Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

What job is it?

It's fine to feel hormonally emotional and useful to acknowledge it. The OP is sad about her daughter not holidaying with the family. After 18 years of a child being central to your world, their reaching adulthood is an extraordinary reality shift, expected or not. I felt so bereft I wanted to go to bed and weep forever when I became an empty nester. Realising peri-menopausal hormones were compounding my emotions, was very helpful. And then life moves on and the next phase of the relationship becomes normal.

That's nice. I know of other adult DC who go on holiday with their parents too. But I know of many more who don't, or only occasionally. I just wanted to point out that a parent shouldn't assume that their children will always be going away with them.

People who behave like you make it difficult for those who are genuinely ill. I'm glad I don't work with you.

Can understand you’re upset, I guess at least you have plenty of notice so you have some time to get used to the idea that she won’t be with you.

A colleague at work is now an empty nester and has acknowledged the change being significant. Has planned ways to reduce the feelings.

Why are you making extreme comments about people's family relationships? Unless you've had a complicated relationship with a family member that has deep seated issues, I'd keep yourself quiet on it. If you find websites with forums for people who have relatives with such as borderline personality disorder, you'll understand what people go through. Maybe consider having respect for people who go no or low contact because they've had a child hood of being beaten black and blue or sexually abused! Your comment is a disgrace and uncalled for!

I'm saying it probably feels a bit embarrassing to have to go to work and ask for the most awkward times off because your mum wants you to go on holiday in the school holidays with her!

You posted this before!

What the fuck is "womp womp" I've noticed it's something that the ultra childish put on posts!

At the end of the day it's not about whether you care or not, you will rapidly get sacked if you asked for dates get turned down and then take it off as sick and if you keep taking time off sick, your stupid little arse would be dragged into a office to discuss your level of sickness absence. You play a dangerous game in trying not to get caught out, you wouldn't be able to post on social media that you're on holiday. If you want to be sacked gross misconduct and be a skint loser who can't get employment, go right ahead because it'll be a shit life because you won't be going on anymore holidays.

The legal minimum annual leave entitlement is 20 days so 4 weeks not 5.6. And when you get annoying places that force people to use 5 days for Christmas shutdowns it gives you even less to use for the rest of the year.

There will loads of time when she use it, just because the school holidays are booked up, she can still submit other dates. Don't confuse this as a company refusing her leave full stop because they aren't and they can't. She just have school holidays off.

Just a thought, but are you sure it was work who turned it down and not just a way for her to not go without upsetting you?

Why would you assume just because she wants it then it will happen? Holidays leave should be requested before bookings made

By law she has to get her holiday days. She should ask them which weeks are suitable then. 17 year Olds get shafted by employers all the time. Personally I'd quit if I was her and really wanted to go. Jobs at that age are always shit anyway.

Are you saying he would leave his job and let the rest of the team down if a holiday request was refused??
Even if it's only 9 hours a week he still needs to understand and appreciate the responsibility of having job.

I'm making extreme comments about people's family relationships? You are the one ridiculing perfectly normal situation with words like "mummy" and suggesting that wanting to go on holiday with family should be embarrassing!
But child free adults aren't usually going on holiday with mummy... rather than putting her daughter in an embarrassing position at work.

The responsibility of having a job ends with giving a notice.

Are you really saying that anyone should miss a week long holidays because of a 9 hours a week job in a cafe?

As soon as I started work at 16 (years ago) I never went away with folks. Couldn't think of anything worse. So is there a chance she just doesn't want to go away with her parents and younger siblings?? Her holiday where she is away with her friend has been approved....................

If he has a job regardless of hours he has made a commitment to that business. He still needs to plan ahead and if the request is denied because someone else is already off are you really saying its OK to jump ship because the boss has said no??

I guess plan B would be to work until the summer, and quit, so your notice ends with the start of holiday, and start looking for a new job now.

It’s understandable to feel sad when life changes like this but our kids grow up and you should feel proud she is responsible enough to hold down a full time job.
You have to holiday in school holidays to fit around your younger kids and she can’t get leave so can’t come, what else can you do?
I think this year will be our first summer hol without kids (18,20), feel a bit sad about it but I’m also kind of looking forward to not wasting half the morning waiting for them to get up and sorted and out 😀

The commitment ends with a notice. 9 hours a week is probably a zero hours contract, so the mutual responsibility is intentionally low.

Yes, he needs to plan ahead. I'd expect the business to try to find a way to allow a reasonable request. If the business has a vacation policy which doesn't work for the employee, it's a fair reason to leave the job.

Unfortunate indeed. Only one of her requests has been granted!

Choose just one of the family holidays and ask your daughter if she could take time off without pay for that one week.

You and your DD sit down and decide which holiday she would be best to attend with you. She needs to give her employer plenty of warning and take time off without pay.

If the company couldn’t accommodate her holiday request with pay, they’re unlikely to grant time off without pay.

We normally go to coder family fur Christmas abroad every other year. My son works in retail and couldn’t get the time off so we didn’t go. But we are going at Easter and he’s booked the time off and I’ve bought the tickets.
Unfortunately this is how it is. Though a little bit of me wonders, as she got the time off to go away with friends, maybe she didn’t even ask about the other two dates?

Oh come on now.

This is a 17 year old boy who's working hard at his A Levels and has worked 8am-6pm on Saturdays in a local cafe for minimum wage for about 4 months. He doesn't 'need' the money and spends it on random teenage crap as you'd expect. He has two brothers who are younger that he's close to. He's also more than happy to come on every single holiday and trip we arrange because we book them around the dc to make sure they're appealing for them. None of the 'dragging' on holiday here, he's bloody delighted anytime he realises he's about to get an all expenses paid trip to X 😂

Do you really, truly, think most teenagers in this position would say 'sorry mum and dad, I have work on Saturdays in Pete's Cafe. Nevermind. You all go to Greece without me and i'll see you in a fortnight'.

YES he'd hand his notice in and Pete's Cafe wouldn't see his arse for dust 😂😂