DUMB SHIT People say

[OneDearFawn]

I eat in a local restaurant weekly after work, so I typically go in with no makeup on. I am 35 and suffering with really painful cystic acne. Tried everything, my face is a mess.

Anyway, I go in on New Year’s Eve fully made up in makeup. The owners wife turns to me and says, wow, I didn’t even recognise you with makeup on, you look so much better with makeup on. After seeing I was embarassed and me mumbling ahh I suffer with my skin she stands and lists all the things allergy, hormones, everything as though to help. Yet making me feel worse and more of a spectacle. What she was saying is. God you look dog rough when I see you in the week. You should continue to paint your face to hide the offensive marks. I didn’t fucking appreciate it. Not one bit.

So got me thinking. What dumb shit have people said to you that ruined your day?

TBF they might not have expected to live to such a great age.

Not so long ago it was more common for people to pop off in their 70s with a heart issue or something else that can be managed now. Fewer people survived long enough to have the sort of problems extreme age can bring.

I keep snakes and I find that people somehow think that they don't count as real pets that I might love and be attached to. They'll tell me about the time they ate snake meat in Vietnam or killed a sand boa on a golf course in Saudi Arabia, or worse, say "Oh, I bet he'd make a great pair of shoes!" and expect me to find it funny. People can be such dicks.

How?

I can only assume you have a vague understanding that it use to be used to refer to a disability. It literally translated as 'mute' but people no longer use it that way due to confusion it created... but that clearly has nothing to do with the OP post, she literally said the person she was speaking to said the words to her face.

Dumb in this context clearly means 'stupid/ignorant/unintelligent' which is a different word.

The origins of those two words is different they just sound/spelled the same (like how Too & Two or Right or Write or Tear & Tear or Lead & Lead). In their original form they where even spelled different (Dumb vs Dumm) and when anglicized they where changed to be spelled the same but they have never meant the same thing.

Hearing something and instantly assuming it must be offensive because you only have mild awareness of one meaning and jumping to the assumption it must mean 'people who can't speak are unintelligent' would ironically be a 'dumb' thing to say though. Unfortunately it was a common dumb thing to say hence why no one creates that confusion anymore.

If your just part of the 'be kind' movement and mean 'stupid' as in 'they said something ignorant' is a negative term to refer to the rude person then yes, thats literally the point. Negative words exist to describe negative situations, people do not need to 'be kind' to people who weren't kind to them.

I pulled up a colleague, gently, who keeps saying self-deprecating comments that while they are busy, it’s not as busy as me for example, with a kid.

I bet someone put that thought in their head.

I told her that I don’t know anyone that isn’t busy these days no matter what they have going on, kid or no kid.

Not one of my stories but a colleague's. Her son has a form of dwarfism so is very small for his age, a teacher at the school asked if she'd ever tried feeding him!

I agree with this. I also think they do it to try and cover up their own insecurities. Their comments don’t come from a good place so it only highlights the bad within them.

Is it? Honestly I had no idea so I doubt OP does. It’s not really a word I use anyway but I didn’t know it was offensive.

I lost a lot of weight when I was away at uni so when my mum saw me again some 6 months later she felt safe to tell me how pleased she is with the weightloss as I had a back hump and looked so wide from the back and waddled when I walked all while making animated gestures to describe how I looked. In her eyes she looked like she genuinely thought it was a compliment.

I had a fringe and when I pinned it back I was told how much better I looked without it.

A man once said to me after I had told him my son is autistic: “He can’t be, he’s so handsome.” 😂 honestly I can’t even be arsed to be offended.

I went to see the gynecologist for hrt, early onset menopause. After telling him of my ivf struggles and premature ovarian failure he asked me if I'd thought of adopting 🙄 no dr of course not, why would I not explore all avenues open to me. Ffs. Wish I'd complained.

I have suffered cystic acne quite a bit throughout my 20s/30s and the amount of times I've been told to "just wash my face with soap" is unbelievable.

It is usually from other women too, and they usually do try and offer advice and tips after realising they shouldn't have brought up my appearance. None of it wanted.

Putting the offensive into "charm offensive" there! How did you manage to resist?

Oh they never are are they? That’s the key to knowing someone is a twat, them saying they’re nice.

My OH says ‘I’m a nice guy.’ All the time - he’s anything but a nice guy.
Those social media scruffs! ‘I’m always getting hurt and I’m just a good, kind hearted person.’ No you’re not, you’ve never had a job, you don’t let your child see their Dad and you spend all day doing your make up to post for likes, you’re not a good person!

‘Dumb’ does still mean unable to speak - as in ‘deaf and dumb’.

The use of dumb meaning stupid hs come from America, where it arose from German immigrants, since ‘dumm’ in German does mean stupid.
(Presumably the words come from the same original root).

