To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

I’m not quite sure how the tasks you describe are taking so long to do.

washing sorted and done - it goes into the right laundry baskets (towels/sheets, whites, colours) so I just pick up a basket take it to the machine, fill the machine put in a tablet and press the button. 5 mins at most and I usually do this last thing at night and use the delay button to make it start at about 4.30am so it’s done by the time we wake up. In the morning open the machine pull everything out and move it to the tumble dryer, press the button - 2 mins, during the summer it goes on the line which takes a bit longer but still only a 10 min job. Then folding and taking it to the right place is another 10 minutes, total of less than 30 mins work split into chunks over the day.

None of the jobs you’ve listed is individually taking more than about 10-20 minutes and there’s 2 of you doing it.

Dinner is generally something that takes very little work to produce during the week, for example tomorrow I’m making a spicy pork casserole in the slow cooker, all the ingredients are in a ziplock bag in the fridge already, I sorted that out while the kettle was boiling for my lunch time coffee today, in the morning I’ll empty it into the slow cooker and switch it on low then forget about it till dinner time. We’ll have it with microwave rice so 2 minutes of cooking time will be needed and then just serve it up and eat.

As you mentioned, I think the kids eating dinner at gone 7 isn't helping. If we know we can't all eat by about half 6 (clubs etc) then DH and I eat on our own after DS has gone to bed (sometimes 8.30/9pm) with a glass of wine and make it part of the evening.

I don't know how big, it's a kitchen diner. I hoover once a week on average.

I'm same as you OP, but we have an evening activity with either a child or one of us every week night so it's one person doing the jobs. I cook every night so there is always clean up. I am in awe of people who have early nights at 9pm. Things have changed recently for us as kids are older so don't need night time routine so I sit down by about 9 and they come in to say goodnight. Bed around 11.

I make lunches in the morning and kids empty dishwasher, I bring a bag of laundry downstairs at night and switch it on when I come down the stairs (sadly my last thought at night and first in morning is usually laundry). Theres always other stuff though whether its bathrooms need cleaning or laundry sorted or hoovering or stripping beds. I probably do a weekly job every day so I don't have hours of weekend chores.

overall tight time management ?

Can the cook not wash the pans as he goes along? Is there a problem with multitasking in this house?

I say this with kindness OP, I think you need to pick your pace up! And maybe the whole house hoover could be done on the weekend.

"roborock Q7 M5 Robot Vacuum Cleaner,10,000Pa HyperForce Suction, Dual Anti-Tangle System, PreciSense LiDAR Navigation, APP-Controlled Mopping, Robot Vacuum and Mop, Ideal for Pet Hair, Black : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen" https://www.amazon.co.uk/roborock-Q7-M5-Anti-Tangle-APP-Controlled/dp/B0DW8PMY8N/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_sspa?adgrpid=51969651063&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.3brQHIRcttpMYu4d9mJGEt4UhCd1jOXdQ8ENcY79v6IthyDuoP8zuEuo0i94ZrRvu-xs65ca4Q0kjtASuQYjVNGJY7lH-knOnKFxWia8C0ZHvmldexrxMKsv8NsFwSfjDxLZ3uU3-33ywBCNjaob2y1x2Mr0i6uNq8ZhFkhUde27lPFUQthlnmK3wlRqPOsPXw8-04IilTQ61H7WUOq3_A.d9QPrksaMljveb2jnniEhB5n88DEANGRr2juWz1tz4s&dib_tag=se&gad_source=1&hvadid=259065241659&hvdev=m&hvexpln=0&hvlocphy=1007423&hvnetw=g&hvocijid=1148865343355899673--&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1148865343355899673&hvtargid=kwd-301432648705&hydadcr=22255_1791315&keywords=robomop&mcid=2ecbfa9fada432ba8cc37b60d0af2946&qid=1767743159&sr=8-6-spons&aref=r5mEEzHWjl&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfbXRm&psc=1

Mumsnet were very happy with robomops I was reading over Christmas.

My DH gets cross if I don't wash as I go. He always does the pans before sitting down.

