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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

166 replies

Sunshine16994 · 05/01/2026 11:32

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

OP posts:
HappyFace2025 · 06/01/2026 11:35

Cazzovuoi · 05/01/2026 16:05

@WhereIsMyJumper the symptoms might be triggered by something which happens with me. Understanding my trauma triggers has massively helped me and when I am not triggered, like you, I can function pretty well.

Same with me. Having therapy helped me understand my triggers. My adult DD has been diagnosed as ADHD and when she told me her symptoms I had a lightbulb moment, in particular the way I have throughout my life 'interrupted' other conversations simply because I worry I will forget the point I want to make. It cost me dearly during my working life. I'm in my 70s and won't get a diagnosis or take meds.

Netcurtainnelly · 06/01/2026 11:53

TheCopyist · 05/01/2026 19:30

Limerance. I’d have had a very different life if I’d known what that was sooner.

Do you have ocd, limerance is common with people who have obsessive thinking.

Sofiatheworst · 06/01/2026 12:19

For me - I have always struggled with organisation. Can’t stick to routine. Forget things a lot. Always lose stuff, my house just cannot stay tidy no matter how much I try. I’m late all the time - no matter how much I try to be on time. I get distracted by the thoughts in my head and have to act upon them even if they’re not important, it’s like a compulsion. I interrupt a lot. Fall deeply and totally in love or friendship. My emotions around rejection, criticism or people’s opinions of me can be very intense.
I’m a nail biter and have very vivid dreams. Struggle with sleep and relaxing. Always on the go but never achieving much.
School reports were always “talks too much” “never finishes a task”. Despite that I am qualified to degree level but that took me to reach my 30s and be actually interested in the course content.

these symptoms of mine are life long. I do not have a diagnosis but I am interested in getting an assessment as I feel things are getting worse for me as I get older and I want to understand why. I’ve been treated for depression and anxiety and ptsd from an event that happened in adulthood. But honestly? I believe these are symptoms of adhd rather than my adhd symptoms being a result of the trauma.

just to add - I’m not an expert, but my line of work means that I come into contact with a lot of people with adhd and it is only since then that I have really started to see myself mirrored in them.

Flatinbed · 06/01/2026 12:28

its a condition that starts from birth so would be noticable to your parents and school

Er, no! 1970/80s parenting and education meant you were labelled as "dopey", "lazy", "naughty" or many other pejorative terms. Then you just carried on.

This level of awareness has only been very recent in the over 40s. We just soldiered on thinking we were shit at life.

Trentdarkmore · 06/01/2026 12:29

Mapleunicorn · 05/01/2026 11:44

That sounds very familiar. I also get the background noise thing - I just can’t isolate individual sounds when there are lots so it’s overwhelming. Some other key points for me include:

waiting mode - if I have a meeting or appt booked in I can’t do anything else before it, I just faff around

I constantly get parking tickets or tickets for driving through bus lanes. None of it is intentional, I just forget to pay or pay for the wrong car park etc

i rewash clothes all the time, as I don’t hear the washing machine finish and then I forget it’s in there, so it sits there for a day and goes all musty

i have on 2 separate occasions posted my car keys into the clothes recycling bin at the supermarket. That was fun.

i I can’t do multi step processes - if there is one step fine, but if there is 2 I get the first part done and then not the second

I interrupt people when talking. I’m not trying to be rude, I just know I will forget my point if I don’t made it immediately and I have an overwhelming urge to speak

I cannot hold a routine. 3 months is my max before it falls off. Exercise for example, I will do weight every day for a few weeks and then do absolutely nothing for a month. Then spin class for a month then nothing

Object permeance. If I am physically with someone I feel whatever feelings I have for them, but if I don’t see them for a while, it’s like a forget how I feel and start to question it

There’s loads of others. ADHDoers on Instagram is great for some of the more subtle signs

(also Alexa is my life line for setting reminders)

I have loads of these and am autistic so thought they were that. Am on waiting list for adhd assessment though.

Trentdarkmore · 06/01/2026 12:31

Trentdarkmore · 06/01/2026 12:29

I have loads of these and am autistic so thought they were that. Am on waiting list for adhd assessment though.

Specifically the not being able to do multi step processes, the noise filtering inability and the lack of object permanence with people.

littleorangefox · 06/01/2026 12:50

Theghostofchristmasarse · 05/01/2026 20:17

I've just applied for assessment for both autism and ADHD through RTC...was so scary but I'm glad I've done it. Now I keep over sharing to everyone that I've gone it, I'm going to feel very stupid if I'm just a lazy disorganized mess who can't cope with noise or sudden changes...but gets bored easily.

I recognize so much of what you've said OP...but I've just built up do many coping mechanisms over the years. They work...until they don't!

