What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

[Sunshine16994]

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

That sounds very familiar. I also get the background noise thing - I just can’t isolate individual sounds when there are lots so it’s overwhelming. Some other key points for me include:

waiting mode - if I have a meeting or appt booked in I can’t do anything else before it, I just faff around

I constantly get parking tickets or tickets for driving through bus lanes. None of it is intentional, I just forget to pay or pay for the wrong car park etc

i rewash clothes all the time, as I don’t hear the washing machine finish and then I forget it’s in there, so it sits there for a day and goes all musty

i have on 2 separate occasions posted my car keys into the clothes recycling bin at the supermarket. That was fun.

i I can’t do multi step processes - if there is one step fine, but if there is 2 I get the first part done and then not the second

I interrupt people when talking. I’m not trying to be rude, I just know I will forget my point if I don’t made it immediately and I have an overwhelming urge to speak

I cannot hold a routine. 3 months is my max before it falls off. Exercise for example, I will do weight every day for a few weeks and then do absolutely nothing for a month. Then spin class for a month then nothing

Object permeance. If I am physically with someone I feel whatever feelings I have for them, but if I don’t see them for a while, it’s like a forget how I feel and start to question it

There’s loads of others. ADHDoers on Instagram is great for some of the more subtle signs

(also Alexa is my life line for setting reminders)

Some things that I only realised post diagnosis were ADHD related:

Extreme sensitivity to and defensiveness around criticism (perceived and real, fair or otherwise), leading to frequently irrational reactions and escalations. Relatedly, strong opposition to being told what to do, or even to suggestions being made, due to perception of this as criticism.

Huge difficulty with routines. I remember being amazed when my husband told me he doesn't have to consciously remember to brush his teeth every day, it's something he just does automatically after his shower in the morning. Whereas I have to put measures in place to remind me every day (in my case an alarm on my phone), or it wouldn't happen.

Maladaptive daydreaming. Not idle ruminating or casual imagining, but deep, emotionally resonant daydreams which can feel as impactful on my mood and behaviour as real life events, with some story arcs spanning years.

All or nothing thinking, particularly relating to organisation and planning. I couldn't ever give a room a quick tidy for instance - something is only worth doing if it can be done to the best possible extent, like emptying every cupboard to clean and sort its contents, or not being able to start a work project because I don't have a perfectly new notebook.

Impulsivity, especially relating to spending. Knowingly spending what I can't afford for the dopamine thrill then feeing sick on the comedown. The act of buying something being much more thrilling than actually receiving or using the item.

Finding a new passion or project, spending all my dopamine on planning for it or buying supplies, then being totally disinterested in carrying out the project because all the joy and excitement associated with it has been expended on the planning.

'Out of sight out of mind' re friendships. I find it hard to maintain close connection with people I don't see regularly, even if I love them and cherish them, because when I'm not with people they rarely cross my mind.

Being so sensitive (RSD)

Has anyone tried medication, did this help with any symptoms or is it more educate and live with?

I'm not currently medicated because I had some issues with side effects, but I'm not anti medication, it can be amazing. It made a big difference to me initially. Now I try to manage it by arranging my life around it (with support from an understanding husband and flexible employer).

Honestly everything you have covered I can relate to.
I have racked up so in unpaid parking tickets before, I have every intention of paying them but never do it there and then and completely forget by the date its needed to be paid.

Again was always told I was being ridiculous and just unorganised.

Nothing is ever intentional, but I feel like for those that don’t understand it can come across as though I’m just being careless.

On friendships I find I hyper focus on new friends and then get almost bored and someone new comes along and the cycle goes on. I have a group of close friends but with everyone else struggle to keep contact.

Just to put my 2 cents in. I have many of these symptoms too.

If I went for an assessment I would be diagnosed with ADHD but that’s not what’s wrong with me.

I have Complex PTSD which overlaps massive with ADHD symptoms. So many women I see with ADHD diagnosis actually have history of trauma.

So you may have been misdiagnosed or misdiagnosed yourself if you have a history of trauma.

It can be so hard because other people don’t understand. These things are so simple to do so why can’t you just do them? I think it was a factor in the breakdown of my marriage (other than his affair!) He would ask me to do things, like pick up milk, or a card, or post something and I would fully intend to but then it just fell out my brain. Or he could come home and the house would be a mess as I’ve lost track of time. To him it was just that I didn’t care enough to bother.

Friendships are tricky for me. I’m great at being a reactive friend, terrible at being a proactive one. Again, people think I don’t care but I do.

I haven’t gone down the medication route as I personally don’t feel comfortable masking who I am (no judgement though!) but I find just knowing helps me put in place measures. So Alexa sets reminders for me. I leave visual clues to myself to remind me of stuff. If something needs paying I have to do it straight away. I have also learnt to ride the dopamine wave. There is no point saying “Saturday afternoon I’m going to clean” I have to say at some point this weekend I will clean and whenever the motivation comes that’s when I do it.

Rejection sensitivity was the main one for me too. When I first learned about it, it was like ohhhhhhh...💡

Being more focused before 11am. I have 3 hours when I have my maximum focus. I have to plan to do the hardest, most taxing mental tasks by 11 or it takes at least double, if not even more of my mental energy.

Having to have either complete silence when I'm working OR wearing headphones with white noise to block everything out. Needing to have nothing in my peripheral vision to distract me.

Misophonia. My ears literally ring with noise at times. Not being able to cope with any noise in the car when I'm driving (no chat, no music, no talk radio) or my driving will become erratic and dangerous.

Setting myself a set number of things to achieve (can be tiny things). Say, I will do 20 things to the living room before taking a break. And literally counting 20 things that I pick up or wipe down, or clean.

