To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

To get more out of your evening I would:

• Move dinner earlier, if that's possible
• Lower your cleaning standards
• Just use the dishwasher rather than doing washing up on top of it. Plates don't need rinsing before putting them in, if that's what you're doing? If you don't have a full load, load it up anyway and leave it til you do (using a dishwasher is usually better for the environment)
• Do fewer loads of washing throughout the week by re-wearing clothes (also better for the environment).
• Make household chores fun, put music on, get everyone involved, kids included. Turn it into a game. Time yourself. See how fast you can get something done.
• Possibly go to bed later? I go to bed between 11.30pm and midnight most nights. Up between 7am and 8am depending on the day of the week. It's enough sleep.

To add, my daughter is 11 and has been responsible for emptying the dishwasher every morning for a couple of years now. She's also responsible for emptying the small bins in the rooms, bathrooms etc on Saturdays and sorting the laundry into whites, colours and blacks.

@Littlebittiredoflife your 12 year old is capable of helping more to make things easier and also your 8 year old.

Also I'm not sure why you're washing clothes everyday, do they have enough clothes to just wash over the weekends? I can understand washing more frequently with a baby but not 8 and 12 year olds.

Maybe it makes a difference if people are morning or night people. My brain is barely functioning before 11am, let alone loading and unloading dishwashers before breakfast. But at 11pm I will suddenly get a burst of energy to do all the cleaning. OH is already asleep by then. DD 4 usually won’t sleep till 9 so we literally have about an hour crossover where we watch tv together. Calling it an evening is a stretch.

Honestly, I'm mainly just lazy.

Washing goes on last thing at night, we work together on the morning to put yesterday's away and today's out.

Bathroom gets a 2 min wipe while I brush my teeth.

Run hot water when I start food prep to quickly wash up. Put washing up away whilst I make first cup of tea in morning.

5 minutes picking up and 10 minutes hoovering each morning, either upstairs or downstairs (stairs at weekend).

5-10 min dusting/ cleaning each evening.

Keeps on top of things enough for me.

After a certain age bed time is get in your bed and be quiet. Unless they have a long term sleep issue or some other extra needs I’m not faffing about hours to e to fall asleep. Sleep or don’t. The tiredness is the lesson.

I will do alternate days of reading or being read to then lights out. If they appear and try for conversation I don’t engage.

If it takes that long surely it would make sense you split it between yourselves and get it done faster?

I’m a single parent but I 100% notice the difference when my bf stays over and we get everything cleaned and sorted straight away. By 8pm we’re just chilling and watching tv/reading.

Couldn’t you do all those jobs in one hour and then sit down and relax?

Our daughter (19 months) goes to bed at 7.30 and then one of us reads with our son (5) whilst the other cleans the kitchen. Son then goes to bed. All chores are done by 8.30 and then we sit down and either play computer games, do hobbies or watch tv :)

DH works from home, so he does the laundry during the day. I get home at 5:30 and cook dinner and feed the dog, then DH takes DS for his bath while I clear up the carnage that’s left behind by a profoundly disabled child feeding themselves. Then DH and DS relax and watch tv while I do the washing up and prep DS’s uniform, lunches, bags etc and walk the dog. If I finish all that before DS’s bedtime I go and watch tv with them. At around 8, DH takes DS up to bed and I get my time to relax and watch tv, Then DH goes to bed early as he has to be up earlier, and before bed I do a 30 min reset of downstairs - just picking up any books/toys/mugs, taking the recycling out, putting away the dishes I washed earlier etc.

Oh but also yes, we are up until 11.30 every night 😅

definitely recommend shutting the door on the kitchen mess some nights and leaving it until the next day. The world won’t collapse if you have a bit of a messy kitchen. But you might collapse if you never get a proper rest.

Some nights I sit up late working. One night a week I might do some deep cleaning. But most nights we do dishwasher right after tea, quick wipe down and maybe empty a bin or two and the odd chore (but it’s not immaculate by any standards) and both watch tv after DD has gone to bed. I very much prioritise getting some down time - don’t care if there’s some mess.

I put laundry on first thing in morning. Never have a washing machine spinning in the evenings - ruins the calm vibes!

We have an evening, one of us puts the kids to bed while the other does the tidy/lunches/gets a load of laundry on. Usually done for 8:30/9ish and then yep we don't go to bed until midnight.

Do washing once a week. Get up earlier do lunch in the morning. Washing up and dishwasher - why both?

Allow a bit of a mess and you will have more free time ))

We have 3 kids, lunch prep while making tea (only one of them has pack up every day, the others are high schoolers and generally have school dinners unless music lessons or something).

Laundry goes in on a 60 min-ish wash and goes in dryer/hung up early evening, dishes go in dishwasher and unloaded in the morning, kids sort their own uniforms etc as they are old enough. Kitchen gets cleaned after cooking but doesn’t take long, kids help with feeding pets, someone will run the hoover if needed… there is loads of evening time, we don’t eat till 8ish either due to work, clubs, football etc. bits and bobs cleaning gets done as we go and the rest happens at the weekend.