Just hone through menopause and I just feel like it's all got do much worse.

My mum didy childhood questionnaire and said she couldn't remember anything I did that was remotely ADHD in nature, as I don't run around flapping my arms like my son (ASD, waiting for ADHD assessment) does.

So I probably wouldn't get diagnosed, as there's no proof in childhood, even though I left everything till the last minute, did badly at school, had speech and movement therapy, and barely had any friends, daydreamed all the time, etc...she doesn't remember any of it. I used to bunk off school, wander off and not return to lessons, on a whim. But it was the 80s/90s, no one cared!

I just wanted to say that I was diagnosed by the NHS with ADHD in 2023 and they managed to do it without any childhood evidence. I refused to involve my mother (and still haven't even told her about my diagnosis as she would be extremely dismissive) and my Dad said he wouldn't be any help as he couldn't remember what I was like as a child 🤨 I just told the mental health team this and they said no problem. The assessment covers a lot of questions about childhood and asks for examples from your own recollection. So I wouldn't give up hope that a diagnosis is impossible without anyone to ask or school reports etc.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 06/01/2026 12:51

LOttyered · 05/01/2026 15:14

I would say adhd is a lot more than losi ng your keys
its a condition that starts from birth so would be noticable to your parents and school
what do your parents say you were like?

adhd (hyper) would be movement getting up or fidgeting. Concentration issues and impulsive behaviour. So issues at nursery playing with other kids, sharing. Arguing with siblings. Running into the road. Drawing on the walls.
innatentive though would struggle with school work, teach ers would have to repeat info. Its not just forgetting things which could be memory, but also just not hearing because you are focused on other things.

Generally either would have an impact on your education. So you may pass exams but do a lot worse than people expect. Would impact friendships due to arguing etc.

inattentive can be like daydreaming

These sound like ‘male type’ ADHD symptoms, not those listed as ‘female type’

Also noting that ADHD and autism appear to have strong hereditary elements. Would parents notice a child being ‘different’ when the child behaves just like them?

One of the reasons why there is a large peak of adult female diagnosis as most only start to recognise their own symptoms when their children (often boys) get diagnosed

Cazzovuoi · 06/01/2026 13:04

comeondover · 06/01/2026 11:33

So if ADHD is about the brain not managing glucose properly (thanks again to @Cazzovuoi for the explanation), does this explain why my relative who does have an ADHD diagnosis is regularly reaching for carbs? Two or three hours after a decent meal, she'll have something else. Is there another solution besides meds?

Yeah actually, keto diet!

My psychiatrist told me to read Brain Energy by Dr. Chris Palmer. I’d been keto for years anyway because I had metabolic syndrome. I lived on carbs before that. Reading the book just cemented my resolve. I wish anyone with a mental health disorder could be given it to read.

Even though I have cPTSD not ADHD the symptoms were hugely improved and stay that way unless I eat carbs. Then I get panicky and jittery and can’t sleep properly. My symptoms are much worse when I indulge so I don’t.

comeondover · 06/01/2026 14:22

Cazzovuoi · 06/01/2026 13:04

Yeah actually, keto diet!

My psychiatrist told me to read Brain Energy by Dr. Chris Palmer. I’d been keto for years anyway because I had metabolic syndrome. I lived on carbs before that. Reading the book just cemented my resolve. I wish anyone with a mental health disorder could be given it to read.

Even though I have cPTSD not ADHD the symptoms were hugely improved and stay that way unless I eat carbs. Then I get panicky and jittery and can’t sleep properly. My symptoms are much worse when I indulge so I don’t.

Thank you, I'll check it out. I'm remembering now a book I read years ago called The Craving Cure by Julia Ross, which was all about the different drivers for carb cravings being related to different neurotransmitters being too low. It was v interesting and the upshot generally was more protein needed to provide the amino acids that are the building blocks of the neurotransmitters (on top of specific amino supplementation according to which kind of craving and which amino was low). I have done low-carb before and found it helpful for weight loss, but I've never gone all in on keto. I'm not veggie but I don't eat lots of meat/fish and don't really want to. Hmmm. Some thinking to do. Thanks for the input

Noshowlomo · 06/01/2026 14:38

Garroty · 05/01/2026 11:45

Some things that I only realised post diagnosis were ADHD related:

Extreme sensitivity to and defensiveness around criticism (perceived and real, fair or otherwise), leading to frequently irrational reactions and escalations. Relatedly, strong opposition to being told what to do, or even to suggestions being made, due to perception of this as criticism.

Huge difficulty with routines. I remember being amazed when my husband told me he doesn't have to consciously remember to brush his teeth every day, it's something he just does automatically after his shower in the morning. Whereas I have to put measures in place to remind me every day (in my case an alarm on my phone), or it wouldn't happen.

