To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

I feel like this every night. I don’t get an evening at all

Single parent. My 7yo only went to sleep eventually at 10.15pm. Read to 10yo and he’s gone to sleep just now. Am shattered and going to bed now. Downstairs an utter mess but no time to sort. Rinse and repeat til th end of the week

Oh god our 2.5 year old is a late sleeper everyone keeps telling me it’ll get better 🙈

Once kids (3 and 6) are in bed, we’ve usually done all the chores already. One of us will load dishwasher after dinner for example, it will be unloaded in morning when we are doing breakfast, a quick whizz round from one of us to tidy up while the other is sorting kids, and so on. So we have from about 8 to whenever we go to bed to do stuff together or separately.

I'm the exact same OP I don't know the answer!

You're not alone, I'm doing things until 9.30 usually, then I sit down and watch TV etc and go to bed around midnight. I am more of a night owl though - I need to get things straight in the evening as I don't get up early enough to do it in the morning.

This evening for example went like this
7pm DH doing dishes and clearing up while I was supervising DC homework.
7:40pm DC got ready for bed
8-9pm DD8 reading with DH/alone, while DS11 and I were chatting, packing school bags and sorting laundry.
9pm Said goodnight to DD, DS in bed reading
9.30pm Said goodnight to DD and lights off

So a mixture of basic chores and spending quite a lot of time with DC.

I WFH and when I finish I call the kids and they help with tidying, dishwasher, dinner prep etc. it takes no time at all.

DH gets home, we all eat together and they have usually done their homework from when they got home to when I call them.

Then we might watch something together or divide and do things separately. Don’t understand your set up though. I think you need to get the kids to help.

I would stop doing all the housework in the evening.

I tidy downstairs quickly, stick the washing in the machine & put the dishwasher on once and then call it a day. I don’t do any housework past 6/7pm. My house does look like shit though, so maybe I should put more effort in!!

Also, I definitely don’t unload the dishwasher on the same night. I do it the next day just before I put it on again.

We have a rule that no work happens after 9pm on a weeknight. We have time to relax, watch a couple of shows and be in bed for 11pm.

A lot of people saying they are done by 7. We’re not even home from work by 7 if in the office (which might be everyday soon 😩). DC has a club one day that runs until 8 and another until 9. Inevitably hungry after both even though they had dinner pre clubs. That’s two days out before trying and they are the non office days so the rest of the week I’m not even starting cooking dinner until 7:20 at the earliest.

I will say though we try to avoid washing cloth a during the week. Dishwasher goes on over night. Most of the evening is spent cajoling DC to read, get clothes out, brush teeth etc and as much as you can watch something around that, it’s not great when you have to pause every 10 minutes or so to nag them. DC is one of those kids that goes up to do something and get distracted…

When I started working full time, I identified that there were 3 big household jobs that needed doing every day: making dinner; emptying dishwasher, taking laundry out of machine and putting on airer. At that time we had a teenager, so we had a rota for those 3 jobs, for me, H, and the teen.

All the other things like putting the washing on, I saw as a quickie I could handle in bits e.g. put some things in laundry basket while I’m getting ready for bed, or getting up in morning, carry downstairs next time I go, put machine on while waiting for kettle to boil etc.

I just refused to do packed lunches: couldn’t be arsed.

Do you both work out of the home? If so you obviously do have have to fit things in in the evening but it sounds like you're doing too much and need to streamline your processes a bit, or lower your standards! I'm a chaotic person and struggle with chores and routines but basically accept that I'll get the minimum done during the week while we're working and we catch up at weekends.

Kids make their own lunches
Dishwasher goes on overnight and one of the kids unloads it in the morning
Laundry is quite quick to put on or switch from washer to dryer and kids put their own away.

We're usually done with chores by 9 and go to bed 11-12.

If both of you work outside the home full time then I easily understand this.

a PP says she doesn’t get it but then says she finishes at 5 and her DH at 4! These are not usual finish times IME.