We eat dinner super early. I usually have it ready for 5/5.30. We all sit at the table and the boys clear the table and stack the dishwasher and spray and clean the table. They then get showered and pjs on whilst I sort the kitchen and DH deals with the dog. We read together or hang out and then DS6 bed for 7-7.30. I read with DS9 then he goes and plays with some lego or reads and heads to bed. From 8pmish we are slouched on the couch watching all our shows.
Washing i do 1 load a day and iron and put away the next day bevause it ruins my evening looking at washing.

I work shifts so get proper cleaning done when everyone else is out the house and DH generally follows the same routine as me with kids when hes in charge on my day shifts.

Oh gosh, you are like my friend @Littlebittiredoflife watching her do anything is fecking painful-so slow! And unable
to multi task.

Like I said in a previous post I unloaded my dishwasher and made my packed lunch simultaneously with cooking a quick curry. All 3 things done in the same 30 mins.

My friend will waft about doing one thing at a time without any momentum.

If you are a faffer I don’t think you can change very easily. I’m a bit of a whirlwind and do things (badly) at 100mph. Neither is better or worse really, it’s who you are ☺️

When DH had to work later in the summer the boys ate around half five. Then home work. We ate together much later.

I can't think how you'd wash as you go, the pans finished being used as dinner is served- it would be cold but the time we ate? And yeah I think we'd both struggle following a recipe and stopping to wash up. I can manage putting things away in between like ingredients back in the cupboard or things from the draining board.

I have a cleaner these days because of health issues. She's a whirlwind. I wish I'd had a cleaner years ago.

Have a look at homewithroo on Instagram or facebook
she does a timer method which really helped me, effectively you set a timer for however long (30-60 mins) and that’s how long you clean/tidy etc for. After that it’s done for the day

I wash up as I cook, by the time the meal is ready I want all the dishes done and on the side drying

hoovering - quick hoover! Edges are for weekends. Quick go over during the week then at the weekend you can just do the edges/under furniture

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on. Took at least 1.5 hours for one person.

That is excessive to be honest, you should be able to do that in half the time!

As well as the ball ache of cooking from scratch most days instead of batch cooking, It sounds like you are starting too many chores after the kids are in bed, or you are used to doing things a certain way/order which is eating into your time together. Did you really not have time from 4pm - 8:30pm to sort a load of washing and put it in, or do the lunches for the next day? Can the kids not help more? Surely all that can be done before dinner if you are having a late dinner?

It sounds like you need to plan better so all you are doing after dinner is a small amount of washing up/putting away, that normally happens here while the other puts kiddo to bed, so by 8:30/9:00pm we're both in the lounge together watching something.

I have been wondering this also. We have 4 children and I don’t usually sit down until 10/1030 and I still can’t keep up with everything! It’s crazy! Reading the comments with interest!

My DH batch cooks at the weekend. A joint/chicken in the slow cooker on a trivot of vegetables. Mixed vegetables in the air fryer. Five-egg omelettes with onions, mushrooms and peppers which we cut in half for breakfasts for two.

There is literally no pan or tray that cannot go in the dishwasher. Try it. Maybe use intense mode and don't use own-brand dishwasher tablets.

We load as we go, so dinner is plates, cutlery and glasses with the container the food was stored in. We got rid of the fancy crockery with gilt because it couldn't be used in the dishwasher or microwave, in favour of Denby pottery.

We hand wash fancy wine glasses, pan handles (we have a Tefal system), wooden utensils, the slow cooker pot and lid - too big fornthe dishwasher.

Laundry is done weekly on a single day when we put several loads on.

Also you might want to consider getting a cleaner. Evej if it's just for the bathroom and kitchen once a fortnight. I decided a long time ago that my time was worth its weight in gold, so I have paid for a cleaner for 15 years.

They tidied their rooms whilst I hoovered, wiped the kitchen floor and swept out the fire. -why are you hoovering and wiping floors on a Tuesday evening? Did you sweep out the fire and then light it or did you just sweep it out for no reason?
That took about 1.5 hours for me with a small break in between. WAY TOO LONG!

DH got home at 6:30pm and cooked dinner, he had to pick up food on way home as was missing vital ingredient, I think it was ready about 7:15pm. - that’s good timing I suppose.

Eating dinner takes the kids ages so they finished eating at 8ish.- after about 15/20mins when I was finished eating I would be getting up and cracking on with the washing up while they eat, you don’t need to sit and watch them surely!!?

