Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

I went to Devon in February!

If that’s the case, then maybe she should speak with her manager and ask why she has been refused because it sounds like they’re not doing first come first served and are actually only giving it to parents, which would be age discrimination as she is very unlikely to be a parent at 17 which means she’ll never get time off during school holidays.

It’s worth speaking to management to ask how it’s possible that all those dates got booked up before 1.30am on January 1st.

The DD isn’t letting anyone down. What a strange thing to say.

Agree re Feb and May half term holidays?

Did she start this job recently? It’s possible it’s a case of first come, first served. She needs to find out how far in advance she can book holiday.

I also agree with PP that it might be nice if you did a holiday just with her?

If it’s likely to be an ongoing problem and it’s a dealbreaker for her then she should probably start looking for a different job.

Presumably in the other 9 months of the year

Are you sure she has enough A/L to go on "holidays" she might not have enough days to go away, or she might actually want to keep some days back.

Some employers have parental leave policies. Plus, some have a hierarchy depending on length of service.

Nothing wrong with Feb half term. Just make sure to book somewhere you know it'd be warm then. OR skiing (I appreciate skiing may not be your thing, it isn't mine either).

Probably during the school terms. I imagine that in her workplace, parents get first dibs on school holidays because they’ve no choice. Although her siblings are still in school, she’s got a much weaker case to claim AL during school holidays than parents have because she’s not responsible for her siblings.

Why would she not have enough annual leave?

I'm afraid that's exactly what I thought.

Only the holiday that she doesn't have with the family, the one where she's going away with her friend is approved?

I mean she's practically an adult. Let her live.

They’re on shaky ground if the give parents priority over some dates and refuse other people a chance.
Disability discrimination - a lot of people cannot have children, and would not be able to adopt.
Age discrimination - too young/too old to reasonable have young children.

I think it's pretty obvious that she is disappointing her mum so what's so strange?That doesn't mean she's doing anything wrong. Part of being an adult is realising that your decisions and behaviour will impact others but accepting that this doesn't mean that other people's feelings are always our responsibility and that we can still prioritise our own feelings and wellbeing

If she booked 1:30am on the day bookings open I'd encourage her to speak to her manager tbh about how leave is allocated when multiple people want the week. Something doesn't sound right there. Depends how bothered she is of course.

I love a February holiday. Cheaper, lifts the gloom from the UK winter and often quieter.

Sorry @AmusedLemonFatball but this is life. Yes it is sad when it happens the first time, but equally there are plenty of parents out there that would love to have children who are working and independent and would be proud as punch that their DC was being so mature about it. Not everyone has the opportunity your DD has at this age - either down to luck, disability or ill health. Embrace it for what it is - she is growing up and it is hugely mature of her (and credit to you) that she finds herself in this position.

By all means feel a wee bit sad, but move on an count your blessings. What a wonderful DD you have.

She needs a new job.
Constant holiday denial is not a company you wish to work for. Se has asked for multiple periods off and none are good enough for them.

her employers are being really unreasonable.

I agree, What if you're married to a teacher and that's the only time they can get off? It's very unfair to give first dibs to parents. Personally I can go any time of the year so go out of school hols, but would be peed off if I could only go during school hols.

That’s adulting for her.

Week in Cornwall are you there over a weekend? She could work through her lunch on the Friday, leaving at 4 and start the drive down surely? Depending on where you are in the country she might be able to get a train and someone pick her late evening from the station. She then gets all Saturday with you and leaves mid afternoon on the Sunday. Obviously if you live in the North this wouldn't work.

I don't know the op is mentioning holidays i assumed plural, and then she might want to keep some holidays for herself but saying to her mun that A L was refused.

All these are going to be high demand times, unfortunately. A lot of people without kids also go for winter sun deals in Feb, as it's cheaper than over Christmas/New Year. Parents can also take up to 4 weeks unpaid leave a year on top of their annual leave allowance, some parents in my place in non patient facing roles take the entire summer holidays off and those without children or like me who have older ones have to cover long periods of short staffing. It sucks, but I have to remember, I benefited from more flexibility when mine were wee. I don't know what line of work your DD is in, but in mine (healthcare) there are minimum cover requirements and they can only allow a certain number of people to be off at a time.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this before you were ready to do summer holidays without your eldest, it likely will feel disappointing if you weren't expecting it.

Perhaps she could make the case to her employers that if she's had to work all the school holidays this year, she could have priority for time off next year to go away with her family?

Let’s start with the basics - you absolutely definitely take at least one of your usual holidays with your other dc, they still count and it’s not their fault their big sister is older and has a job. So book that in, then talk to your oldest dd about how she feels and what she wants. Encourage her to see if there’s other leave time she can take and spend doing something she likes, it’s her first year of work and lots to adjust to. Not being able to take your traditional family holidays seems quite common for first year employed if she’s in a competitive industry, you’re supposed to be busy proving yourself, plus they probably prioritise proven staff and parents for the school holidays.

Im currently in the same life phase OP and it does come as a bit of a shock - not sure why some posters are being snippy. It’s a sign that you love your daughter and like spending time with her and it’s the end of an era.

what I’ve done is book a couple of long weekends over the year within an hour away one in a cabin with a hot tub and one caravan but with extra bedroom by the beach so that hopefully my older 2 can come along for the weekend even if it’s after work on the Friday and then can go back Sunday evening. Plus with the extra room they can bring their BF/GF or a friend.

They still enjoy my company but would they sacrifice a weeks holiday for somewhere they don’t want to go? I’m not sure anymore.

Having children should absolutely not prioritise you for holiday choices. You chose to have them it’s not everyone else’s job to suffer as a result! God the entitlement of parents!

If I was her I would be asking why none of my requests had been accepted and if no solution could be reached I would be moving jobs. It’s shit the way some employers behave

Oh no that is so shit OP. Does she know why it was all turned down? How does she feel about it?

I think you still should take the others away, presumably as she's older she's been on more holidays than them over the years and who knows, they might not be able to go away when they're her age either.

Could you do a couple of weekends away with her, maybe one in June and one in September or something?