Maladaptive daydreaming. Not idle ruminating or casual imagining, but deep, emotionally resonant daydreams which can feel as impactful on my mood and behaviour as real life events, with some story arcs spanning years.

All or nothing thinking, particularly relating to organisation and planning. I couldn't ever give a room a quick tidy for instance - something is only worth doing if it can be done to the best possible extent, like emptying every cupboard to clean and sort its contents, or not being able to start a work project because I don't have a perfectly new notebook.

Impulsivity, especially relating to spending. Knowingly spending what I can't afford for the dopamine thrill then feeing sick on the comedown. The act of buying something being much more thrilling than actually receiving or using the item.

Finding a new passion or project, spending all my dopamine on planning for it or buying supplies, then being totally disinterested in carrying out the project because all the joy and excitement associated with it has been expended on the planning.

'Out of sight out of mind' re friendships. I find it hard to maintain close connection with people I don't see regularly, even if I love them and cherish them, because when I'm not with people they rarely cross my mind.

Jesus this is all me! All of it!

Garroty · 06/01/2026 15:23

Flatinbed · 06/01/2026 12:28

its a condition that starts from birth so would be noticable to your parents and school

Er, no! 1970/80s parenting and education meant you were labelled as "dopey", "lazy", "naughty" or many other pejorative terms. Then you just carried on.

This level of awareness has only been very recent in the over 40s. We just soldiered on thinking we were shit at life.

Totally agree with this.

When you look back at my school reports there are SO many signs of my ADHD - endless reports about how I could be brilliant when I applied myself but didn't do so consistently, complaints about disorganisation, daydreaming, chatting too much, fantastic when a subject interested me but impossible to motivate when it didn't etc. Then there's the fact that I never had my games kit, or my homework, or my pencil case etc., the relentless procrastination, the fits of pulling myself together and being dazzling for a week then it all falling apart, the friendship issues. And a host of smaller signs too, like biting my nails to the quick and bouts of insomnia.

Neither my parents nor anyone at school ever suggested it might be ADHD. I didn't hear the word until I was virtually grown up. I was in trouble all the time for being disorganised, lazy, thoughtless etc. The fact that I could do well sometimes was taken as evidence that I was capable of it, and therefore all the time that I wasn't doing well was put down to me not trying hard enough.

I internalised so many of those messages about myself and spent so much of my life ashamed of who I am. The greatest gift diagnosis as an adult gave me is the knowledge that I'm not lazy, selfish and thoughtless. That it's neurodivergence, not character flaws.

Cazzovuoi · 06/01/2026 15:26

@comeondover its actually really easy to do without lots of meat but yes its much easier to prioritise protein with meat.

There are many keto vegetarians!

Flannelenthusiast · 06/01/2026 17:39

Garroty · 05/01/2026 20:57

I also think a lot of symptoms that people seize on as ADHD are completely normal. Most people are rejection-sensitive. It takes a very bold, self-assured person not to be. Ditto overstimulation. So many environments are overly loud, busy and visually stimulating these days. Life moves so quickly. We’re not content to wait for things anymore. Everything has to be instant.

This is a really good example of the tendency a lot of people (esp. those who are not neurodivergent, although I don't know if this poster is or not) have to write off ADHD symptoms as being things everyone finds hard sometimes. We're often met with 'oh yeah, I find rejection hard too!', or 'noise is so overstimulating!'

But how often do you find an environment so overwhelming that it literally stops your ability to process sound? I.e. your husband could be sitting next to you saying your name repeatedly in a loud voice and you're completely unable to hear or acknowledge it? How often have you missed the turnoff on a route you've driven a hundred times because your child was chatting to you from the back? How often have you had a panic attack and cried because a shop was hot and your scarf was tight around your neck? (And I'm not directing these questions at this poster specifically, but rather to the general population).

Or the sensitivity to rejection - of course, nobody likes rejection and most people are attuned to it. But is that to the point of dysphoria? An example - my lovely, kind, gentle husband who has never once in his life expressed any kind of anger towards or disappointment in me came into the kitchen recently and asked me if there was bread left, which there wasn't. My immediate reaction to this was huge guilt and distress, because I do most of the food shopping and hadn't bought enough, followed by a heavy defensiveness at what I perceived as criticism by him of me and my shopping habits. A wild rollercoaster of bad emotion which, now that I'm regulated, I can clearly recognise as unjustified and disproportionate but which was absolutely real at the time.

So yeah, the world is overstimulating and nobody likes rejection. But people experiencing those things aren't having anything like the same experience as someone with ADHD, and generally people know themselves if the struggles they're having feel out of the ordinary compared to everyone else.

