DH withdrawing too much cash

[scotspancake86]

A bit of backstory; DH has a history of drinking, using credit cards to buy alcohol, and hiding alcohol from me. He’s cut down recently, though have noticed £150 a month is going from our current account. I’ve never seen him use cash before, all his other purchases are covered by card. I calmly asked if he knew what the cash withdrawals were for and he said ‘bits and bobs’, £90 has been used in the last two weeks whilst he’s been at home, and every expense in this time is covered by our direct debit card. He’s also going to bed after 4am 4/5 times a week, he says he’s watching films and think he is. I think I just need to write this down to tell myself that something is going on. I know if I pursue this issue with him further he’s going to say it’s his money and he can do what he wants (though it’s a joint account and we earn similar amounts). Though I can’t just leave it, it’s so much money. I don’t know what to stand up to him. AIBU to ask him what’s going on?

You answered your own question in the first sentence.

You can ask him but sounds like he’s a liar so you won’t get the truth 🤷‍♀️

He's an alcoholic. He won't tell you the truth.

How is he managing to work if he's going to bed at 4am? I'd be crawling through my days

Alcoholics will lie and steal to get their fix. Perhaps consider putting your wages separately so he cant drink away the bills money.

I would be more worried about him going to bed at 4am - he's damaging his health.

He WFH and doesn’t get up until late. Only goes into the office twice a week, when he goes to bed at midnight. Weekends he lies in. I do all the leg work with the kids until around ~11am at least, I have tried and tried to tell him how much it affects me; but he doesn’t listen and carries on. I feel I’m not in the position to leave from a practical point of view.

Your husband is an alcoholic
From a practical point of view, I’d say you can’t afford to stay.

Could it be cocaine? The cash withdrawals, the coming to bed early in the morning fit. Dealers often do bundles of three bags for £100 or two for £50 kind of thing. Round numbers. Obviously cash. I’d have thought if he were trying to hide alcohol purchases he’d do it at Tesco or Sainsbury’s or whatever, so it would look innocuous on a statement? Why withdraw cash to buy it?

Coke

My friends husband was taking cash out in the middle of the night at similar times, think it was £30 but it was years ago - we thought it must be sex workers or drugs, turned out it was crack.

He wouldn't need cash to buy booze as the debit card wouldn't show what he's purchased. Also if he's staying up that late I'm guessing it's to buy coke

Could be sex workers, drink/drugs.

Set up a camera baby monitor downstairs and hide it on a unit/bookshelf or something then view from upstairs

Rounded up numbers to £50 it’ll be coke, along with the staying up until 4am regularly

Alcohol or drugs

Crack or coke?

So he's an alcoholic and a useless father.

Leave him.

Check your house and make sure there's no drugs there because that's my bet.

Drugs, gambling, sex workers, and or alcohol. Given the even amounts, likely drugs.

Good plan .

yep deffo coke . My former partner had the same trick , he slept in the living room a lot and I used to find the bags under the rug. He used to be awake all night and didn’t want me to suspect and they do say if the addict is doing coke at home on their own it’s a bigger problem than you know coz coke is a social drug. It will have gone past that stage .
He’s no longer with us …

Have you checked his car or the bins to see if you can find evidence of cans etc to see if he’s drinking ?

most likely still drinking but also doing coke

My ex h was doing this when he was building up a cash stack before he did a runner.

Cash is for drugs, no reason to withdraw if he could just buy alcohol at the supermarket.

Order a test off Amazon and his reaction will tell you everything you need to know, really.

He’s an addict

Yeah I thought it could be this too