To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

That's good.

Same, born 1977.
Unfortunately although my mum was a good single parent, she said and did stuff that did traumatise me ... But that's probably due to my brain being ADHD/RSD etc

How can the dishwasher be full from maximum four plates, four knives and four forks, and perhaps a bowl?

I don't do chores past 9pm at night. DD10 has lights out for 9 and that's my adult evening time I til 10 or 10.30. Chores are done at other times.

15-20 minutes? Did you time that? Because if that's how long it takes you to find ingredients and basic cooking equipment I can only imagine you're living in either a mansion or some kind of hoarding situation!

I think maybe you're just not using time efficiently. I am nowhere near being a perfect housekeeper but even I could get a huge amount done in 15-20 mins!

I just loosely timed myself sorting out the laundry this morning. At just after 10:25 I emptied the dryer and sorted the clothes into two piles one pile to be ironed and the other to be folded and sorted. I folded and sorted, matched up the socks, folded my underwear (yes I do this) and put everything into piles belonging to each person. I then ironed everything that was left. So that was.
Two school shirts
Three jumpers
Two polos
One pair of trousers
Two pairs of school trousers for ds10
Two long sleeve tops.
Four pillowcases
I finished this at just before 11. DD12. Has already been given hers and brought to her room. I brought the rest upstairs as I was grabbing the swim bag.
That’s pretty much most of my laundry done. I have four items in the dryer because they needed a little bit more time.
I started my laundry yesterday morning at about 8am I put on two loads. I hung them up. And we went out for the rest of the day.
I popped everything in the dryer this morning just to get the last little bit of damp out. That’s my laundry done for the week.

Well , presumably there's cups and bowls and teaspoons and glasses and stuff as well.

Dishwasher in the morning

Load of washing folded in lunch break/AM if kids are up early.

Next load of Washing on a wash followed by a tumble dry around 6pm. (So clean and dry to be put away tomorrows lunch)

Flick the hoover round after the toys go away at about 6pm.

Clothes come out ready for the next day when we take children up to bed

Wipe work tops/load Dishwasher after each meal.

Dinners mid-week are kept simple.

Mine are younger so usually asleep by 7.30pm

Surely they’re not all using a bowl every night, and half of the washing is still being done by hand.

Breakfast?

I don’t get this at all, son an adult now but even when I went back to work, I’d pick him up from school and we’d come home together, husband worked long days in London or away but I’d still have everything done ready to sit down to watch TV at 7 then bed at 9ish to read. I am a very organised person and like a routine and did only have one child but can’t imagine I would have been any different with more than one, probably worse. I know people will think I was too rigid but it worked for us.

I couldn't care less if people think Im rigid,I have a super easy regime that keeps my house and household running nicely
No mess or fuss.
No clutter or piles of laundry or ridiculously elaborate dinners.
My absolute priorities are to have downtime and good sleep.
Faffing about all evening so you then stay up until stupid o clock as revenge procrastination is not for me but seems to be a thing nowadays.
Nope everything sorted and done by 7.30 , bed 9.30

It's not a bad thing to be rigid about, getting time for yourself.

Agree
Its absolutely something women have to make a priority
I realised DH just " took" it so I decided hell yes, me too!

Nothing wrong with being rigid! I am and get TONS of time to myself. It's lovely!

Same.

I am ridiculously efficient with domestic stuff (and excellent at delegating) because we have a small house and it stresses me if it's upside down. But I also need time to do nothing so I take it.

Absolutely.
And reading the OP's posts carefully, it's clear that she does have breaks during the evening while doing tasks (the housework on the first evening she described included a short break) and when her DH was doing something it wasn't clear what OP was doing.
If you have breaks while doing things the breaks always end up being longer than you think, the tasks take longer and you end up not "having an evening" when actually you have had an evening it was just in chunks between other tasks.
So yes, a seemingly rigid regime can help enormously.

If it’s taking you 15 minutes to find crockery and ingredients for dinner it sounds like there is a hoarding issue.

I highly recommend looking into a professional organizer to help you declutter and stream line.

I'm in the same boat op, all I want is to sit down in bed and read my book in peace but by the time everything is done all in bed I'm too exhausted 😩

Read the book.

I promise you, on your death bed, you will not think "I wish I hadn't let the washing basket turn into a washing mountain". But you will be sad if you've not done things that make you happy.

Leave the washing sometimes. Read the book.