Thanks so much for this post, it really resonated. It's so hard to explain to some folks the chasm between something being a minor annoyance or slight distraction, and that same thing causing extreme distress or panic on a regular basis.

LittleGreenDragons · 11/01/2026 12:42

Garroty · 05/01/2026 19:11

I really relate to the 'inability to shut up' stuff. Sometimes I can hear myself yapping and part of my brain is screaming 'JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP', but the part that's in control is thinking 'no way, I can get out of this awkward corner if I just keep explaining!'

Also driving. I did eventually pass my test but it honestly took me about 100 lessons and countless hours with my parents to get me there.

Blush

I've even been told to be quiet and it lasts about 10 seconds before I start again. I know I should be quiet but my mouth won't behave!

Nevermind17 · 11/01/2026 14:02

Flannelenthusiast · 06/01/2026 17:39

Thanks so much for this post, it really resonated. It's so hard to explain to some folks the chasm between something being a minor annoyance or slight distraction, and that same thing causing extreme distress or panic on a regular basis.

But the point I was making was that it isn’t a minor annoyance or slight distraction. It is overwhelming. I have to leave places because the music is too loud, it feels like I’m being battered round the head with 100 mallets having to listen to that, and numerous people talking, and chairs scraping on the floor, and some fucker watching a video on their phone. It’s completely unbearable, my heart races, it makes me feel trapped and hot and I can’t breathe. It happens to neurotypical people too!

But I don’t make impulsive, risky decisions. I have healthy relationships. I never got into trouble at school. I was a straight A student. I don’t drink or use drugs or have other unhealthy coping mechanisms. I am quite scatty (brain fog) and I’m forever losing things. But compared to my ADHD brother I’m NT. His ADHD has severely impacted his life, and he’s medicated.

But it would be easy to convince myself that I have ADHD if I were to watch these videos online that list a few of the more minor symptoms that most people encounter. The result will be loads of people convinced they have ADHD when they don’t. That’s not to say that some people don’t genuinely have ADHD. I’m not an ADHD denier.

TheFairDuck · 11/01/2026 14:16

I am 32 and got diagnosed with combined ADHD in November. I did this privately, as my area are no longer taking adult referrals for autism or ADHD. The mental health nurse at my GP does not believe these conditions can be present in adults.

I hold down a job, a house, I have a dog who is loved and cared for, I’m getting married this year to the guy I’ve been with since I was 19.
I was a good student in school, decent prospects.
I say this as, if you looked at me from the outside, apart from being a bit ‘scatty’ you would think I’m neurotypical.

The inside though?
Severe executive dysfunction - where I have a to do list as long as my arm but can’t do any of it. I sit on my couch paralysed.
Have an appointment that day? Nothing gets done, even if I have a work deadline.
If I need to take a bus to get somewhere? I am constantly in and out of the bus timetables, planning my route, setting alarms for when I need to leave yet still end up rushing out of the door.
I have a constant stream in my head of thoughts, conversations, songs on replay.
If I have a meeting? I want out of there asap. It is mentally taxing and painful to be sat still.
Impulsive spending? Buying things gives me dopamine, even if I can’t afford it, I’ll get it.

Failed my exams at school and left early.
Failed college and left early.
Im doing a qualification at work and it has taken near three years to get to exam 2 out of 4. Not because it’s overly difficult but because I cannot focus enough to do what’s needed.

Towards the end of 2025, I was struggling bad. I could barely function at work, at home, every aspect of my life was suffering from what I now know is called burnout.

I was fully convinced entering the ADHD assessment that I didn’t have it.
I have CPTSD, anxiety & depression previously diagnosed and thought (and have been told numerous times) that all the above was due to that or that I’m just not that good of a human. The shame was intense.

I had an initial consultation as the practice I’m now with also offer traditional therapies and was expecting to be offered that.
Between them and my fiancé, they pushed me to get the assessment and lo and behold, I scored as high as you basically can in every section.

I started medication yesterday. It’s the first time in my life my head has been quiet. It’s obviously early days and I’m in titration at the moment to find the correct dose but I could cry with the difference it’s made.

If your symptoms are impacting you, go get the assessment.

I have a happy, fulfilling life but I’m grieving the person I could have been had this been available to me earlier.

CraftyMintHedgehog · 11/01/2026 14:32

Sunshine16994 · 05/01/2026 11:32

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

This is me!

I lose everything. I put things down and my DH moves them which makes it even worse. My keys have a tag on. I can track them from my phone. But I then have to find my phone, so my watch can make my phone ring.

I am usually SUPER organised because if I don't, then I am such a scatterbrain and will forget everything and get really stressed and constantly be panicking I've forgotten something, so being super-organised is the only way I can manage.