If you’re working, not home till 6.30 say and if your kids require a lot of nagging/emotional input at bedtime (mine do despite being 10 and 13!) then I totally get it.

I do wonder about this. Do people not habit stack? I was out the house for work 8:30am-10pm tonight so I honestly do understand the lack of time. But for example, I might bring a basket of washing down the stairs with me when I come down in the morning. Put the washing on while the kettle is boiling. Done.

Do people mean ‘put the washing on’ to involve more steps eg sorting what to put in the wash? I don’t separate anything, and if I have to (eg pure wool items), they get separated when they come off my body so I don’t ever have to rummage around the wash basket.

Scrape plate and put into dishwasher when finished eating from it - employ a ‘touch it once’ policy. If you had time to eat off it then it’s about 4 more seconds to then put it in the washing machine.

Trying to think what other chores there are really…. Get a robot hoover (or 2! We have one upstairs and downstairs)! We have to do the stairs maybe once a week.

How can that take all evening?!

DD is 6 and I work full time.

I emptied the dishwasher and made
my lunch (DD has school lunch) for tomorrow whilst cooking dinner. Refilled dishwasher after dinner and tidied kitchen. Hung a load of washing on airer. Did DD’s reading and got her ready for bed and did the cat litter trays and sorted a pile of toys for charity shop by 8pm.

8pm- now I’ve had a shower and been on my laptop/watching TV and binging peanuts and chocolate.

Are you making life too complicated? Week night dinners in this house are 30 mins max to prep and cook. Lunch takes me less than 5.

I don't have a dishwasher or a robot hoover so maybe that's it 😅

We usually have an evening of at least an hour tv watching . Eat dinner, put dishes in dishwasher ( kids help) and a few to soak
overnight. Laundry is daytime, empty dishwasher ( kids) / finish washing up in the morning . I don’t prep lunches - I buy a sandwich , DH eats at lunchtime at home and kids have school dinners.

We have a 4 year old and still have evenings together. Bath time is 7-7:30, then one of us reads stories for half an hour while the other does the kind of chores you mention. We leave DS in bed listening to his Yoto and usually spend 8-10ish watching TV or chatting before I go to bed. DH often stays up another hour or so to play video games.

All the chores you mention are either done by the person not reading stories, or done alongside other chores at other times of the day. Dishwasher is unloaded during breakfast or while cooking dinner. Lunches are packed while cooking dinner. Laundry takes 5 minutes to put on when you get home, and can be hung to dry just before bed.

Just going to reiterate that this is quite common and normal no matter how many breathless, surprised posts there about how anyone can possibly not have everything done and dusted by 5.30pm every day.

Mine have made their own pack lunches since they were 8 (they either have sandwiches or heated up leftovers, 2 veg snacks, 1 fruit and a small chocolate biscuit easy to make and healthy) . They all have had a chore each day (dishwasher, or bins or washing up).
Since they were about 10 they cook or help to cook once a week each.
They need to step up and you need to speed up.

I’m just totally nonplussed as to what you are doing that takes so long!
You have a dishwasher, why are you washing up?
unloading a dishwasher, re staking it, takes a few minutes, ditto putting a wash on.
why are these small jobs taking so long?
what are you prepping for lunches? Whatever it is, surely it doesn’t take more than 15/20 minutes.
it’s crazy you are not getting small jobs done until 10pm.

Why are you doing so much washing up when you have a dishwasher? It takes 5 mins to unload one. Two mins to shove some washing in. The other one could make the lunches while one is doing that. I don’t get it

This makes me feel better thank you

At 8 there’s expectation to sort your own bag and school clothes with a check from adults.

pack lunch can be dinner or something made along side dinner. No early bed time necessarily but go to room for a wind down from 8.

evening from then

big tidies done on weekends other than dishes and maybe a laundry load and general wipe round and straightening up communal space

I set the washing machine pre gym to finish for when I get in to hangup before my shower or when I get in from work.
I do a food shop on my way home from work once a week.

life is for living not for eternal errands outside of food and general life maintenance I’m very laissez faire.

I can’t come and die for small irritants.