What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

[Sunshine16994]

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

Thank you all for sharing it’s really helpful and the more I hear the more I can relate to even more so may be best I get an assessment even if it’s just for my own understanding.

Nope. I’m the complete opposite. Took to driving like a duck to water and love it.

Yes, me too. I'm autistic though, but there is often a big overlap between adhd and autism. For me, I was able to learn, but I struggle too much with the sensory overload of being on the road, the speed, noise, lights etc. And trying to coordinate the physical act of driving with navigating etc. So I don't drive at all.

I'm sure the insightful, clearly intelligent and articulate people posting on here realise that.

Was diagnosed in August last year. Psych UK via GP. Still waiting to get up to top of meds list to try them. But a lot of what you are saying is resonating with what I described on the questionnaires and discussed with the psychiatrist

I was diagnosed at 32, they looked at my old school reports as part of the assessment and it was v obvious when you know what you’re looking for but no one was looking back then.

Before I was diagnosed, there wasn’t a part of my life that wasn’t severely impacted by ADHD. I ran up debt with impulsive spending, moved jobs every year, used alcohol to self-medicate, took risks with my own safety, hoarded stuff, struggled to focus at work, my mental health was wrecked due to racing thoughts and poor decisions, struggled with relationships, and forgot so many important things (I’ve missed two flights because I missed my passport).

I’m medicated now and it’s transformed my life. I still very much have ADHD, but for the most part it’s manageable. Understanding why I’m like this has meant I can let go of the guilt and shame and work to optimise my life to work with/around my ADHD.

We’re TTC and I’m dreading having to stop my medication if I get pregnant. Emotional regulation is the area I still struggle with the most and I already know having unmedicated ADHD and pregnancy hormones as well will be tough.

@Cazzovuoi how does someone with a trauma history know whether they have ADHD or C-PTSD?

Thank you so much for this information it’s so so helpful. Part of me has always thought meh why bother but more recently I do think, if I did get medication… could my life improve.

I am 6 months PP and I have had a pretty rough time regulating my hormones, I’d say I have what I believe is post partum rage. But again another part of me wonders if I do have ADHD, is this related. I am very tough on myself for how I struggle to cope with certain things. BUT I would say it’s gotten much easier as the time has gone on without a doubt and there’s a lot more positive times than negative which helps me just try and ride the wave xx

Medication helped me a little but wasn’t earth-shattering. Then the hormonal changes from peri-menopause really kicked in and even medicated, my ADHD feels more out of control than it’s ever been in my life. I can’t even begin to imagine how bad it would be if I was unmedicated!

i would say for sure it's more than just losing your keys, but that isn't what OP said, is it?

And OP is right, there is a reason that lots of adult women are being diagnosed with ADHD after suffering from the behaviours/symptoms for years and doin a lot of energy sapping "masking" even though they haven't realised what they are doing.

OP in my case i display many many of the symptoms of ADHD, and it is a bit of a family joke. I have developed many strategies over the years, and now i know more about ADHD and the apps and advice to mitigate it, i adopt a lot of them anyway.

My main thing is procrastination. I have taught myself to "eat the frog" (make lists, do the most difficult first) and for other things to accept that procrastinating and doing something last minute is when i do my very very best work.

I really relate to the 'inability to shut up' stuff. Sometimes I can hear myself yapping and part of my brain is screaming 'JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP', but the part that's in control is thinking 'no way, I can get out of this awkward corner if I just keep explaining!'

Also driving. I did eventually pass my test but it honestly took me about 100 lessons and countless hours with my parents to get me there.

It could definitely be worth exploring, but as a previous poster mentioned you’ll need to consider if you had symptoms in your childhood too as otherwise I don’t think you’d likely get a diagnosis.

The questionnaires dont distinguish boy vs girl traits though so girls with hyper/combined adhd are also scored the getting up and fidgeting etc.
whereas imo it should say to clarify fidgeting can be drawing or small movements, nail biting etc.
personally i think its easier (too easy??) Comparatively to get an adult diagnosis. As a child one you need agreement on it being noticeable by school, which frankly they dont notice the girls.

Talking over people
RSD (like others, this is probably the hardest part).
Struggling with relationships and mainly letting people abuse me.
Having multiple hobbies on the go at once, often never completing projects.
Not being able to relax, constantly moving.
I hate making plans with other people but love routine (apparently this is my ADHD and ASD going against each other). I hate it when others change plans.
Sleep issues (again struggling to relax).

Limerance. I’d have had a very different life if I’d known what that was sooner.

Poor time keeping and then stressing out about it. I’m always late and I’m always loosing important things.
Wondering where things are at random times of the day or night and not being able to settle until they are found.
If I do loose something, I get so irritable and upset. I get compulsive urges to ‘replace’ said items to ‘gain some order back’. I can spend hours adding things I’ve lost to online baskets. I have to try very hard not to purchase all the items.

I hate having too many plans.
Can’t relax , and I’m a night owl who has to force myself to go to bed at a half decent hour.

Me too.

I get obsessed with people very easily, but it seems to disappear just as fast, too.

Hyperfocusing and then completely burning out and losing focus. Intense emotions and RSD. BFRB (body focused repetitive behaviours) and ruminations. Doom scrolling and inertia. Decision paralysis. Time blindness. Inability to start tasks that cause anxiety. Inability to answer texts. Difficulty with small daily life maintenance tasks.

