To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

Um. Yes we do sit and wait, chat about the day and then have dessert together. If we get up youngest stops eating and is underweight so needs to keep going. It feels rude to leave when someone hasn't finished too. Can't let DD have dessert until youngest is finished as he really will stop eating his main then. Sometimes will send DD up to shower but she usually gets distracted with a book and going to toilet so we then have to abandon that plan and get youngest to wash. Could try again with kitchen jobs whilst youngest finishes eating as he is older now and might carry on eating.

I get you OP, I also don’t have an evening. Kids don’t sleep and I am exhausted so go to bed at the same time as them.

I'm a single parent to my own 3 DC plus legal guardian to my nephew. By the time all kids are in from school, fed, showered/bathed and I've done a few lots of washing (darks and colours, whites, towels) then done the washing up it's easily 8-9pm. It's hard juggling household chores on top of children. Ignore those who say they have all their kids fed, bathed and in bed for 7pm. That's not realistic for a lot of us

I have kids the same age as you and don’t understand how you haven’t got an evening! Loading the dishwasher and putting a wash on doesn’t take hours. Prepping lunch is what 5 minute job, 10 minutes tops?!

I finish work at 5, all chores and dinner etc done by 6.30pm at the latest. I do go to bed at midnight, so have 5.5 hours of an evening.

It sounds like you take way too long to do things and go to bed too early

Specifically tomorrow we won't get in until 6pm and Thursday about 5:30pm, hence why today was the only day I could realistically hoover (due to taking decs down yesterday afternoon/evening). So no time gained and still dinner to cook etc. I will have to try some ideas here and see what difference it makes.

I wouldn’t have an evening if I wanted to go to
bed before 11pm.
That's why I stay up until between midnight and 1am 🤣🙈
I’m only up at 7:30 or just after so thats about enough sleep for me.
If you need more sleep then unfortunately you may not be able to have both those whilst your children are still young.

The whole list takes 1.5 hours. Unload dishwasher, load dishwasher, dry up, wash up, sort laundry and put load on to finish in morning

1.5 hours? That 'whole list' is 30 mins max. 5 minutes to unload the dishwasher. 10 mins to load it. Wash up the few bits that don't fit - 10 mins. Stick a load of laundry on - 5 minutes.

When we get in after work we'll usually be busy for an hour. Dh is usually in the kitchen doing dinner, dishwasher, lunch bags, feeds the dog etc. I'm having a general tidy round, stick a laundry load on, put some laundry away, 15 mins reading with dc3, run the hoover round.

You won't find me doing busy work anywhere near 8pm never mind 10 😂

I'm awake now and will be very tired in morning. 11pm would suit me best for 8 hours maybe 8.5

Why are you having dessert every day?…no one needs dessert daily imo. what is dessert? Fruit and yogurt? if it’s a kitchen diner then you could still talk to him while cleaning yes.

I mean theoretically if you are all hanging about chatting while waiting for dc and then having dessert. That is your evening. Do you then wait for him to finish dessert too. I’m sorry I just couldn’t do that. I mean theoretically odd time it might happen, but not habitually. I spend my time with them on the couch chatting or playing a board game etc

Just been thinking it through, most of what I do is so automatic I don’t even realise I’m doing it, but I think me of the biggest ways I’m able to be efficient and save time is by completing tasks first touch rather than spreading them out. So when unpacking the shopping I’m batching up meals/snacks, for example DD takes a tub with cucumber slices into school every day, so when I take the cucumber out of the shopping bag I slice it up and put it into snack tubs then put them in the fridge. Instead of just putting the pack of chicken breast away, I empty it into a ziplock bag with some marinade and then it’s ready to just cook. When folding the laundry it goes straight up into rooms it doesn’t go into a pile to be put away later, while the kettle is boiling I sweep the kitchen floor or do the washing up…

I totally agree. My partner worked away so I was on during the week. When they were younger and at nursery by the time we got home it was nearly 6pm and then there was tea, baths, reading etc all of which needed my full attention and then there were the jobs to be done.

I get that working from home helps a lot with being able to keep up with tasks but all these people saying lunches take 5 minutes - they don't when you are doing it for yourself and 3 children - it takes a lot longer!

I only really started having my evenings to myself when they were not needing lifts to and from football, rugby etc so more like age 15 or so. Sorry that won't be encouraging although it sounds like you have 2 of you doing it which helps.

I also do not touch laundry on weekdays! It’s a Saturday morning job for me. Washing is done by 9:30 and then it’s outside by 10 or in the dryer.

