Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

One of my employers had a rule that you could only book one week per rolling 4 week period until everyone had booked at least one weeks annual leave in (or put in writing they don’t want to for whatever reason). Then you could book more in. That way holiday allocation was fairer and you don’t have people booking multiple weeks in school holidays immediately.

To be denied one or two specific weeks maybe, but to be denied every single request looks very suspicious if she has definitely requested it.

If she's feeling brave, she could challenge that she has not had any leave during school holidays approved. As a youngster they're assuming she doesnt have any family responsibilities - which is true. But she does have family and that's when she gets to see them. Leave should be fairly available at any time of year regardless of whether you have children or not. She might not be brave enough to have that conversation yet as shes in her first role, but its something for her to wake up to.

She should ask her boss how the process works if all summer slots are booked within 90 minutes of the holiday calander being opened.. speak to her colleagues... see how they feel.. maybe they all wait up at midnight ... but this seems either unlikely or incredibly difficult for all of them.. maybe if there is a lot of dissatisfaction about it, things might change.

Not helpful for you, I know... and yes, change and disappointment are challenging.

Do you also work? Do you have a partner / husband? Could you split the holidays?

October: Dad and youngest kids
Summer: Mum, Dad, youngest kids
Some other time when eldest DD can get a few days off.. You and eldest DD.

That’s a real shame and I can understand why you’re upset. Out of interest, could you immediately see on the system that her colleagues had already booked their leave? If so, they must have been at their station at midnight - what an unpleasant system. Hopefully she’ll be better prepared for next year and in the meantime, she could keep her war to the ground for any cancellations. Unlikely but you never know.

They don’t take priority at all. Other people’s childcare is not other employees responsibility or concern.

its not how it goes

I'm really sorry this has happened OP. However your daughter has been invited to go on holiday its not as if you would be going on holiday with the other DC because you don't want her to come. I would still go on holiday with them, its not fair on your other DC not to go away because their sister's job is so inflexible. And your DD is still getting a holiday with their friend.

The only other thing you could possibly consider is maybe just a little mummy daughter city break in Feb when she has a bit of annual leave? Just the 2 of you?

Are either of your other 2 in exam years? If so could you eg go after GCSEs in June. British weather is normally the best then! (taking the other out of school for the week) .Could your daughter book some of the days off and WFH the others from your holiday? My DS had to work until Xmas eve while we were on holiday (his leave request was turned down and so he WFH while we were away.)

The purpose of parental leave has to be to spend time with the child so how does this work if the leave is deferred until a school aged child is back at school?
It does sound like an absolutely unsolvable nightmare for companies that employee lots of people with school-aged children (and their colleagues who want to take leave with their families). I don't know what the solution is.

But by the same token, nor is OP's DD's family holiday anyone else's concern. All we know is that she was given one of the three requests she put in. We don't know who else got those slots or why. It may also be that availability for leave is just lower in school holidays, either because it's a peak time for the employer or because there are staff with agreed term-time only work patterns, which do take priority over AL requests.

That's ridiculous - where does she work? Its a bit tricky if she's already full time at that age. I would have changed jobs as she's only 17, they sound extremely inflexible and not somewhere I'd want to work. I mean October is months away!

I remember working at a supermarket at that age and the managers just accepted that the 16-18 year olds would have holidays booked by parents and they would be going regardless.

Can you take the other kids out of school for a holiday if your daughter can't get school holiday leave? If it's not a crucial time for them of course. But don't stop your other kids from having a holiday, go without her if you need to.
I'd try to move to a more accommodating employer if I was her, they sound very inflexible.

Sounds to me like her workplace gives parents first dibs on leave

Well I'm going to disagree with everyone and say that's really mean of her employers to decline every one of her holidays!

I think she should speak politely to her boss and see if there is any flexibility.

I was replying to a poster who said that parents took priority. Not sure why you felt you needed to explain all that to me as I never mentioned anything about peak times or term time patterns?

Good grief that's awful. As my old manager said, who even knows if you'll be working for them then! So glad I've never worked anywhere like that. I haven't even thought about holiday for half term this year yet!

I’d say it’s not really fair that all
her leave requests have been turned down. Can she speak to her boss about the October trip? Annual leave does need to be taken at convenient times but also it’s fair for everyone to get some of their first choice leave time and for not only parents to have dibs on school holidays. Employers have to have a ‘good reason’ for refusing leave and ‘someone else might need school hols more’ is not a valid business reason.

No. It isn’t. Being a parent is not a protected characteristic and employers cannot favour parents and tell other employees that they are banned from taking leave during school
holidays.

It will happen but are her work treating her fairly? That seems a bit crap for anyone of any age.

This is the start of many changes which will come along as your DC grow up and enter the world of work and want to make independent choices. If it's her first proper job she needs to perform well, get the experience for her CV and earn a good reference then she might think about moving on to another job with more flexible holidays.

As for Feb half term it's fine for winter sun somewhere like the Canaries or skiing or just embrace the off season vibe and find somewhere nice in the UK. It's a shame she can't get time off in the main summer hols (and Whitsun is too close to her other holiday?) but long weekends are possible, especially Bank Hol.

This ^
Do you depend on her for emotional regulation? Maybe she wants a holiday from the holiday iyswim?

I think you will find that is not lawful. Or fair. Parents don’t “need” to have holidays with their DC. They just want to have a holiday with their family, just as OP’s DD does. Remember, no one books holidays in school holidays unless they have to as it’s much more expensive. They need to have suitable holiday childcare arranged and several options are available to them. After all, the vast majority of people can’t take all the school holidays as annual leave so they must be making arrangements for the other times.

Having school age DC doesn’t give you priority rights to hog all the holiday dates that suit you best. I never expected special treatment when DC were school age, why should I?

Did they say why those dates weren’t any good? Has she recently qualified in early years or similar where holiday has to be taken at specific times?

I would be pretty furious if leave at my place was decided on the basis of who needs childcare. It is not colleague’s responsibility to arrange their AL around my kid’s childcare needs and vice versa.

I go away in February some years - it’s super affordable!

I would be curious when exactly she’s meant to use her leave if months of the year aren’t available to her. And find out how to avoid this in future - it is a priority system for people with kids, should she be applying now for next year, etc… and then go from there. She can’t come away with you this year if you won’t go away in February or May so you’ll either go away with her 1:1 another time or just enjoy the time with your other children and she can enjoy an empty house.