DUMB SHIT People say

[OneDearFawn]

I eat in a local restaurant weekly after work, so I typically go in with no makeup on. I am 35 and suffering with really painful cystic acne. Tried everything, my face is a mess.

Anyway, I go in on New Year’s Eve fully made up in makeup. The owners wife turns to me and says, wow, I didn’t even recognise you with makeup on, you look so much better with makeup on. After seeing I was embarassed and me mumbling ahh I suffer with my skin she stands and lists all the things allergy, hormones, everything as though to help. Yet making me feel worse and more of a spectacle. What she was saying is. God you look dog rough when I see you in the week. You should continue to paint your face to hide the offensive marks. I didn’t fucking appreciate it. Not one bit.

So got me thinking. What dumb shit have people said to you that ruined your day?

Everything my sister said to me between me being born in 1964 to me cutting her out of my life in 2005. She is incapable of speaking to me without being nasty. She's horrible to other people too but she saved up her finest work for me.

When I lost a couple of stone over 2024 and 2025, on my daily dog walk I saw a fellow dog walker I regularly see, but not on a daily basis. He's a lovely guy but his reaction to my weight loss was so ridiculously OTT. "OMG! It must have been the cheese! I bet it was the cheese! Did you eat mountains of it and now none at all??" NB I have never told him on any occasion that I eat too much cheese.

The next 3 times I saw him, he made the exact same comment. His wife was with him on one of the occasions, and he turned around and said the exact same words to her, in front of me. "she must have been eating too much cheese! And now she's not!"

It was so boring and ridiculous. He's a fab guy, honestly! But his reaction was so silly, and it's not like I was massively overweight and then become stick thin.

Lost hair through chemo. Unable to tolerate wig, had a dark regrowth when I went back to work, ditched the head covering and styled it out.
One lovely lady said “oh, love the new hair style.”
I blurted “ it’s not a choice!”
I am not sure which was the shittest comment TBF, mine or hers. I did apologise to her because I knew it was meant well.
Some other comments about how people couldn’t do it etc, which should have been met with responses such as cancer doesn’t ask your preference, etc I just let slide, because what’s the point really.
Mostly I hope these types of comments are more said with good intentions but can come out wrong.

Leaving the maternity ward with six hour old DS. A man walking in through the door looked me up and down and commented to his (male) companion "bloody hell, some of these women still look pregnant".

omg I came here to post something like this. Why do people do it??? I don’t want to hear about your great auntie Nora who had the same cancer as me and died!!!

'Ah shit, maybe I shouldn't have had that third vodka and tonic before you got here'.

A man in my local pub learned I was gay and came up and asked me if I were a lesbian. I said yes, why? And he said 'Well, are you a full one?' 😂
I may have responded by telling him I definitely wasn't an empty one. He later asked me if I missed d1ck. Er, no. And it wasn't a chat-up line, he's gay himself!

What really rankled with me recently is when I was talking to my friend, expressing sympathy for my son in law who works in emergency services. He had recently a particularly hard shift that was then prolonged because of something kicking off somewhere, staff shortages, etc and he hadn't got home in time to do something with his little daughter. My friend just dismissed it as 'he knew what he was signing up for when he took the job.' The more I think about that, the more it annoys me.

Oh that's made me so annoyed! What a grade A prick! I had similar when I had my son, a week later I was with my mum, my aunt, and aunt's friend, and aunt turned around and said to the friend (in their native language which I understand but they think I don't) "hasn't she become huge?" For context I had gone from a size 8 to 10.

Went to get my hair trimmed and the hairdresser lifted up a section of my hair with a biro and said “your hair looks like a wig!”
My hair had been washed the previous day, it’s naturally curly and I didn’t go back to that hairdresser again!
He then went on and on about the fact he was once in the newspaper for being photographed coming out of a hotel with Rebecca Loos. Like it gave him celebrity status!
He was a twat…

Bloody hell!

Just one of many from my late DM. You need to lose that tum lady. Just a couple of hours after giving birth 🙄

I once had someone say they didn’t want me to serve them their drinks (when I was a barmaid) because I looked contagious.

I had a small amount of eczema on my neck.

Reading all of these I'm really puzzled as to why anyone needs to comment on anyone else's appearance/life circumstances etc. Why do we do it?

It's clear some people mean to be kind or helpful, however much it backfires, but some others - just wow! Can't they put themselves in others' shoes? I guess not.

