Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

I agree with this TBH OP.

Same here, and we always went with my mum and dad when we were young adults. In fact often still do. They offer to pay but we always pay what we can, we want to make the most of it whilst they want to, DS2 is an adventurer so I imagine a lot of his future travel will be without us!

Just because you can't imagine it doesn't mean it's remotely unusual.
My DC came on holidays until they were early 20s, still come occasionally along with partners.
I can't think of any friends with young adults that didn't take them on holidays right up to leaving university.
OPs DD is school age (I'm guessing some kind of apprenticeship) so perfectly normal to be included in some if not all family holidays.

My dc still cone in holuday with us and they’re in their twenties. We enjoy each others company. The also go on holiday without us.

I’d just get signed off or self cert for the week. There’s absolutely zero chance I’d not go on holiday for an employer.

When I was that age I told my mum I couldn’t get time off as well because I didn’t want to go anymore. It’s very telling that she got the time off with her friend no problem. I know you said she isn’t that sort of girl but my mum thought that of me as well

Depending on what she does, it’s very likely that it’s a “first come first serve” basis… which being young and I assume new, she might not known about and is last in the queue.

She is nearly 18 and won’t be able to go on all the holidays you will book and it’s probably likely, that she may not want to at some point.

life is going to change significantly now she is becoming an adult.

we had our first “family” holiday in August last year and my son 18, didn’t come. I had a great time but missed him.

book your holiday and go without her. I understand your needs make this hard, but your younger children need a holiday, you deserve a holiday and she deserves to be an adult… which does mean in the world of work, that she doesn’t get her AL when she wants it.

I completely understand you feeling sad but when my daughter didn't come on holiday with us I trusted her to watch the house. She had a few friends over on the weekend and enjoyed the independence. Go without her, have a good time and know she's not missing out as she's going with friends at some point

Wow.

Thats a shocking attitude to have.

When you sign a contract, you understand AND AGREE that sometimes (in the care industry for example) you might not get the time off to want because of business needs.

YOU DONT book a holiday until you have chosen what week you want off and it has been approved…. only time that’s different, is if you start a new job and already have a holiday booked.

This is really bad advice and sets a precedent that is “okay” to lie to your employer. It’s not and if they’re found out, it’s gross misconduct and can result in dismissal.

Sounds like she may have used up her vacation to go away with her friend. Perfectly normal at her age. She is an adult. Maybe go away with her for a separate weekend. Don't penalize your other children because she can't/may not want to go.

She's nearly 18. She probably won't be going on holiday with you much longer so you have to adjust to that idea.

That's a practice I wish was banned, people are already earmarking holiday in our team calendar for 2027 and only one of us can be off at a time out of a team of 7. My partner and I spend all our leave entitlement exploring overseas and we can only see flight schedules and prices so many months in advance let alone years.

Periods, peri/menopause, pregnancy?? All make me extra emotional..

Are you a bit dumb? You ask for leave and get it knocked back and magically get ill on the same dates! You think the employerr wouldn't see through that! And you think you could pull that stunt time and again?

I can understand that this would make you feel sad, however it doesn't mean that you can't go on holiday with your daughter. As your eldest is working and the other is at school you could see it as an opportunity to book something else during term time when your younger child/children is at school. This way you could get some focused time with your eldest daughter too, whether it's going away (cheaper out of term time) or just spending a day/few days doing something local.

It sounds like there is a line manager somewhere prioritising staff who are parents of school aged children for those dates, knowing those parents need those weeks for childcare and are likely to leave entirely if they can't get them.

Your daughter could look at moving job to somewhere that will accomodate her better.

Given she has a holiday with a friend, you should still take your other DC away. Not ideal but now she’s working it’s not always easy to get the same time off, especially when it’s peak holiday time.

I’m sorry this has upset you . I work for a large organisation that informs you when you will be on holiday and if you want to change you have to do it mutually with another member of staff . All the staff with school age kids want the school holiday time and the rotate means you only have Christmas off ever 5 years because no one wants to swap. I think if she stays in the job you will all get used to that and maybe do some short breaks over the weekends of when you can juggle it . It’s good that she’s holidaying independently as it shows you have instilled confidence and adventure in her !

How does DD feel about missing the holiday?

Maybe she doesn't fancy a family holiday this year and can't face telling her mom because she'll react badly, so just said that those dates are not available unfortunately, but the dates coinciding with the friend's family holiday she's invited on are available. Teenagers like to start exploring doing things independently around that age, in my experience.

How does she feel about it, did she suggest going a different date?

I’m sorry but as a line manager, I feel that the declines are unreasonable. Sounds like the business are prioritizing leave for those with kids. How can there be nothing over the summer or half term. Personally I would call in sick if I were her on the week you want to go away.

Hi op I get why you want her there just because she’s 18 doesn’t mean you toss her to one side I hope you keep looking at options and get something sorted. Then next year maybe you can try fit around her holidays.

she applied for holidays at the same time as others but has been turned down for nearly all because other workers want them because they have kids. This seems very unfair that they get priority every single time. In her shoes I’d leave the
m all in the shit and get a better job

I think that’s really poor. I’d suggest she speaks with her manager and asks how leave is allocated. TBH if I were her I’d consider looking for other jobs and giving holiday dates upfront.