Younger one needs help/supervision to get ready for bed so DH did that whilst I made lunches with the 12 year old- seems fair!

Finished all that about half 8.

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on. Took at least 1.5 hours for one person. Have to wash up as it won't all fit in and non stick pans aren't dishwasher safe, neither is some of our crockery.- this is taking way way too long! Sounds like you are faffing, if you started while dc was eating and sped up a bit you would have more time!

I would never mop or hoover after getting in the door on a Tuesday! We have a robot vac/mop anyway but before that it was a weekend job! I make lunches in the morning.

@Littlebittiredoflife we finish work at 4:30 and are home before 5. Make and Have dinner and kitchen is back to normal by 6:15. (Fast eaters) the rest of the evening is ours. The whole house goes to bed for 9:30. Dc are 10 and 12. We make lunches in the morning.

edited to add I’m only awake because I have a sore back and it woke me up 😭

With respect, it sounds like you're both just incredibly inefficient.

1.5hrs to do a bit of hoovering and wiping a floor is ludicrous. Whoever is cooking dinner should be able to make tomorrow's lunch whilst dinner is on the hob. Clean all the chopping boards, knives etc as you go, wipe the worktops down as you go. I don't have a dishwasher and the only things still to wash once dinner is plated is the crockery and cutlery we've used to eat and whatever pan was served from last (but it will be soaking ready for a quick wash once we finish eating). Washing the pans before they fully cool is miles easier and quicker.
How many pans are being used for these dinners if it's taking an age to wash them? Perhaps stick to one pot type dinners or bakes that you can just stick in the oven and walk away from?

Why can't you be putting washing on and washing the pans whilst the kids finish eating, given it's a kitchen diner?

Why not switch to having something for dinner for which you had all the components, rather than a trip to the shop to get a key ingredient?

Fill the sink with soapy hot water. Dish up each food put pan in sink other half washes it and drains or a child to be honest. By the time everything is dished up most things are draining. Enjoy your meal. Everyone takes their own plates, cutlery and puts them in the dishwasher. Wipe down table, sides, finish washing up and move onto something else.

Do you really work from recipes for busy weeknights? I only cook the things I can do in my sleep when I have limited time, save the new things for weekends and WFH days.

I chuck everything in the dishwasher as I cook with pans straight in to soapy water in the sink so after eating they just need a quick wipe and rinse.
It sounds like you are making the evening really complicated. Which is fine, but it means sacrificing slobbing in front of the TV.

The curry I made tonight uses a homemade paste (but pre-made) so all I had to do was chop veg and chicken and lob it in. Whilst it was cooking away I could do other things. I barely had to look at it as it’s autopilot.

G

I'm the same OP. Friend was telling me earlier how she and her DH play board games and do crafts in the evening when the kids are in bed and I was completely baffled.

DH doesn't get in from work until about 9pm, so I sort after school clubs, homework, cook tea, eat tea with the DC, put on any washing, play with the DC if time, and do stories and bedtime. I'm lucky if mine are asleep before 9pm.

Once they're asleep I usually sort the pets, hang up the washing to dry/put away anything dry, iron uniforms and clothes for the next day, do packed lunches, and sort out all of the mess which seems to take absolutely ages. I have to do everything mega quietly because DD2 wakes up at the drop of the hat, which is a pain. DH eats his tea when he gets in and then does the washing up/dishwasher/cleans the kitchen, and is then straight to bed as he's up at 5am. I'm never in bed before midnight!

@Littlebittiredoflife if you have hoovered today (3 bed, edges done) for an hour then you don't need to do that tomorrow or the next day.

So that is one hour gained? How will this hour be used tomorrow? As in will you fill it with other housework instead of "your time". Because it sounds like you've done most of the heavy lifting today on washes etc?

We tend to have days that are blitzing stuff that needs to take a bit longer and then more free time the days after.

Batch cooking as pp have mentioned is your friend.

As you mention it is worth tracking what you are spending your time on so you can see if you are faffing or filling time which you can claim back.

Good luck as I do think people are right in saying things are taking a little longer than they should but some of the 2 mins tasks etc are a bit under my timings but even I think there is something you can claw back here.