Writing EVERYTHING down. Because I won't remember. I was amazed once when a colleague told me that they didn't have to do this in meetings. Their brain just retained the information!

An almost pathological need to meet any deadline. Even if there has been a reason I can't, I will work insanely hard (as in 18 hour days) to meet it. The pressure isn't external, it's 100% internal from me. It took me until at least 40 to realise I'm a workaholic.

Needing my home environment to be pristinely white with nothing on the walls. Bland, neutral environment. Because my brain is so busy, I can't cope if my environment is cluttered too. But equally, my ADHD makes it doubly hard for me to keep the environment tidy. Argh!

I'm not diagnosed ADHD BUT have a child that is. They are medicated BUT don't always take their pills so we have a small surplus. And I have tried their meds to see what effect they have on me. It is mind blowing, the effect. My work becomes effortless when medicated. I work faster, quicker and 10 times more accurately.

Not sleeping

I have lists everywhere drives everyone insane but it is the only way my brain copes

I would say adhd is a lot more than losi ng your keys
its a condition that starts from birth so would be noticable to your parents and school
what do your parents say you were like?

adhd (hyper) would be movement getting up or fidgeting. Concentration issues and impulsive behaviour. So issues at nursery playing with other kids, sharing. Arguing with siblings. Running into the road. Drawing on the walls.
innatentive though would struggle with school work, teach ers would have to repeat info. Its not just forgetting things which could be memory, but also just not hearing because you are focused on other things.

Generally either would have an impact on your education. So you may pass exams but do a lot worse than people expect. Would impact friendships due to arguing etc.

inattentive can be like daydreaming

I would agree with a lot of this but women do tend to present more on the inattentive side. Plus girls tend to be better at masking in school. I never drew on the walls and never argued with anyone. No one would have described me as hyperactive. The structure of school kept me organised. But once I hit sixth form and particularly university where I was more responsible for my own time it started to show. I did awful at one of my A levels because 60% of my mark was a year long project with no check ins or stage gates. Yeah that went bad 😂 the stuff I did was excellent but I turned in half a project at the end of the year. I also failed my first year of university twice because I couldn’t engage with the bits of the course that didn’t interest me and no one made me go to lectures

Generally ADHD in girls/women presents differently to that of boys/men therefore can do undiagnosed for most of people’s life.

hence why questioning this now

Medication helps but it took a while to get used to, physically and with basically having a different brain and different capabilities

I’m similar (also cPTSD diagnosis).

I also think that a lot of my problems are phone-related. Since smartphones I struggle so much more, and find my attention span getting progressively worse (not helped by menopause brain fog).

I also think a lot of symptoms that people seize on as ADHD are completely normal. Most people are rejection-sensitive. It takes a very bold, self-assured person not to be. Ditto overstimulation. So many environments are overly loud, busy and visually stimulating these days. Life moves so quickly. We’re not content to wait for things anymore. Everything has to be instant.

We have so much to fit into every day. Work, school runs, childcare, the home, dinner, husbands, clubs, friends, etc. Our minds are constantly whirring because there’s never a second’s respite. We’re forced to plan three things at once or we’d never accommodate it all.

I think all these things (and probably loads more) mimic ADHD, but in reality there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with us. It’s modern life that’s completely fucked up and humans aren’t adapted to it.

adhd (hyper) would be movement getting up or fidgeting. Concentration issues and impulsive behaviour. So issues at nursery playing with other kids, sharing. Arguing with siblings. Running into the road. Drawing on the walls.
innatentive though would struggle with school work, teach ers would have to repeat info. Its not just forgetting things which could be memory, but also just not hearing because you are focused on other things.

Not necessarily. This is the stereotypical (and rather outdated) male child presentation. Hyperactivity can present very differently to this, especially in girls/women.

Some of these resonate with me also, however I don’t feel like this all of the time and I think that’s key. If I’m not generally upset or anxious about something I can function perfectly normally. So I suspect there is a cross over with anxiety symptoms also.

@WhereIsMyJumper the symptoms might be triggered by something which happens with me. Understanding my trauma triggers has massively helped me and when I am not triggered, like you, I can function pretty well.

How about this one has anyone found it impossible to learn to drive..

I found it impossible to learn everything and vo ordination it altogether and all the concentration thats needed.

I did give it a real good go. I didnt just give up. In the end I thought this isn't meant to be and I'm not meant to be on the road.

Although I'm competent in many things. I did not take to learning to drive.

Anyone else?

I (diagnosed at 60) have very poor risk assessment and have found myself in some ridiculous and dangerous situations though not thinking things through.

A warped kind of hypersexuality which meant I struggled if I didn't have a partner and would use sex to try to gain advantage over men.

Hyperfocus that means it's very difficult to watch films with me because I spend my time going 'but what happened to...?' and 'but what about...?' and harping on and on about plot holes.

Inability to shut up.

Not medicated, but knowing now that it is ADHD (for years I thought I was bi-polar) I can rationalise my behaviour. And I have to say that since menopause many of the symptoms are not quite as egregious as they once were. And as an author hyperfocus can be positively advantageous, I wrote one of my best sellers in six weeks.

There’s more to ADHD than simply being a bit forgetful

Yes. At 43 I’ve finally realised that I don’t want to learn, it’s stressful and expensive and I see no reason why I should continue trying

This is also what I’m thinking, I have anxiety which I have had for years. Now I think back much longer then I realised at the time, but I have anxiety a lot of the time so it’s hard to know which is which.

Aware of this as mentioned from the poster, all listed things people have spoken about are relatable and things I experience.

Im in now suggesting I’m just “forgetful” it’s not just a case of forgetting a few things it goes much deeper than this as I’ve explained throughout my post and my responses