I dare say many people on both sides of the pond don’t now realise that ‘dumb’ does also mean ‘unable to speak’. In a novel I sold to an American publisher I had used the term ‘dumb animals’ - which used to be a well known expression - in reference to a character’s dog. The American editor wrote in the margin ‘Dogs are not dumb!’

Suppose I shouldn’t have been slightly shocked that an editor didn’t know the other meaning, but I was,

I go to a local slimming club group every week- sometimes I have make up on sometimes not depending on what I have been doing that day. Every time I go without make up the woman on the till says , you look really tired. In the end I told her, its because i have no make up on , you say that every time. It hasnt stopped her.

I was an acne sufferer for years and I worked in a hospital with people I would consider as friends but the snide comments used to hurt!! Someone once said why don’t you try soap and water!!!!! Or another regular one was it’s because of the food you eat!!!!

Also after I returned from maternity leave someone once said you used to be so glamorous now you’re just a mum!!!! And one of the worst was wow you’ve put on a lot of weight……… I really didn’t no how to respond to that one!

just a note on the ance for years I tried different things prescribed by GP until finally they referred me to dermatologist and I started isotrenitonin and after 5 months my skin was clear and now I am acne free, my sister is currently on it and her skin is improving I also suffered badly with mental health but they give you help and support. There is actually another medication you can try under a dermatologist I can’t think of the name but I think it has less effect on mental health

It sounds like a valid quetion tbh. I worked in a place where we would get audited and questioned for not turning every stone and asking questions that to normal people sound insensitive or intrusive or can be assumed.. but work audits would fail you if you didn't ask those 'given' and obvious questions and recorded their answer. Even if it's not what you came to see us for or not what we provide we had a duty to recore and signpost. It sometimes felt awkward to ask but I would have professional consequences if I didn't. Sometimes people would get irritated or offended but managers didn't budge on asking they just suggested ways to soften the question a bit.

On New Year’s Day my friend in my home country sent me a happy new year message. Our families are close and she sent me a picture of my mother playing with her toddler daughter, with the caption ‘she’s waiting for her grandchildren’. She’s well aware that I’m having fertility struggles and may need IVF. She herself is pregnant with her second. It made me cry.

I will put my hand up & say that I said something stupid, years ago, & I'm still mortified about it now!

I'd been working in my job for a while but it was our first big socializing event, so the first chance to really chat to each other.

One woman, (who I really liked!) was talking about her 18 year old daughter so I asked how old she was & she replied 'I'm 46' & I replied 'Really? I didn't think that you were that old! I thought that you were about 30, you only look 30, you don't look as old as 46!'

Just like that. I'm cringing just writing it.

She laughed it off & informed me that the sentiment was nice but the way that I'd just said that was the wrong way to say it, she then got up & left me to think about it & I realised what I'd done.

Mortified, & I've never said anything like it since. (I'm now ancient, at 44, myself)

As someone who's struggled with their skin since being a teenager I sympathise. The comment about the makeup was rude. But it's so annoying isn't it when people give you ideas, as if you, and the countless doctors and dermatologists you've seen, haven't already tried every treatment under the sun.

The only thing that helped for me was being on the pill.. but the other side effects and risks were worse than my skin.

It's horrible. Hugs.

I have had years and years of well meaning people at work suggesting coaching, courses on public speaking and so on often centred around me needing more gravitas. It's actually pretty recently (in my late 40s) that they just mean I have a weird vibe. I am hyper feminine (not in an attractive way but I am very short with big tits and a high voice) and generally odd (some tics and a scar on my face from surgery years ago). I now completely call people out on it - I make them explain exactly what more gravitas or presence would look like and remind them I'll still be under 5 foot and matronly no matter how many courses I attend.

I have a very senior role and people are always surprised even now.

aaah yes!

DS1 has autism and non-verbal until 5. The local Queen Mummy Bee of the school (there is always one surely) tilted her head one day and said in a voice of faux concern 'Do you think it would help if you just talked to him?'. That was the point I cut her off completely. It had been building as she liked to point out how her DS1 was so much more advanced than mine in any given situation. he precious boy was also a bully who got expelled for breaking another kid's nose with a tennis table bat. So shove your superior parenting up your clacker love.

I developed epilepsy out of the blue when I was 24: a friend of my DM’s said to her “thank goodness she’s already married, noone would want her now”. Not sure who is worse… the woman who said it or my DM for telling me whilst smirking!

This!

Yrs ago after getting married my dh was adopting my son. At a general parents night, we let his teacher know his surname would be changing. She said 'oh do you know what it'll be?' Dh raised an eyebrow and said 'yeah'. She looked for a second and then hand over her mouth 'oh my god, let's pretend I didn't just ask you that!'
No harm at all but funny!