Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

It used to be like that on transport years ago though. I remember being on a crowded bus in the 80s as a kid and the driver walking down and saying all half fares to stand up. We would also tend to sit on our mums knee or several kids into one seat if the bus was busy

If you’d been in a priority seat then she would’ve maybe thought you didn’t need it as you’re relatively young - take it as a compliment. As PP have said maybe she thought you were the most approachable or most likely to understand why she needs a seat or perhaps everyone in the priority seat did need them? Sounds like you were rude to her when you said no though so voted YABU. I live in London and have been pregnant twice. Even when I’ve been ready to pop people don’t move unless you ask. First trimester was when I needed it most, when not visibly pregnant, as I risked being sick. And the fear of being knocked over or barged. I very rarely asked as I was scared of people’s reactions, if someone had been rude to me I’d likely have cried.

Lucky you not having sickness?! Peoples pregnancies are different. I could stand way better in third trimester than 1st

The OP doesn't owe anyone an explanation as to why she needs a seat

Of course she does, she's a lowly middle-aged woman and must always explain why she's not martyring herself to the rest of society.

I was just responding to the posters who thought a woman who wasn’t visibly pregnant couldn’t possibly need special consideration. Of course if someone isn’t feeling well they should also have a seat. But being in your early 60s is not a good reason to remain seated.

As a disabled mother I think you are totally reasonable. I will always sit away from priority seat if I can. Never felt when pregnant the only seat people should give up is disabled.

But remember I don't think how visable pregnant she looks mattered as I never had a bump that stick out so never looked pregnant. But due to spine problems had to avoid long standing and heavy lifting from the beginning of pregnancy.

I agree it was just the done thing to sit on a parents knee if the bus was crowded or for younger people to leave their seat for older ones. It was just a nice thing to do. I cringe when I see visibly older people or anyone you can see is in need standing and being ignored

The poster you were responding to said 'older', not 'old'. OP has already hurt herself due to a recent fall and is less steady on her feet because of that so wasn't able to stand on that occasion.

A pregnant woman standing on a bus or train isn't at risk of losing a pregnancy. In the early stages of pregnancy, she may feel sick and dizzy so should be offered a seat if she asked someone with no mobility/balance issues.

People in their sixties often have arthritis which can make it much harder and more painful to stand on public transport.

I think it's worse to see a healthy adult sitting whilst someone in need stands than to see a healthy 6 year old stand. especially when the bus is full, the hand grips are ceiling height, people are pushing past etc. it's much easier for an adult to hold on than a small child

This

IMO it's not okay to target a specific individual because they "look" able to stand. You should ask generally.

You are asuming she was rude? You sound like one of those women that treats pregnancy like an illness and want everyone to tip toe around you lapping up the attention! Ive had 4 and never had an entitled attitude like some! This lady does not need to justify to anyone her reasons for not giving up her seat! Pregnancy doesnt give you a divine right and you are more than capable of standing, more so than someone with mobility issues due to a fall!

She's 51. Big difference. Ten years ago I wouldn't have cared if I got a seat on a bus or tube. Now I'm delighted to be offered one.

But we have no idea how the pregnant lady felt (and I did have sickness, just at normal pregnancy levels) - neither us nor the OP can say that the pregnant woman was in more need. But it does sound like there were definitely other people on the bus with needs less than OP and pregnant lady, and the OP already had the seat she needed, so absolutely no issue that the pregnant lady needed to ask someone else to move.

I’m sure if a doddering old lady or someone with one leg got on the bus OP would have moved as their need was greater than hers, but there’s no way to tell whether wobbly OP needed a seat more than maybe sick pregnant woman.

Yes but there's a big difference between gruelling marathons and standing on a bus. In 10 yrs time, if she still runs, it could be shorter distances, but she won't need to be given a seat.

You can't possibly know that.

Wobbly isn't necessarily mobility issues. In summer '23 when I was 59, I tripped, just one of these freak occurrences, gaining a black eye, lump on forehead, 2 grazed knees and a bloody nose. A bit shaken but wouldn't have needed a seat. In early pregnancy would have liked one, but not in late pregnancy. The time I DID need a seat, on a train between Glasgow and Edinburgh, on crutches following ski accident, nobody gave me one.

Nobody can know anything but it's very unlikely she'll go down so far. At 62 there's no way I have to be given seats, and I'm not athletic like her, just normal ie walking 10 miles or cycling 25 with ease. Over 50s are often cast aside and patronised, so I say good for her.

@SleepingStandingUp could you reread your post please. Read it 3 times and doesn't seem to make sense. Not trying to make a point, just confused. Thanks.

What about short adults? The hand grips are too high for them too.

I have this problem so have to be careful about where I stand on a bus. I have to be near the seat pole thingys or I can't hold on.

Me too. If I can reach the hanging straps I have no purchase on the floor.

If I’d have been sitting in that carriage you would have been given mine. Incredible that no one you offered you a seat.

I have a badge that says Please Give Me a Seat. I have no issue with people saying No, I really need to sit too.

I have issues with people in priority seats who ignore being asked and stare at their phones. Or, on a bus, don't let you sit in an available priority seat because they don't want you to sit next to them.

You were decidedly allowed to say no, so don't feel bad.