What? We don’t even have a dishwasher and we get hours to ourselves in the evening. Why are you taking so long doing normal day to day chores? What are your kids eating for lunch that takes so long to make?

I’m making a spicy pork casserole in the slow cooker, all the ingredients are in a ziplock bag in the fridge already

This is a genius tip (ingredients in the zip lock bag) that I've not heard of and I look for them all!!

I've always struggled with the slow cooker approach, unless I was going to be up earlier than usual to prepare it all which seemed to defeat the object and I felt cheated. The fact I can prepare the whole lot to dump in in the morning whilst prepping when convenient the night before is going to be a game changer!

I did wonder what people meant when they say bung a load of veg and meat in (I always think, well...prepare and bung them in 🤷).

Thank you!!

Ah see there you go OP.

It’s good that you prioritise sleep, I don’t but I can happily function on 6.5 to 7 hours on weekdays. Sometimes I do 7.5 to 8 on weekends.
You don’t have to do housework every night or to a high standard. It can wait until you have more time. Get the kids to pitch in too.

Plus each child has different needs. There's only one of me and four of them. As long as they're each fed, washed and settled each night that's a job well done for me and one of my own DC has ADHD so you can imagine how fun bedtime is 😵‍💫. And no way do packed lunches take 5 minutes unless you've got 10 extra hands helping

My two takeaways from your posts, OP, are:

You (both) take too long to complete simple tasks, and
You are making too much washing up and need to focus on simple midweek meals.

I wfh today and dp came home at 16:40.i know this because I looked at the ring doorbell.
I was taking ingredients out for dinner when he came in. I made a chicken korma from scratch with rice. Dinner was made, eaten and kitchen tidied with a candle lighting by 17:44 (I know this because I went to the loo…and on entering the loo, my friend text me so I messaged her before I actually went to the toilet!)

Given it was Decs down etc last 2 days and.you've done so much today. In my house it would be focussed on an easy dinner, beans etc as you mentioned, homework and showers. Everyone should have clothing for tomorrow. That shouldn't take you beyond as a family by 8:30 -9pm and that would be me being generous on timings.

That's just me though so I guess as you said maybe have a look at what you are spending time on and change it up. Wishing all the best as having some time not doing the drudge is really important.

What snack are the children having when they get in? If you’re all sitting down to eat together and they’re then taking ages to eat their dinner, are they too full from their snack?

I have to say OP, I find the entire situation very confusing. Some of your timings are frightfully long!

I have a cleaner once a fortnight. Between us, the rest gets done fairly easily, load the dishwasher after dinner, quick wipe of surfaces, then we chill. We both relax every night for a few hours. I mean how much work can making lunch be? Don't do a wash every day.

My kids are older now.

I think you need to either work harder or smarter, get the kids involved and or lower your standards and prioritise your well-being, your partners and your relationship.

Could you meal prep on a weekend and batch cook some meals, could you have a quick easy evening meal some nights or get organised and eat a bit earlier. Alternatively could you get kids to empty bags. Or could you wake up slightly earlier and make lunches and or empty dishwasher when its quieter.

To be fair, if you only hoover once a week it's going to take more time/effort than if you hoover more regularly. That's a higher effort cleaning task than most people choose to do on a weekday evening.

We tend to do a quick hoover of the kitchen/living areas + stairs during the week (daily, if poss) to keep on top of it. Takes 7 mins max.

Floor washing, the same. If you're giving it a thorough clean, it's going to take time. In our house floors only get a spot clean with the spray mop if needed during the week.

So that's a good chunk of your evening downtime gone already in doing tasks that many households keep for weekends.

Taking ages to clean up/ wash up baffles me. My DH is like this and so inefficienct. Instead of leaving the dishwasher open and putting things straight in the dishwasher, he stacks everything then near the dishwasher. Then scrapes/rinses. Then puts things in. Each item gets touched min 3 times.

Also - and I I don't know how to describe this without sounding weird - he doesn't assess the plan of action like I do. I'll look around and quickly assess what I'll prioritise for the dishwasher, and what order I'll tackle kitchen tasks. For instance, he'll put the pot and steamer basket from steaming veg in the dishwasher (which barely needs to be washed) and handwash the pot used for the casserole. This is the same for cooking too, actually. I'll scan a recipe (whether in a book/website or in my head!) and decide what needs to be prepped first and what can be done while xyz is cooking. He doesn't do that. He follows the steps in the order presented without looking ahead and thinking about the must efficient use uf time.

Are you suffering from inefficient kitchen cleaning methods?

This is good advice. If the kids or you had more clothes could you maybe avoid washing every day?

How often do you hoover top to bottom? I would rarely do that