DUMB SHIT People say

[OneDearFawn]

I eat in a local restaurant weekly after work, so I typically go in with no makeup on. I am 35 and suffering with really painful cystic acne. Tried everything, my face is a mess.

Anyway, I go in on New Year’s Eve fully made up in makeup. The owners wife turns to me and says, wow, I didn’t even recognise you with makeup on, you look so much better with makeup on. After seeing I was embarassed and me mumbling ahh I suffer with my skin she stands and lists all the things allergy, hormones, everything as though to help. Yet making me feel worse and more of a spectacle. What she was saying is. God you look dog rough when I see you in the week. You should continue to paint your face to hide the offensive marks. I didn’t fucking appreciate it. Not one bit.

So got me thinking. What dumb shit have people said to you that ruined your day?

I have eczema that goes everywhere (although that’s calmed down since cutting gluten and focusing on gut health) and the amount of stupid comments I’d get. So I really feel for you.

I’d get the ‘Oh your skin is bad, isn’t it?’ Like thanks! When you are trying to ignore it and forget about it. My estranged mother in law would like to say something when she could see I was happy or enjoying myself, just to make sure I was put back in my place.

Hope you find something that helps. It’s not just the look of skin conditions it’s the pain they come with that I found so frustrating that people didn’t understand.

I was being chatted up in a pub when I was 19. I then introduced him to my twin sister. When I was out of ear shot as I had stepped aside he asked her how she handled being my twin with me being so stunning and all. We are IDENTICAL and frequently get mixed up. I guess he really didn't like her outfit. We are also not particularly stunning, just average.

It’s not exactly PC to make personal comments in the 21st century 😳

I think that’s so weird that they would say that to you isn’t it? If you’re in a senior role then you’re obviously doing the job right and the job before that right I assume. People are so strange, I met a woman recently with the deepest voice I have ever heard on a man or a woman and it really took me by surprise but I can’t even imagine for a second making any sort of comment, in fact I spent the whole time we were talking internally checking myself that I wasn’t being socially awkward! I think the work rude would be better in this context because I think unless you’re completely thick then you’re choosing to be rude really. I bet you would love to tell them to fuck off. Is it often men that make the suggestion?

I once met up with my sister at a train station, prior to going somewhere together.

We hadn't seen each other for a good few months prior to that.
First thing she said, "I absolutely hate your trousers!"
Charming.

Many years ago as a student stayed over night at a friend's unscheduled as I missed a bus. In the morning 2 girls called over to my friend and I said I was embarrassed in the same clothes etc, I was rubbing a stain off my trousers. One girl offered to pop home and get me a change of clothes and I said thanks but they wouldn't fit me. She said oh don't be silly of course they will, and tried to insist. I know she meant well but this girl was tiny, like size 6 and I was big girl, it was mortifying having to explain this to a group especially two I hardly knew. I know we all say dumb stuf occasionally but that one stayed with me.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I haven't read the whole thread sorry but just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about the insensitive comments that @OneDearFawn and other people with skin problems experience. One of my sons has severe psoriasis which is physically very unpleasant for him, but I think it's the psychological effects that are worse and it's the comments and reactions of other people which fuel that. Some people are just downright horrible. Nobody should have to feel they must hide themselves whether that is with make up or literally not leaving the house for days as my DS won't during a flare up.
I've never really understood the compulsion that some people seem to have to comment on the health issues of others. I have a long term condition myself and get sick of listening to judgments and unsolicited advice from random people. Often what I want to say is "Look, you idiot, I have lived with this for years, had numerous operations, taken many different drug combinations and lost count of the number of doctors I've seen. Oh, and being a doctor myself I am probably better placed than many patients to access information and help. Do you really think that if there was a herb I can buy in Holland & Barratt, a "simple trick" you read about on the internet or a meditation app that would cure me I wouldn't have done that? And yes, I have tried sodding yoga." But what I actually do is smile and say "Thanks, I'll look into that" because most people are actually well intentioned and if they're not, giving them a piece of my mind probably won't change anything. But it is extremely annoying.

@Luckyingame I agree with you.

this! my cystic acne was caused by an underactive thyroid, also in my late 20's

I had a friend I used to meet up with quite often for nights out. No matter how long I’d taken on dressing up and make up etc, she’d always say a cheery “how are you? You look tired.” Great confidence booster.