The list goes on

Baby brain is making it hard for me to remember what I was like in school but I know there has always been a running thing of starting projects or courses and never getting to the end of them. I would be hyper focused on becoming a midwife say, wake up another day change my mind and drop out of that course to start a new one, I managed to get through uni but again I think this is the longest I’ve managed to stay focused on something and that is because the modules changed pretty frequently… jobs I get bored quickly so jump from job to job. I got hyper focused and paid £1k on the first part of an accountancy course that then gave up as I decided to move to a different city and start a new life 😂

It’s been eventful

I've just applied for assessment for both autism and ADHD through RTC...was so scary but I'm glad I've done it. Now I keep over sharing to everyone that I've gone it, I'm going to feel very stupid if I'm just a lazy disorganized mess who can't cope with noise or sudden changes...but gets bored easily.

I recognize so much of what you've said OP...but I've just built up do many coping mechanisms over the years. They work...until they don't!

Just hone through menopause and I just feel like it's all got do much worse.

My mum didy childhood questionnaire and said she couldn't remember anything I did that was remotely ADHD in nature, as I don't run around flapping my arms like my son (ASD, waiting for ADHD assessment) does.

So I probably wouldn't get diagnosed, as there's no proof in childhood, even though I left everything till the last minute, did badly at school, had speech and movement therapy, and barely had any friends, daydreamed all the time, etc...she doesn't remember any of it. I used to bunk off school, wander off and not return to lessons, on a whim. But it was the 80s/90s, no one cared!

Oh ffs. Spelling mistakes because I type speedily...and also getting really bloody frustrated at technology when it doesn't work instantly...I'll add those to my list 😂🤦

I also think a lot of symptoms that people seize on as ADHD are completely normal. Most people are rejection-sensitive. It takes a very bold, self-assured person not to be. Ditto overstimulation. So many environments are overly loud, busy and visually stimulating these days. Life moves so quickly. We’re not content to wait for things anymore. Everything has to be instant.

This is a really good example of the tendency a lot of people (esp. those who are not neurodivergent, although I don't know if this poster is or not) have to write off ADHD symptoms as being things everyone finds hard sometimes. We're often met with 'oh yeah, I find rejection hard too!', or 'noise is so overstimulating!'

But how often do you find an environment so overwhelming that it literally stops your ability to process sound? I.e. your husband could be sitting next to you saying your name repeatedly in a loud voice and you're completely unable to hear or acknowledge it? How often have you missed the turnoff on a route you've driven a hundred times because your child was chatting to you from the back? How often have you had a panic attack and cried because a shop was hot and your scarf was tight around your neck? (And I'm not directing these questions at this poster specifically, but rather to the general population).

Or the sensitivity to rejection - of course, nobody likes rejection and most people are attuned to it. But is that to the point of dysphoria? An example - my lovely, kind, gentle husband who has never once in his life expressed any kind of anger towards or disappointment in me came into the kitchen recently and asked me if there was bread left, which there wasn't. My immediate reaction to this was huge guilt and distress, because I do most of the food shopping and hadn't bought enough, followed by a heavy defensiveness at what I perceived as criticism by him of me and my shopping habits. A wild rollercoaster of bad emotion which, now that I'm regulated, I can clearly recognise as unjustified and disproportionate but which was absolutely real at the time.

So yeah, the world is overstimulating and nobody likes rejection. But people experiencing those things aren't having anything like the same experience as someone with ADHD, and generally people know themselves if the struggles they're having feel out of the ordinary compared to everyone else.

@Garroty Sorry, I may not have explained myself properly. I didn’t mean that ADHD doesn’t exist. My DB was diagnosed at 4 years old, over 40 years ago when it was unheard of. Believe me, I know it’s real! Nor was I suggesting that ADHD sufferers aren’t hugely impacted in the ways you mentioned.

I’m talking about the many people who will see a TikTok reel and say “I was really upset when I asked that bloke out and he said no; I’m always losing my keys, I’m disorganised and I get overwhelmed in crowds, so I must seek an adult ADHD diagnosis”. Those things aren’t particularly abnormal.

If you’re self-medicating with drugs/alcohol/sex, you can’t hold down a course or job or relationship, and you’re regularly making rash, unhealthy decisions then that’s a different kettle of fish, and you could do with seeking help.

But in answer to your question, I often shut down and have to leave places when I’m over-stimulated. I can’t function when there are multiple loud noises over each other. I walked out of a restaurant halfway through a meal last week because the music was blaring, and everyone was shouting to be heard over the music. It was unbearable, I felt like I had a gun to my head.

Constand tiredness!

I don't have a diagnosis but there's so much on here that resonates with me. I make lists all the time because I know I'll forget things if I don't. I then have to leave the list in the middle of the floor because I'll forget to look at it/ take it shopping if I don't. I talk over people because I know I'll forget my point if I don't, but I am learning to accept that it usually doesn't matter if I don't get to say my point.

I did learn to drive but I avoid busy places or driving into the city. The last time I did that I forgot how a busy roundabout works! I also find being stuck in traffic really stressful. Waiting at traffic lights, but worse is unexpected delays, which make me feel really panicky.

Re the "everyone feels overwhelmed" thing - I did some research once! Was in Boots just before Christmas. It was very busy, hot and stuffy. The music was really loud. I decided to ask other people what they thought about the music. Two people agreed with me that it was almost unbearably loud. Around five said they hadn't noticed it and five said they didn't mind it. Two said they liked it! So there you are - it's not universal that everyone is overwhelmed. I've walked out of shops before because I couldn't make a decision about buying something because the music was so loud I couldn't think. I take noise-cancelling headphones in a tote bag with me now.

And can I add re films? I'm the only person I know who rarely watches films because I won't commit to two hours trying to keep up with a story.