I'm academic, and when I'm interested in something I hyper-focus on it.

I can't sit still and do nothing. I fidget, bounce my feet, spin on my chair. I manage 10k steps a day walking round my classroom.

I can't watch things on TV unless they're really gripping. It's not stimulating enough.

I interrupt people when they're talking. I know it's rude, but it's because I'm actually interested in what they're saying and want contribute and if I don't say it there and then I'll probably forget.

I say random things that pop into my head. I've had to learn to filter what I say.

I find the kids so frustrating when they can't stick to my timescale or they interrupt me when I'm trying really hard to focus on something.

I get distracted by Mumsnet when I should be working and keep deleting my account to try and stop me getting distracted. 😂

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/01/2026 14:47

Drinking lots of coffee
Overeating - especially sweet stuff
Underperforned badly at A-Levels despite working hard
Very limited success in my career. Never really got promoted
The ability to hyperfiocus on things that are important to me eg anything to do with my DCs
Not having the bandwidth to keep up with the constant demands of the primary school for little bits of cash, dressing up, sending kids with snacks for class party etc etc etc
Anxiety
People pleasing
Being the victim of domestic abuse and also being controlled by narcissistis
Inability to get my financial ducks in a row- I usually forget or have too much inertia to cancel memberships etc

MyLostUsername · 11/01/2026 16:58

I am not diagnosed either, but also wondering if I have ADHD.
I've always been late to everything, disorganised, and a bit 'different' but it started to get really bad during perimenopause. Now I look back and can recognise many other symptoms.

Really sensitive to criticism mainly at work and with colleagues. If someone is not super friendly one day I immediately think that I did something wrong or that they dislike me.

People pleaser. I cannot say no, and I find it extremely difficult to stand for myself

Incapable of making decisions

Incapable if finishing projects. I am super happy when I start something (personal or work) but find it impossible to finish them properly.

Constantly interrupting people. This is getting really bad now. I also go en several tangents when talking. I seem to tell stories in randon order, or jumping in time, without strict cronological order.

Incapable of concentrating if noisy environment. This one is new, and I found 'blue noise' a god send.

Poor planning and timemanagement. Huge procrastinator.

Risky behaviour, mainly when younger. I put myself in very dangerous situations (with men) without even realising.

Rummination and constant internal dialog. This is exhausting.

Loosing objects and forgetting appointments. This one is also getting really bad, and has also taken a new form: inability to process and retain information, as in I can ready an appoinment letter and believe I understood the instructions but then I realise I have no idea where/when the appointment was

😭

bittertwisted · 12/01/2026 05:29

Garroty · 05/01/2026 11:45

Some things that I only realised post diagnosis were ADHD related:

Extreme sensitivity to and defensiveness around criticism (perceived and real, fair or otherwise), leading to frequently irrational reactions and escalations. Relatedly, strong opposition to being told what to do, or even to suggestions being made, due to perception of this as criticism.

Huge difficulty with routines. I remember being amazed when my husband told me he doesn't have to consciously remember to brush his teeth every day, it's something he just does automatically after his shower in the morning. Whereas I have to put measures in place to remind me every day (in my case an alarm on my phone), or it wouldn't happen.

Maladaptive daydreaming. Not idle ruminating or casual imagining, but deep, emotionally resonant daydreams which can feel as impactful on my mood and behaviour as real life events, with some story arcs spanning years.

All or nothing thinking, particularly relating to organisation and planning. I couldn't ever give a room a quick tidy for instance - something is only worth doing if it can be done to the best possible extent, like emptying every cupboard to clean and sort its contents, or not being able to start a work project because I don't have a perfectly new notebook.

Impulsivity, especially relating to spending. Knowingly spending what I can't afford for the dopamine thrill then feeing sick on the comedown. The act of buying something being much more thrilling than actually receiving or using the item.

Finding a new passion or project, spending all my dopamine on planning for it or buying supplies, then being totally disinterested in carrying out the project because all the joy and excitement associated with it has been expended on the planning.

'Out of sight out of mind' re friendships. I find it hard to maintain close connection with people I don't see regularly, even if I love them and cherish them, because when I'm not with people they rarely cross my mind.

Oh my goodness this is me, especially the fear and avoidance of criticism

ADHDnewname · 12/01/2026 13:19

HundredMilesAnHour · 06/01/2026 11:26

@OneWildandWonderfulLife your post really resonates with me, we sound very similar.

