Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

Well it’s really shit that there is no time off at all in the summer holidays. Is it a place where people can book really far in advance?

Agreed. This is clearly NOT first come first served so there must be some other "rule" at play. To refuse any AL during the entire summer is unreasonable.
I don't care what people think about an 18 year old going on holiday with parents, most at that age are at uni and would be going on at least some family holidays.

She obviously just wants to do her own thing now OP, leave her be, don't guilt her or dramatize it

Her employer seems awful if she really can't get any of that time off! Does she need this job? Be tempted to quit if it was me, I need holidays!

This. Especially if she requested it within an hour of the window opening up. What on earth sort of industry does she work in?

Realistically it may not be possible for this year but I would suggest that she goes to her line manager to politely express her deep disappointment and to understand what is the actual basis under which holidays are approved.

Did she need to submit at 00.01 on the dot; will parents with kids always get priority [she can choose to vote with her feet] or some other rationale? It's not unusual in some industries to not allow any leave or very little over peak trading whether it's Christmas or summer depending on the industry.

While you are disappointed understandably, perhaps encourage her to spread her wings a little this year.

It kind of sounds like families are getting their requests in as soon as dates are available to book OR parents with children are being prioritised for those dates. If it's the latter, I think she needs to ask that at least one of her requests be reconsidered as that's not fair. People have lives outside of having small children of their own.

I'd personally look for another job if that many applications for leave have been refused.

Is the job worth it? My sister missed a family
trip to France when she was that age because River Island wouldn’t let her have the time off.
She’s 45 now and I’m quite sure she would like to travel back in time, give herself a slap, and tell RiverFuckingIsland to do one.

Go last week in June?

That's not a school holiday though.

THIS!!!! Discrimination!!! Someone is being a greedy bastard here and snagging all the holidays

I’m not sure how she can have a full time job at 17… legally she should be in full time education until 18.

But if she is really doesn’t like it, she can look for a job elsewhere…

Up to your daughter really. If she likes and needs her job then so be it. If she isnt bothered about the work Id tell them to stuff it and find another job. But its her choice and you musnt put pressure on her.

OP it might be the leave hasn't been turned down, she might not have asked for it.
Your daughter is 18, she is an adult and I say this with kindness you might find she wants her independence.
Try and enjoy your holiday without your daughter, sadly she won't be going on holiday with you forever.

If she’s a teaching assistant she’d obviously have the whole summer off! Also, she’s only 17, so too young for that.

I guess she must be an apprentice.

Have already clarified. I didn’t know there was an age threshold.

Did the OP say where they lived?

I couldn’t imagine going on holiday with a parent at 18, YABU.

I think it depends on what type of Job she has, however, it appears her employer has is being unreasonable - I think she a bit young to be that bogged down. She has a long working life ahead of her. I had to quit a retail job when I was 18 as I was travelling on a family holiday to America - I don't regret in one minute. I still have very fond memories including those of elders relatives who are now deceased. In fact I still have some of the gift I received include a bag and coat. If you daughter was more matured and older, I take a different view but at that age it might be one of the last family holiday - you never time back.

I think you need to get over yourself. Feeling sick because your working, almost adult, child can’t get time off work when you want her too is an over reaction.
it’s a shame she’ll miss the family holiday, but that’s the world of work.

I'm not sure this will be of any comfort to you, but it's just to demonstrate another angle and I mean it as gently as possible...

I'm a married mum of 2, working full time, as is DH. We never get the same time off work together because we have to use our annual leave as childcare through the school holidays due to no other support. Tag team style! So we never, ever, get time together in any school holidays as a family - never mind a whole family holiday.

Cherish your whole-family holiday memories. And, kindly, rather than fret now she is an adult and no longer able to join in due to her own responsibilities, count yourself lucky for those that you all did have together. 💐

Nonsense.

It's work, not slavery and refusing her all options of holiday with her family is either shitty organisation or ridiculously unfair.
She should question it and potentially change the job - maybe hand her notice just two weeks before her selected vacation.

It would bother me as would mean leaving them alone in the house, and I have memories of what happened when my parents did the same with me. 😳

What a shocking attitude

amazed you got away with it
at my work if your leave request was refused you’d be rostered and expected to be in for work . If you didn’t turn up you’d be marked as AWOL
then you’d be disciplined under the attendance policy and more than likely sacked