I have a friend who would constantly make comments, gratuitously, about the size of my breasts. When I asked her not to, her response was 'why not?' But she does comment a lot on other people's bodies. Goodness knows why. I just can't see why it's necessary, we all know if we're short/tall/fat/spotty/knock kneed or whatever, we don't need to be told.

I understand thst it means unable to speak, but I've rarely heard that word used in that way , in fact in decades despite working with SaLT . Im mid 50s (UK) and as a child we'd use it as 'stupid' with no link to lack of speech.

@UncleTed your experiences are just horrible, what's wrong with people who say things like that? I don't know how people can be so cruel.

@Noodge A full one 😂😂. You could have said No, just weekdays. I devour men at the weekend.

@StephensLass1977 People are unbelievable! I was also a skinny size 8/10, but still had the jelly belly. Because, well, it had been six hours!

I assume the chap was on his way to visit a new mum. Poor woman!

People in general (not all of them, but most) are cruel, frustrated bastards.
When they talk like that, they momentarily feel better since they have problems with themselves.
I'm slowly planning to become a recluse, when practically possible. 😊

“Bloody hell, she’s absolutely stunning! Are you sure she’s yours?!”

Said about my DD….

Who is conceived by donor eggs and donor sperm….

Triple whammy there!

Oh god, where to start. In a similar vein to yours, when I was at uni I worked as well to keep a horse on DIY livery so was there at arse o’clock in the morning every day. Always chatted with another girl who was nice enough and hadn’t long been there but was a bit spoiled, lived with her rich bf and contributed nothing to mortgage bills etc. always done up. Fair enough.

One day for whatever reason we were there at the same time in the afternoon (we weren’t usually due to shifts etc) and I was going out after so had done my hair and makeup and she stopped dead and just said deadpan “I didn’t know you were pretty?!”

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing to be fair, I know I’m not a morning person and it did tickle me, she did apologise when she realised how it sounded blurted out in shock like that 😂

The other one I get ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME which does actually tick me off, I have severe Crohn’s in my small intestine, as such I don’t have typical symptoms as it’s more unusual to have it as high up as I do so my food bottlenecks there, I physically can’t eat very much in one sitting. I’ve been on all the immunosuppressants, injectables, infusions etc. This is as good as it gets. Before it was under control with these hefty drugs I could easily drop 3 stone in 6 weeks and I was never more than about 11 stone tops anyway at 5’6 so it was quite noticeable to people if they hadn’t seen me for a while and they’d ask if I was ok and I’d give them a brief answer I was having a flare up, particularly if they didn’t know I had the disease. It’s not a secret but I don’t tell everybody like it’s part of my personality or anything.

if I had a quid for every time (including friends, family, in laws, employers) said “oh I wish I had that!”

Aye Sharon, I’ll remember your goal dress size next time I’m hospitalised for 3 weeks vomiting blood annd bile and on eleventy billion drips. I’ll send you the prep for my next colonoscopy if you like, 2 doses of Moviprep to clear you out I promise you’ll be begging for it to end and that’s before they’ve but a camera anywhere NEAR your special areas 🤣

People are fucking horrible about acne, OP. No amount of body positivity managed to get on top of that one. She would have been hanged, drawn and quartered for offering an obese person 'lifestyle' advice to lose weight, but people's bullshit opinions and insensitivity are still fair game with acne for some reason.

So desperately sorry @TheQuirkyPombear 💐

Sadly you come across here, as being in the wrong. Not your clients.

I know what she said was a bit hurtful, but she may be on to something. I had terrible cyctic acne when I was in my late twenties. I tried everything and nothing helped. Anyway, after suffering for a few years I found out I had a overactive thryoid (which is an autoimmune disease). Once this condition was under control my skin cleared up and I haven't had an issue. I think skin issues (especilly cystic acne) are often caused by underlying health / hormone issues so it would definately be worth speaking to a doctor about it and getting some blood tests, and even seeing a homeopath if the GP isnt very helpful.

I suffer with eczema and VERY sensitive skin and at times my face is bright red and/or very blotchy. It’s always dry and on a bad day/the days following a bad flare up it’s visibly so, often flaking. On the worst days, someone invariably comments on it. Mostly ‘kindly’ as in, “Oh, that looks painful!” It is but given the only thing that gets me to leave the house is telling myself it looks worse to me and it isn’t as bad as I think I would appreciate people staying quiet.

On a lighter note, I had a housemate at
uni who, every time one of us was ready for a night out, would say, “Ooh, you look nice!” in the most shocked tone ever which implied we looked so dreadful the rest of the time that it didn’t seem possible we could look good.