I had no idea I had ADHD until a psychologist who was assessing me for long Covid related work coaching suggested it. Turns out he was a ND specialist and later said he knew within the first few mins of meeting me as it was so obvious. I’m the cliched example of a middle aged woman who was diagnosed at 50 after struggling with depression and burn-out cycles my whole life and never understanding why. Somehow in my 20s I found my way into project management in investment banking / financial services so ideal for someone with ADHD (but also a trigger for repeated burn-outs) and I strongly suspect the majority of people I work with also have ADHD. On our best game, we are absolutely amazing at what we do and the speed we do it at is mind-blowing. But like everything, it comes at a cost and that is always the downside of the ‘good bits’ of ADHD. My finances are a complete shitshow and I decided many years ago to stay single / celibate as I just can’t handle the emotional intensity of romantic relationships (I definitely have RSD) and it ends up destroying me.

Exercise was my way of (unknowingly) managing my ADHD. I was completely addicted to it but it really helped me manage my stress levels and get my dopamine fix. I’m qualified as a gym instructor and have competed internationally in rowing (all while project managing in banking). Quite frankly, my life was completely mental and on the surface I looked like a huge over achiever but in private I was falling apart while on an emotional out-of-control rollercoaster.

The wheels have come off quite a few times (some hidden, some not) but what has really stopped me in my tracks was peri-menopause and getting long Covid at the same time, and then my ADHD diagnosis on top of that. I can no longer exercise due to the long Covid so my coping mechanism is gone. I replaced that with comfort eating but just got very fat and it didn’t help much. Now I’ve lost the weight but can’t find a way to satisfy my dopamine needs in a way that doesn’t destroy my finances or risk throwing my career away. Today I’ve actually taken a sick day from work because I need to get my shit together or I will lose my job. I need hyper focus to kick in tomorrow and if it does, yet again I will save the day by producing some incredible piece of work that wows everyone and buys me more time until I have my next procrastination / lack of focus drama. If it doesn’t kick in, I’m fucked. And so the bloody ADHD cycle continues. It is so exhausting. At least now I know why I behave like this but that’s cold comfort.

I can relate to much of this. I have long covid and can no longer exercise. I miss work, I miss exercise, I miss life. I’m also in peri and have low iron. I don't know if I have ADHD or if it’s just a combination of the other things which I can’t seem to get any help for (I am not responding well to HRT so far).

I was bright, could get my head around difficult topics easily, was a people pleaser at school, so could pass exams. I wasn’t stretched at school and most came fairly easily, so box was ticked. I daydream alot from a child. I did still obviously need to revise, but it wasn’t with planners or timetables, it was erratic - an as and when. Homework (not until senior school) - mostly last minute. Coursework - I would sometimes try to start earlier and take more time, to counteract the ‘shit, should have started this earlier, I could have done better’ feeling. However, when I did, my marks were never any better than doing it last minute.

I’ve always been naturally messy, but needed ridiculous organisation inside drawers and cupboards etc. I struggle with timekeeping, but can meet impossible deadlines. I was a project manager and very good at it, which doesn’t make much sense on one level, but they were often fast paced projects.

I have 499 tabs open on my phone and over 23000 unread emails. My house is no longer organised - the mess is inside cupboards and out. I can’t do a hyper focus clean and tidy as there are many days I can’t even get out of bed. I’ve always hated routine - especially routine for the sake of it. I don’t enjoy noisy places, but used to, so don’t know if that’s a getting older thing, plus covid also made me partially deaf so the extra concentration in a noisy place is difficult. To smash out my best work, I need quiet and to be on my own. Headphones whilst working, would be a nightmare. The trend for study or revision time within school hours, rather than letting you go home would have meant poorer marks for someone like me - too many distractions, plus I need to sometimes speak out loud to ‘teach’ myself in a revision situation.

Was I inattentive and daydreaming a lot at school because if you have natural aptitude and don’t cause an issue, you’re allowed to coast? I certainly daydreamed less in the throes of a deadline, be it coursework or work. However, I still daydream and like a PP said, I also have multiple storylines running for years.

I can have several drinks on the go at the same time, I can have coffee before bed, if I’m up I lose my phone multiple times a day.

I cannot (seriously cannot) comprehend how people don’t have multiple thoughts in their head at the same time - most people don’t do just one thing at the same time. E.g. even if it’s just making a sandwich, you are obviously putting thought into the filling/retrieving items etc, maybe boiling a kettle, also thinking about work/putting a wash on/what happened last night/what the weather is like.

My brain has gone to mush in the last few years. I feel overwhelmed as it’s like having £5 to spend when you’re used to £100 for bare minimum essentials, but suddenly those essentials cost £200 (not about money, just an analogy).

Tangents and interrupting (due to interest) - always. It’s just that now, the tangents and jumping around topics are too hard to pick up again. I struggle to remember things, to form consistent and coherent sentences. I know I’m doing it in this post.