Oh I’ve been there with the acne! I hope it improves for you. I got told by I random man on the bus I’d be “quite fit if it wasn’t for all the spots” - mortifying. Also years ago my appendix burst and I had a severe infection. I lost almost two stone in a month (starting weight was 9stone 7lbs) - first day back at work a colleague felt the need to tell me I looked so much better without the extra weight!

I hear you OP, people can be absolutely ridiculous about skin conditions. My DH suffered terribly with his skin and the comments he got were unbelievable (he was originally diagnosed with cystic acne but eventually it turned out to be pustular rosacea so ivermectin has been transformative). I thought maybe people thought he'd mind less because he's a man (not true in any case) but it seems they're just as crappy to women ☹️

I was getting breakfast at a hotel buffet and a woman rudely said to me “you need to top those plates up, they’ve almost run out!!” I said “I don’t work here!” She said “you look like you do!”

Thanks - the dress I had chosen and thought was very glamorous looked like the hotel logo trousers, shirt and apron the breakfast staff were wearing! 🤣🤣🤣

not the point but have you seen a dermatologist ? Not through the GP , but gone private?
I had awful skin issues, back and forth to doctor, eventually took a punt, splurged and booked a consultant. He as he put it ‘hit it with a sledge hammer’ and prescribed stuff my GP wouldn’t have been able to. Problem solved, I now just maintain. The NHS can only take you so far IME.

I got this a lot from a well meaning friend not long after I gave birth. 'Oh you look so tired, you look absolutely shell shocked.'
Well yes I was (and still am) very tired, but also, this is just what my face looks like.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I can't get over the stupidity of this woman's remark. Even with adoption, it's not possible to give every child an older sibling. One child will always be the eldest!

I think she was probably being catty on purpose, but didn't think it through and just made an arse of herself. So, the fact that she never spoke to you again is surely a good thing.

Ivermectin is how I maintain mine but originally I had various creams and antibiotics to get it under control

I have two boys. I was delighted when I found out my second was another boy as I thought having two the same would be great. I would have been happy with whatever I had but I am stopping at two and genuinely feel I am not missing out on anything by not having a daughter nor do I feel any sadness about it.

Despite me being quite vocal how happy I was when I found out the gender, you wouldn't believe some of the comments I got. People telling me or asking me if I'd try for a third to have a girl while pregnant with my second! Even after I gave birth a doctor told me I could come back and "have my girl".

Why do people say these things to people? I didn't feel anything but grateful to have 2 boys. And it's not like a scratch card where you get two boys and one girl!

I was working as a support worker for the homeless. One of the regulars called me over to him. He said 'have you heard of that operation they do in America?'

I was confused, 'no Steven, what operation?'

Steven 'they can cut all the fat from there' pointing at my stomach, 'you'd be ever so pretty if you had that'

He thought he was being nice which made it worse than a blatant insult. I cried when I got home 😂

A good friend describing someone exhibiting what she thought was peculiar behaviour. Conversation went like this:

GF. ‘They do that, don’t they?’
Me. ‘Who?.’
GF. ‘Autistics.’
Me. ‘I’m autistic.’
GF. ‘You’re not autistic. You’re not odd.’

Professional diagnosis completely wasted then. 🤷‍♀️

Fecking hell. In all three of these cases, it sounds like the women don't have a brain cell between them.

I have also heard the ginger comment. A woman I know said exactly the same thing... when she was pregnant (2022 I think it was.) I said 'do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?' when she was 6 months gone. And SHE said 'I don't care, as long as it's not a fucking ginge!'

What the fuck?

Ginger hair is awesome. My niece has a DH who has a ginger haired mum, although he is blonde. She is planning on 'trying for a baby' next year, and is praying the baby will have ginger hair. There's a 25-30% chance or something. (His brother has ginger hair.)

I think the only time this is acceptable if is the person is ND who does this.

It's their way of showing empathy, by trying to show of their understanding by giving a similar story. Not to outshine you of course.

It's very different when you get a one upper and they are elevenerife when you go to tenerife. Or they just aren't even taking time to listen or take in what you've said is awful too.

Oh my god, that's unbelievably rude. I am aghast.

Good grief! How could anyone be so stupid and ignorant as to think that is being nice?