But again, our kids are older and have later bedtimes so we have more evening to utilise.

We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night.

A washing takes 2 mins to put on. Prepping lunches, 20 minutes, unloading dishwasher 5 mins, washing up 20 mins? What are you doing until 10 at night? We have 3 children and sat down when they were in bed at 8 with everything done and ready for the morning. We both worked full time…

I agree. Our DCs are between 18 and 12. The two younger ones watch TV with us and then go up at around 9pm, which is fine. The issue is the two older ones (18 and 16) who don't sit with us but mooch around the house, chatting on their phones and walking in and out asking us to do things for them, so we never get the chance to just relax. That and the fact that DH has got into an annoying habit of waking up at 5am every day even though he doesn't get up until 7am which means he invariably falls asleep by around 10pm and I have to wake him and send him up.

So I'm sat here alone again, typing this, which I don't really mind, but it's not what I expected or thought I was signing up to all those years ago.

So tonight I got in at 4pm with DC, emptied bags and had a snack. They tidied their rooms whilst I hoovered, wiped the kitchen floor and swept out the fire. That took about 1.5 hours for me with a small break in between. So finished around 6pm. DH got home at 6:30pm and cooked dinner, he had to pick up food on way home as was missing vital ingredient, I think it was ready about 7:15pm. Eating dinner takes the kids ages so they finished eating at 8ish. Younger one needs help/supervision to get ready for bed so DH did that whilst I made lunches with the 12 year old. Finished all that about half 8. Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on. Took at least 1.5 hours for one person. Have to wash up as it won't all fit in and non stick pans aren't dishwasher safe, neither is some of our crockery. I did have some evening whilst DH was washing up but we never get time together.

I guess I just need to start earlier with dinner, I don't always hoover and am not a clean freak, it had been over a week since it was done and we'd taken down all the decorations yesterday so it needed doing. No matter how early I start with dinner end time is always delayed by slow eater!

Can't keep up with the thread so apologies if I've missed any questions.

I unload the dishwasher in the morning whilst I’m making the morning brew. It gets loaded at night straight after dinner. One of us loads it up whilst the other wipes the kitchen down but that only takes a few minutes as I clean the kitchen as I go.

I will put the wash on whilst dinner is cooking, same with making a lunch for the next day although that only takes a few minutes as I like to make something big for dinner on a Monday can last a few lunches.

So once we’ve eaten we take about 10-15 minutes to sort the kitchen out and then everything is done. We chill downstairs and then come to up bed at around 11 with a hot chocolate.

You can finish all the kitchen and laundry chores by 8 and still have an "evening".

I work with a parent who complains about this but she insists on going to bed at half 9.

Just to add - I'm a single parent, get home at 7pm. Feed my DC, clean up (sort of), vacuum, make sure homework is done. Eat myself. All done by around 9pm. DC goes to bed, I have a couple of hours to watch something, do my own stuff, potter about. Up at 6am, do lunches, get ready, get DC ready, out of the house at 7:30. Weekends - washing up, tidy up, shopping - Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon and Sunday - do fun stuff or simply veg at home.

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on. Took at least 1.5 hours for one person.

90 minutes? How big is your dishwasher?

Can DH not prepare the lunches and put the washing on whilst cooking dinner? Does what he’s cook need to be stirred every few minutes? It doesn’t take long to do a lunch or the washing and I always do this whilst cooking.

Same with the dishwasher. I always do it in the morning but if I don’t have time I will unload it as dinner is cooking. It takes about 2 minutes. If dinner is taking him 45 minutes he has loads of time to be doing the other stuff that will literally take a few minutes at a time.

A few people have commented about the washing up. I seem to have so many things that can’t go in the dishwasher (or I don’t want to put in) - wooden boards and spoons, sharp knives, non stick pans, plastic stuff as it’s stains or flips over and fills with water. I seem to spend ages washing up each day. Am I too precious?! (I do have an ‘evening’ though).

Is your house huge? Fancy meals? Or just taking your time with things?

I can hoover the whole house in 30 min (I timed lol or I put it off!). Fairly standard 3 bed terrace.

I cook from scratch but it takes me 20 minutes to wash up everything usually plus maybe 5 to put things away. Then a minute or two to put a wash on. How is that taking 1.5h?

Your kids need chores. Our kids take turns each night on cleaning the kitchen after dinner. They have a set day each and no matter what they have to do it. We go to bed with our younger children at 7pm and hubby and I chat together, plan our days, talk about the future, dreams and all the things and then he watched his shows on his phone and I read my phone, catch up on emails, catch up with people. No way am I slaving over the house at 10pm. Kids have to have the kitchen clean before 8pm then off to their rooms for quiet time and bed. Your kids are old enough to help after dinner and then go do something quietly before bed like read a book or watch some telly.