To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

We don’t do any of that stuff in the evening. We fit it in around other stuff in the day. We have two 7yr olds and have an evening together.

I don’t really get this. I finish work at 5, Dh at 4. He goes to pick youngest up from childcare. Eldest walks home. We have a mad few hours getting meals prepped and doing a bit of tidying and washing if needed. But once the youngest is in bed (usually no later than 7:30) we do nothing but sit on the sofa and watch tv. Eldest joins us then goes to bed maybe an hour before us.

This is obviously on a night where there are no clubs or activities.

What are you doing until 10pm?!

Honestly yes, we normally turn the lights off about half 11. Get up at 7. What's wrong with that? Loads of sleep!

DS goes to bed about 8, one does bedtime while the other loads the dishwasher. There is no need to put a wash on in the evening - do it in the morning and hang up when you get home/at lunch if you WFH. I sort lunch in the morning - there are 90 minutes between getting up and the school run.

We ate a bit earlier than normal tonight so were done by 6.30. I finished loading dishwasher and wiping round while DC finished eating. DH took bins out then headed out as he does on Tuesdays.

Did bedtimes (DC 9 and 8) and left them to go off to sleep at 8.30.

Stuck a load of washing on which took 2 minutes and sat down by 8.40.

In a bit I'll put the washing in dryer. Will take another 2 minutes. Dishwasher has finished. I'll unload it when DC having breakfast tomorrow.

So will have been sitting down, mixture of doing a jigsaw listening to podcasts and then TV for about 2.5 hours.

Do you really need to do all you are doing?

I think we got into a habit of doing these things at other times of the day. Dishwasher gets loaded and unloaded in the morning while the kettle is boiling. Laundry takes five minutes to load and I do it last thing before bed. There is very little to do in the evening besides a quick lunch prep and washing up after dinner (which my step kid did some evenings and every Saturday breakfast since the age of 11).

I always do the cleaning as I go in the kitchen making dinner and chuck laundry in along the way so I can have an evening from 8pm!

We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher

I think you are faffing around too slowly.

Washing up is max 30mins of work for 1 person to do. That's if elaborate cooking has been done.

Prepping lunches, 10min max.

Putting washing on, 2-5min.

Unloading dishwasher, 5min.

Two people doing housework in tandem, that's half an hour tops. Surely you can do a lot of that while the kids are getting ready for bed, or having their pudding etc?

I don't understand how you're doing 2+ hours solid of housework every single evening?! Do you live in a mansion?

Are your kids pitching in?

We do the washing and the dishwasher overnight and dh does the dishwasher emptying in the morning and I do the washing.

After dinner, nobody leaves till everything is tidy and as a part of that we get everything that can be got ready for the lunches out then. If anyone wants a sandwich, as opposed to stuff that’s easier and can be prepared in advance, they have to do it themselves in the morning.

Also, your 8 and 12yo can help with some of that, at least sometimes, can't they? My 5yo does. But maybe they are less compliant as they get older, I don't know, I hope not

How many hours roughly are you talking about every evening? You say at least until 10 pm but what time does all this housework start?

dishwasher runs over night and gets emptied in the morning

packed lunches get emptied at night rinsed and dried as soon as home.

Rough meal plan of simple weeknight dinners- chicken tray bake, spag Bol, chicken curry and so on, nothing that takes too long to prep or cook. My curry is cooking while the rice is cooking 30 mins max.

Reading with each child- while
one is getting ready for bed I read with one then they swap and so does the parent. The finished early parent goes down and clears dinner and wipes down the kitchen.

school/work bags are packed for yeh morning.

this would all be done by 7ish, then bedtimes, how long are the bedtimes??

We never leave a room without taking something with us. There is always a plate, a cup, something that needs to go in the rubbish. This approach means that there is never a huge mess to tidy up. First thing in the morning, bring the washing basket when we go downstairs, and put a load on first thing (on quick wash) that can be hung out before leaving the house.
Meal prep where possible (week night meals are often things like lasagne or bolognaise which I've prepped and frozen. When cooking meals like this, always do at least a double batch).
Each morning before leaving the house. at least one big job is done (e.g. cleaning a toilet or shower). Entire house hoovered Saturday morning, and only high traffic areas during the week.

We take the 'little and often' approach, which allows us plenty of time to just relax in the evenings once the kids are in bed.

Our regular chores done by 8pm I'd say. But don't have to make packed lunches.

Might be some hanging up of laundry later on.

Can your kids help doing more?

We only have one child but yes, basically, we watch some TV together and then read/game/chat/work (if needed) until we go to bed about 11ish. I make lunch in the mornings but we don’t really do much in the evening - cleaning up from dinner takes 5 mins generally, I might put a load of washing on but that’s only another 5 minutes or so. I might spend 5 mins tidying up before I go to bed. But that’s only 15 minutes and the rest of the evening is for us to spend how we like!

Yep, rejig your day. What’s your set up? WFH - do jobs throughout the day. Work out of the home - great, less washing up and general mess to tidy. Our house is definitely messiest on my SAHM days - kids around constantly making mess and snacking and no time or headspace to actually get jobs done is the perfect storm so I sympathise if that’s the phase you’re in! But your kids are school age so I guess that would just be a holiday issue.

One tip would be to put your washing on delay so it finishes when you wake up, then put it straight in the tumble dyer. If you don’t have a tumble or a washing machine with a delay function then get them!

Also. Sometimes just leave the chores? Honestly it’s 100% fine to do that sometimes. Why not prioritise an evening? Genuinely why. There will always be washing up and laundry to be done, I promise. There will be some to do tomorrow whether you do it today or not.
Take tomorrow evening off the chores and enjoy your evening.

I have a proper evening most days. Every morning I empty the dishwasher, put some clean washing away, load the dishwasher throughout the day, after tea tidy up properly & wipe worktops, dishwasher on, tidy up living room, then head upstairs to put toddler to bed, come back down to a nice clean house ready for some time to myself :)

We’ve done all the washing up/dishwasher stacking etc by 7:00.
Our DDs are younger (6&3) but one of us will do bedtime and the other will do the kitchen.
What is taking until 10pm?? Doing the kitchen takes me half an hour absolute max. DH empties the dishwasher before we go to bed.

How can it possibly take all evening to do that?

We take turns to clean up after dinner, the kids at those ages take turns to empty the dishwasher, putting washing on is a 5 min task, same for chucking in the dryer when it's done 🤷🏼‍♀️ Easily sat down by 8 if not earlier - I will go to the gym and be back for then if it's not my turn to do stuff at home

Well, the obvious one is that you unload the dishwasher in the morning.
Why can't the washing go on earlier in the evening?
Lunches take, what, 5 minutes? Which can be done before your child goes to bed.
Your time should be your own from 8.30pm.

I’ve never done any chores after 7pm.

I feel that way too quite often. 5 days a week there is no 'other times of the day' to do things that need done, they have to be done in the evening.

Everything is done by the time we've put the kids to bed at 7:30. Washing up etc is done by person not putting kids to bed. We do laundry on the weekend.

We have 3 kids and once we’ve eaten at around 730 we sit together and watch tv. We sort kids and do household jobs before and after work. I mean we could do more cleaning and tidying if we wanted to martyr ourselves but we don’t!