Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

You're getting a hard time from some posters. Your feelings are perfectly reasonable, but I'm afraid that yes, it's something you have no choice but to get used to. My daughters are in their late 30s, and I still have to keep my fingers crossed when we have plans together, especially with Christmas, as one is a nurse.

My kids would have been/still would be disappointed too, so ignore the 'she probably doesn't want to go with you anyway' posts!

So yes, I empathise, but as time goes on you will get more used to it, and your daughter will probably learn to get her leave request in early. It's just a bump in the road.

I’d be disappointed too, it seems very harsh to reject nearly all the requested leave when we’re only in January! What kind of job does she do? Surely some staff get summer leave.

You say it has to work around school holidays. I’m guessing other people have already requested the same days off then. Unfortunately, that’s part and parcel of the working world.

Did she check those dates were free before booking the holiday? It's what you have to do as an employee

Why can’t you book it on different weeks that she can have off?

It's a shame this happened, but no reason to think this will happen again. For the next holiday she will apply for annual leave before booking, or she may decide to do something else with her leave, which will be a milestone which indicates she is moving into independence. Difficult times for the parents!

I Don't understand why you can't find some dates that do work for her as well.

Does her new employer think she doesn't have children so doesn't deserve the school holidays off. If I were her I'd be speaking to them about all dates possible and explaining that as she has younger siblings and needs parental support to afford a holiday so won't be going away if she's not allowed some school holiday time off. There should be an equal sharing of the school holiday time off.

My friends with older, working dc go on holiday with them outside school holidays. 4 day breaks to Lanzarote are really cheap in term time. They also do things like city breaks. I'd definitely plan something just you and her.

theres literally not one week avaible from the start of July until start of September, so we are not able to book a summer holiday with her.

she’s asked for October half term off as we were going to go America for the first time but that hasn’t been accepted either.

she asked for a few days during Easter and again, that has been turned down.

there isn’t any other school holidays that she can book off.

It's your daughter's responsibility to decide how she wants to manage this. She's 18 and a working adult. If she is content with the arrangement then you should butt out.

Most work places cannot accomodate everybody's leave requests over school holidays in particular. I've just been asked to make my requests for 2027 and by no means will I get everything I want. The difference is that I'm letting down my 7YO dd if I can't take enough leave to enjoy time off with her. Your dd is letting down a grown adult who should be able to cope with the disappointment autism or not.

It's also possible she's not being entirely honest and has made the decision to prioritise holidaying with her friends (perfectly reasonable at 18) although it's also possible that her holiday with friends is during term time which would make it much less of a problem for requesting leave.

Either way I think you need to get over it and give your dd the space to make her own decisions about it.

Can you have a holiday with just her if that would help?

She's getting to the age where she might be pulling away rom family holidays.

How old are your other two?

There is February and may half term?

When did the holiday open? Bit rubbish if its only been a days and mostly refused

Probably because holidays were prebooked as soon as they came out by parents who struggle with childcare during school holidays. As a parent I'm sure you will have struggled with time off in the hols to be able to manage childcare.

When did the holiday book open? Is it the first of January or is it a year in advance or what?

School holidays will be booked up by parents the second the book opens for those dates, so she needs to learn that. And book the day it opens.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

How many days/weeks off has she requested?

Being self employed I'm not up to speed with how many weeks a company allows their workers now but I'd imagine only so many can be off at one time.

shes away in May, but not half term.

she can’t take Febuary off and who
goes away in Febuary away?

Parents with parental responsibilities for young children.

1st Jan and she put them in at 1.30am while we were still up

who
goes away in Febuary away?

Someone who really wanted to holiday with their daughter if it was the only time she could get off?

Plenty of people do, obviously! So has she not applied for may half term?

I'm interested to know when she's going to be able to take her annual leave given all the rejections.

It could very well be that colleagues with school children take priority during school holidays and siblings don't count.

I think you need to accept that things change and you need to find another time where she can take time off, Easter, May, October, to go away with all of you.

Agree with you re this is life - DS1 is on a gap year and working in retail, he only had Christmas Day and NYD off and he was peeved, but that's working life for you.

Your comment about autism and ADHD is totally unnecessary though, why the need to be so bitchy?

No, because my husband can’t get May half term
off and she’s going away the week after May half term with her friend.

Loads of people.

There are countries that are warm in February - if sun is the reason?