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I’ve always taken friendships seriously - never been a planner, but more a ‘I fancy doing this, who wants to join’. People tell me things, I can be a good listener, I’m a good confidante and would go above and beyond to help someone out. I can’t be the friend I used to be now. Alongside this, apart from my current very long term partner, I’ve been a commitment-phobe. I feel like I’m letting people down constantly as I have so little to give now. I feel like a wrung out cloth that’s been left on a radiator, trying to get damp but the tap will only send a drip every few seconds. Patience has never been a virtue of mine and once the ‘cloth’ starts to get 100 drips or so, this wait is excruciating. I’ve also developed a panache for ridiculously shit analogies.

Whilst people talk about the ‘everything is instant’ now, I feel that the ‘instantness’ I need is eroded. This is exacerbated my the limitations of my illness, which make planning really hard. If I’m well enough, I want to take the kids somewhere or do something. I can’t just drive and turn up somewhere. So much is pre booking into tiny slots, with shit apps and so much more contingency needed for parking, for everybody queuing at the same time due to slots etc. Why can’t I just scan my bloody booking? The admin around school and homework for little ones is relentless too and drives me nuts, digging into valuable family time for little benefit. Waiting lists for everything (be it healthcare, kids activity, an admin dept) seem long, sending something back online with some places is too big a feat, my accountant was repeatedly hassling me for January tax return in September/October. People seem to book things earlier and earlier in advance, shops seem to run out of seasonal (festival) items weeks in advance. If there’s an issue with an administrative thing, it feels like it needs constant chasing with little progress - much more than it used to. I find those things more of a struggle than the average person I think. I’d rather those things were more ‘instant’ and it took Amazon a few days longer to deliver or that retrieving ‘good’ information from the internet was less of an issue (as it used to be).

My daughter, 11, is becoming increasingly interruptive, daydreamy and struggles with simple decisions. She was also way ahead of her class academically for a few years, but this is evening out now. It could be hormones kicking in, could just be her, but could it also be adhd or a result of covid infections? It’s been getting increasingly worse over last few years.

Arran2024 · 12/01/2026 15:25

ADHDnewname · 12/01/2026 13:19

I can relate to much of this. I have long covid and can no longer exercise. I miss work, I miss exercise, I miss life. I’m also in peri and have low iron. I don't know if I have ADHD or if it’s just a combination of the other things which I can’t seem to get any help for (I am not responding well to HRT so far).

I was bright, could get my head around difficult topics easily, was a people pleaser at school, so could pass exams. I wasn’t stretched at school and most came fairly easily, so box was ticked. I daydream alot from a child. I did still obviously need to revise, but it wasn’t with planners or timetables, it was erratic - an as and when. Homework (not until senior school) - mostly last minute. Coursework - I would sometimes try to start earlier and take more time, to counteract the ‘shit, should have started this earlier, I could have done better’ feeling. However, when I did, my marks were never any better than doing it last minute.

I’ve always been naturally messy, but needed ridiculous organisation inside drawers and cupboards etc. I struggle with timekeeping, but can meet impossible deadlines. I was a project manager and very good at it, which doesn’t make much sense on one level, but they were often fast paced projects.

I have 499 tabs open on my phone and over 23000 unread emails. My house is no longer organised - the mess is inside cupboards and out. I can’t do a hyper focus clean and tidy as there are many days I can’t even get out of bed. I’ve always hated routine - especially routine for the sake of it. I don’t enjoy noisy places, but used to, so don’t know if that’s a getting older thing, plus covid also made me partially deaf so the extra concentration in a noisy place is difficult. To smash out my best work, I need quiet and to be on my own. Headphones whilst working, would be a nightmare. The trend for study or revision time within school hours, rather than letting you go home would have meant poorer marks for someone like me - too many distractions, plus I need to sometimes speak out loud to ‘teach’ myself in a revision situation.

Was I inattentive and daydreaming a lot at school because if you have natural aptitude and don’t cause an issue, you’re allowed to coast? I certainly daydreamed less in the throes of a deadline, be it coursework or work. However, I still daydream and like a PP said, I also have multiple storylines running for years.

I can have several drinks on the go at the same time, I can have coffee before bed, if I’m up I lose my phone multiple times a day.

I cannot (seriously cannot) comprehend how people don’t have multiple thoughts in their head at the same time - most people don’t do just one thing at the same time. E.g. even if it’s just making a sandwich, you are obviously putting thought into the filling/retrieving items etc, maybe boiling a kettle, also thinking about work/putting a wash on/what happened last night/what the weather is like.

My brain has gone to mush in the last few years. I feel overwhelmed as it’s like having £5 to spend when you’re used to £100 for bare minimum essentials, but suddenly those essentials cost £200 (not about money, just an analogy).

