Dd17 holiday been turned down from work

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I know I am being unreasonable but I’m hormonal and emotional.

dd is 18 soon, shes my eldest of three.

she has requested our usual dates off for work for our family holidays and all have been rejected apart from one that is for when she is going away with a friend and their family.

im really upset, I can’t imagine going on every holiday without her this year. It’s not big holidays, just to Cornwall etc but the thought makes me feel sick. There’s no chance of her getting any time off in the summer holidays and it has to work around school holidays for my other dc.

On the other hand it’s not fair that the other two don’t get a holiday?

I have autism so the unexpected change has really thrown me off :(

Exactly. It was a ludicrous comment.

If possible and if she wants to, could she try to do a long weekend in Cornwall? Or if you’re in London area get the sleeper train down Friday night and back on Sunday night? I’d fly to and from newquay?
you could also do a closer family holiday in a location closer to her so she can easily come at the weekend? Eg if you live in London there are lovely hotels or air bnb with pools in surrey Sussex and Kent

My DD had this issue when she was 17 and we were going away for xmas. Told them 3 months in advance, they said no. She said well I wont be here, simple and refused to change her availability online. They tried to give her a warning but HR stepped in as she was U18.

I bet she’s over the moon. Gets a week without the parents . Wit woo. And a holiday with her friend.

I don't think her employer sounds reasonable rejecting so many requests. She should query this. By law they have to allow her to take her statutory holiday (5.6 weeks)... is there actually any time when she CAN take leave?!

It’s not like she’s not going on holiday. She’s going with a friend. She is nearly 18 and an adult who will probably want to go on holiday with her friends in future anyway. You’ve made this about you. Enjoy your time with the other kids because you’ll probably be saying this again in a few years. I’ve now got 6 grandchildren and we now take them on holidays. It will come around again for you

Getting time off work is never guaranteed , TBH when I was that age there was no suggestion you could take time off- you would just have to leave. None of the jobs I did as a teenager gave paid or unpaid time off. Teenagers are usually vert PT so taking time off is not really a thing.
Unexpected change is always a part of life, nothing can be done about that.

Statutory holidays is 4 weeks and the employer has only rejected the one with the family

Seems rubbish she cant get any time off during any school holiday!
How is leave decided? Is it first come first served or on a sort of rota.
I would be upset too.
It does seem unreasonable to turn down pretty much all her leave requests.
Your choice is either sneaking younger DC out of school with tummy bug for a week in June ( assuming no exams)
Or going without her and just you and her go on a weelend away together before new baby is born.
Next time make sure she puts in her leave request asap and remind manager all first choices of leave were all refused this year

It doesn’t sound like a very flexible job if they rejected all her holidays, are there lots of parents in her job requesting the same weeks?

I imagine she needs the job and experience but I would consider looking for something else later on.

Sorry my mistake, employer rejected all but one request. Although this isn’t unreasonable. You just go back with different dates. If holidays away are already booked then that’s taking it for granted that you’re gonna be allowed that time off. You get the time off before booking a holiday

Most people are missing something.

Her employer cannot just flat out refuse annual leave especially if ample notice is given as per her contract. They simply can't. It's on them to find cover if understaffed. The contract will mention the notice period, they have to honour it.

Lots of go away in Feb, I go away at the end of this month to Sri Lanka, it's a perfect time of year to head off to the tropics for some sunshine and warmth, my friend always goes to Tenerife in January.

All the people saying to go Feb instead are being unreasonable given it’s only a few weeks away so harder to find something suitable

Carry on with the holiday. This was going to happen at some stage soon, there's no point getting worked up about it.

It wouldn't work like that in reality because you aren't going to recruit and train somebody to provide that cover just for a week or two. You can't just magic that cover from somewhere. For me the annual leave calendars should only open on 1st Jan and only for that year. It's a nightmare where I work because people are snapping up summer dates years ahead.

Yes you don't want to be booking flights this close as they'll likely be very expensive too

You need an income to go on holiday! You can't be irresponsible like that because the jobs market is dire, you might get that one holiday but you won't get any more when you are job hunting months and you won't look good in an interview when you tell them why you left your last job.

Yes, plenty of countries are warm/very warm in Feb, e.g. Canaries or southern hemisphere.

I understand your sadness though, OP

To be fair some companies have a very unfair annual leave system. Following redundancy, I've been in my current job almost a year. When I started early last year I had to put leave in quick because most of the summer was booked up, by late summer this year, I looked in our team calendar and most of April to end of Aug in 2026 has already been snapped up. We are put on a crap position where by because we have a phone line we have to man alongside our other work, only one in 7 of us can be off a time, we do get a very generous 6 week holiday entitlement but there is so much greed from people wanting to take it all from April to end of August. I'm luckily able to afford to jump on flights because I have to 3 weeks of my leave in the winter because there's no ability to take it in the nice weather months.

It's like, we love Budapest and in the last have been a few times in the month of Aug and enjoyed a day or 2 at the brilliant music festival they have, we want to do it again at some point but I stand no chance because August is snapped up 2 years in advance at work and I need to know what the line up is and flight prices are before I know if I'm going. I don't like that there's no conversation and nobody asking anyone if there's a date they particularly need. It's not the ideal job for me anyway so I may well move on if another opportunity arises.

I don't see why saying "I've left because my family is important for me and the job didn't allow me to take any single week of holidays during any school holidays to be able to spend time with them." would look bad. It's not unreasonable.

If she starts with shut up and out up, the work won't magically become fairer

Wow! In a world where you can choose to be kind.. ect, ect...
What a unkind, bitchy, pointless thing to say, the lady says she's upset, but is also taking into account that she may be hormonal. I know myself that at particular times of the month I need to be aware of my reactions and I will seek advice/ opinions of others if I feel my emotions/ feelings may be skewed by the cycle of being flooded/ depleted of certain hormones. I think it shows quite a sensible awareness that the lady knows she may be being overly sensitive or 'being unreasonable' certainly not 'stupid'. To be honest the word alone shows a very immature vocabulary, so maybe your maturity isn't quite there yet with understanding things such as hormones either.
The lady certainly does not come across as a 'slave to hormones' more a person who is aware of their hormones and emotional state and is doing very well in managing the ups and downs which they may bring.

It doesn’t have to be because she is a women for all we know op could be pregnant or going through menopause. Or have a hormonal disorder or condition that affects her hormones.

edit I was responding to someone must have pushed the wrong button 🤣 not sure how to add them now . Oh well

Could you and her do your own seperate spa weekend or something to make up for it? Just you and her quality time?

Not where I work. If it full it’s full. I only got one day in the Christmas period as everyone wanted time off!