Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

I do that one leg stand everyday when I brush my teeth - 30 secs either side and then a 1 min squat. It's made a big difference.

@Cushylife Thanks. Will discipline myself to keep doing it 😄

What is a 1 minute squat @Cushylife ? I do the stand on one leg thing, @Idontpostmuch despite also being a bit wobbly (bony feet). But rather than your right angle (which I'm sure I couldn't do) I do various poses with the other leg, which a physio showed me. And it has definitely made a difference.

We do these poses too, in class. As for right angle, I used to have my leg lower until the teacher said it had to be higher. I then immediately realised I found it easier than the way I'd been doing it.

Your other leg entirely straight out in front of you, is that what you mean @idontpostmuch?

Yes, thigh straight out and bent at knee so that it forms a right angle.

OP you were not unreasonable. You needed a seat as well.

I remember a time I was on a train. I wasn't even seated, I was standing in the aisle, leaning slightly against the side of a seat as I felt a bit lightheaded. When someone was shouting for people to move down I mumbled something about not feeling well and invited them to walk past me and I remember thinking they were judging me for not moving when I knew I didn't feel able to stand up without anything to hold onto or lean on.

Sometimes people can't see what's going on with someone else and you have to look out for yourself.

Oh, ok, thanks. Yes, I can do that. Go me!

@DoubleHardBastard "That is an assumption from OP that the other "younger" people are more able bodied."

Only in Mumsnetland would all the 20 or 30 year olds on a bus have some kind of disability and the woman in her 60's, who'd had a nasty, fall be vilified.

Yay

I do it every morning, once for each of my socks! Leg up, shock on, then turn the knee out 90 degrees three times. Rotating days for the bare foot and the socked foot as I find it easier on the bare foot.

My balance is atrocious unless I keep up stuff like this.

Standing in shop queues on one leg or pedalling your feet is also a good ankle
strengthener for fitting into a day easily.

Now I understand the confusion. What you were thinking of would be a right angle too, but not desirable, probably causing strain. Sorry for the confusion 😁

The potential conditions and health issues that can come with pregnancy aren't a choice though. I had severe sickness and nausea from the day I tested (it's why I tested a day or two really, I woke up feeling more nauseous than I'd ever felt in my life before that - and it got worse from there), I certainly didn't choose that!

I had similar, though in my case I had difficulty standing because of a knee injury, and needed to be able to hold onto something. If I'd moved up I'd have been in a bad position for holding myself up. I explained I had a knee injury, still got a load of dirty looks and pointed comments. Maybe they'd have preferred it if my knee gave way and I fell over!

I am not vilifying anyone. I am just stating that OP does not know that the other younger people on the bus don't have disabilities and she made assumptions of them that were able bodied yet didn't like that assumption made of her.

I'm not sure why you're not getting that. It's pretty straightforward 🙄

I'm not being confrontational at all 😂 but you keep telling yourself whatever you need to 👍🏻.

OP made assumptions.

That's all. She's not unreasonable for not giving up her seat. She is for making assumptions.

Actually she didn’t.

‘Ask one of the younger, more able-bodied passengers’ could mean she thinks they’re all able-bodied because they’re younger, but equally could mean ask someone who is both younger and more able-bodied. It’s a pedantic distinction, but it’s one I’m only making because you think her making of assumptions is important. I don’t think it is.

Pregnancy isn't an illness so isn't wobbly due to age just as valid a reason for needing that seat?

@DoubleHardBastard I agree with you. Nobody has to give up their seat but it seems overly entitled to assume other passengers should have less need of seats than her. If she'd been more forthcoming about the circumstances of her fall - how recent, how bad etc, what exactly is meant by wobbly, then I might feel differently. As it is we don't know enough. Also, was it a priority seat? If not, then she definitely didn't have to give it up. But telling the woman to ask someone else, instead of just saying sorry but no, is unnecessarily confrontational. I can say this without being accused of ageism because I'm same age as OP. In my 30s I had very bad nausea in early pregnancies, definitely far more challenging than later. Even then I wouldn't have tried to claim a seat. A couple of yrs ago I tripped on pavement and got a lump on forehead, bloody nose, black eye and two grazed knees. Only half mile from home, an easy walk, but if I'd had to get a bus home it wouldn't have prevented me standing if I had had to. When all's said and done, we don't know if one, both or neither of these women actually needed to sit down. It's considerate to give seats to those who appear to need them but these badges just seem to cause trouble.

The woman didn't need a seat then, glad you agree the OP was reasonable.

Who wears a badge saying they are pregnant

Someone entitled enough to expect a woman twice her age to give up her seat.

I think that depends entirely on the tone of voice. In the right tone of voice what it does is acknowledge that the person asking has a genuine need but that you need your seat. Just saying you need your seat dismisses her need entirely.

What is wrong with the world? in my youth nobody woud need to ask as able bodied men would stand and offer.

Pregnancy id not always a choice, choosing to age well is