular contact with, but not for someone I haven’t seen in years. I traveled 6 hours for my grandads funeral, many people were expecting me not to go due to the distance so are you sure your friend wants you to go?

Only if it would genuinely upset the friend if I wasn’t there.

And they would have to be one of my very closest friends.

I wouldn’t travel that far for anyone’s funeral unless they were super close to me, bad weather or not.

Absolutely not.

Funerals, weddings, christenings?
Optional.
I would absolutely attend if it was a close friend or family member, but even if the weather was good, I'd not attend if I'd not seen them for years

No. Wouldn't go to the funeral of friend's family members at all - even if they were 2 minutes away and I was well and it was sunny.

Attending funerals is entirely a personal decision at any time.

No not under those circumstances plus getting over the flu.

i would send a card and flowers.

That entirely depends who they are to you…I flew long haul during Covid to get to a funeral, and I didn’t bother to do a 50 minutes tube journey to another funeral.

If I could, yes - if I didn't have the kids, if I could take time off work.

I wouldn't do the journey in a day in this weather, I would stay at least one overnight in the area.

If you don't want to go, just don't? Or take trains and taxi, it can't be that remote

No, I wouldn't, nor would I be expected to.

It's the friend you want to see (I assume). Will they have a lot of other people there who can support them? My problem with funerals usually is that the person I really want to see isn't there, which is really sad. And then you stand around trying to make conversation with people you hardly know or don't know at all, difficult times. I would probably go, can you book a travel lodge or something so you don't have to do the round trip in a day?

I would for my very best friends and wouldn't think twice about it. However for a more casual friend or colleague etc then no I wouldn't, unless I knew they were going to be there alone with no support.

God, no! Why are you even considering it?

Depends. If you're in Ireland then culturally you will be pretty much expected to make the effort. In the UK, not.

You're just coming out of flu - tell the truth, you are not well enough to make the trip.

I’m another that thinks you positively must take care of yourself OP. Travelling any distance is out of the question.🙂
Getting over ‘flu can be a very drawn out thing, I hope you feel better soon💐.

No but I wouldn't expect a friend to travel in dangerous weather either even for a funeral.

Given how you’ve described it, probably not, but I wouldn’t have planned to go in the first place.

If it was a good friend, even those who live further away, then absolutely I would. I had two friends travel 3 hours each for my dad’s funeral and it meant the world to me. Yes, I had a lot of family present, but these were people who were there for me, and it also means I’ve got someone to share the memories with in future.

Totally up to you, not mandatory.

If you feel crook, not confident in driving in this weather, then send your respects in the way of flowers and a message, apologise and don't worry. If the family are decent people, they will not mind in the slightest. Tbh, they will be too busy on the day to even notice everyone there and isn't there.

I wouldn’t expect anyone except close family to travel that sort of distance for a funeral, and I wouldn’t do it myself. I doubt I’d go to a friends parents funeral in any event. Most are live streamed now anyway.

This is what I'd consider acquaintances with history rather than a friend. It doesn't even sound as if you're an active part of each others lives so that's a heck of long journey to expect.

If I've only seen someone once in the past 20 years I'm not sure I'd travel 4.5 hours to go to their funeral, let alone their parents.