Tangents and interrupting (due to interest) - always. It’s just that now, the tangents and jumping around topics are too hard to pick up again. I struggle to remember things, to form consistent and coherent sentences. I know I’m doing it in this post.

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I’ve always taken friendships seriously - never been a planner, but more a ‘I fancy doing this, who wants to join’. People tell me things, I can be a good listener, I’m a good confidante and would go above and beyond to help someone out. I can’t be the friend I used to be now. Alongside this, apart from my current very long term partner, I’ve been a commitment-phobe. I feel like I’m letting people down constantly as I have so little to give now. I feel like a wrung out cloth that’s been left on a radiator, trying to get damp but the tap will only send a drip every few seconds. Patience has never been a virtue of mine and once the ‘cloth’ starts to get 100 drips or so, this wait is excruciating. I’ve also developed a panache for ridiculously shit analogies.

Whilst people talk about the ‘everything is instant’ now, I feel that the ‘instantness’ I need is eroded. This is exacerbated my the limitations of my illness, which make planning really hard. If I’m well enough, I want to take the kids somewhere or do something. I can’t just drive and turn up somewhere. So much is pre booking into tiny slots, with shit apps and so much more contingency needed for parking, for everybody queuing at the same time due to slots etc. Why can’t I just scan my bloody booking? The admin around school and homework for little ones is relentless too and drives me nuts, digging into valuable family time for little benefit. Waiting lists for everything (be it healthcare, kids activity, an admin dept) seem long, sending something back online with some places is too big a feat, my accountant was repeatedly hassling me for January tax return in September/October. People seem to book things earlier and earlier in advance, shops seem to run out of seasonal (festival) items weeks in advance. If there’s an issue with an administrative thing, it feels like it needs constant chasing with little progress - much more than it used to. I find those things more of a struggle than the average person I think. I’d rather those things were more ‘instant’ and it took Amazon a few days longer to deliver or that retrieving ‘good’ information from the internet was less of an issue (as it used to be).

My daughter, 11, is becoming increasingly interruptive, daydreamy and struggles with simple decisions. She was also way ahead of her class academically for a few years, but this is evening out now. It could be hormones kicking in, could just be her, but could it also be adhd or a result of covid infections? It’s been getting increasingly worse over last few years.

I have been told that people with adhd can do well at school, uni, jobs, because they offer structure - but if you retire, have a baby and stay at home, get ill, the structure vanishes and then the overwhelm sets in.

That's what happened to me.

I need external structure.

I have been a gym member for years. If I don't book into classes I don't go. If I book a 10.30 class I am up, kitchen tidied, dogs walked, then bus to the gym. If no class, it's 10.30 and I have achieved nothing.

I need the scaffolding of bits of structure. Left to my own devices, it's a disaster.

Sunshine16994 · 12/01/2026 15:41

Arran2024 · 12/01/2026 15:25

I have been told that people with adhd can do well at school, uni, jobs, because they offer structure - but if you retire, have a baby and stay at home, get ill, the structure vanishes and then the overwhelm sets in.

That's what happened to me.

I need external structure.

I have been a gym member for years. If I don't book into classes I don't go. If I book a 10.30 class I am up, kitchen tidied, dogs walked, then bus to the gym. If no class, it's 10.30 and I have achieved nothing.

I need the scaffolding of bits of structure. Left to my own devices, it's a disaster.

I couldn’t have put this better myself. It’s all or nothing but solely based around some form of structure.

I have my assessment on the 20th January so hopefully this can shine some light

OP posts:
ADHDnewname · 12/01/2026 17:02

How did/do you manage routine around impulsivity (if you’re impulsive)?

I was a regular gym goer but did gym/swimming around classes I did, so maybe the classes allowed the structure. However, if I had to block book, I probably wouldn’t have done the classes as it would have been too much commitment/not enough impulsive time.
I spent quite a few years in my twenties working to travel - never had an itinerary as that would have done my head in, also had a strong work ethic. I did however hand notice in rather than have a grown up discussion, with one employer who asked where I was that morning when I was literally three minutes late which had impacted no one. I couldn’t face dealing with one way clock-watching on that level as was often asked to work late which I’d always complied with. The alternative would have been to always leave work on time which would have felt petty to me (a bit like someone making a fuss that you’d put 10p less on the shared restaurant bill, but staying quiet all the times you’d put £10 extra in to cover some of their share).

It’s normal life stuff that I find really hard that seems to come more naturally to so many others and logically isn’t that hard, but to me it is. I’m also a night owl, have always struggled with mornings and that isn’t always easy with the way the world works.

I am self-motivated which I think is a struggle for many with adhd (e.g. set up and ran my company, but there was a lot of dopamine winning new clients etc).

Good luck with your assessment.