What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

[Sunshine16994]

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

Rsd whilst maybe common with adhd isnt actually a criteria though.
and the nhs dont recognise masking in adhd hence the need for second setting

And can I add re films? I'm the only person I know who rarely watches films because I won't commit to two hours trying to keep up with a story.

I try to watch films but the film has to be absolutely amazing for me not to fall asleep during it (or just wander off doing other things). My rule is to give up trying if I still fall asleep on the third attempt to watch a film.

Actually I paid for us to (try and) watch a Sky Box Office film on Christmas Day evening (The F1 Movie). I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and I’m 99.9% certain my 83 year old father also has it. He insists he hasn’t and won’t even discuss it. My Dad is a huge F1 fan (as am I) and his partner will watch anything so it seemed like a reasonable idea for the evening. For the first 10 mins of the film, my Dad and I were both up and down like yo-yos (getting drinks / snacks / feeding cats / switching lights off, just faffing, etc etc) and I rolled my eyes at my Dad’s partner and said “so no symptoms of ADHD in this house then”. It was hilarious to be frank. We did eventually get through the whole thing and my Dad’s partner says it’s the first time she’s EVER seen him watch a film - and they’ve been together for 30 years! 😂

out of sight out of mind has always been a massive thing for me too.
I love people but if I don’t see them, I’m not bothered (except my children) and I never miss people (again, except my children). This has caused issues in friendships and relationships of course - I can only really be friends with people who are exactly the same.

Yes. The combination of limerance and maladaptive daydreaming has ruined my life.

Unfinished projects. I get overly excited about something, which dominates my life for a few weeks and then I lose interest. I have started so many new hobbies over the years.

I also can't commit to one thing. I remember when I moved to London, one of the girls I shared with played hockey every Saturday afternoon and trained twice a week and I could not understand how she could do that, partly due to thinking of all the other things she could be doing instead.

Being bored after about ten minutes at anything - playing tennis for example, going to the theatre. Weddings are absolutely torture - 8 hours minimum with nothing much to do.

Zero planning ability, especially around meals. How can I know in advance what I will want to eat? Loads of food thrown away, especially when I decide to "get healthy" and I buy all sorts of stuff I then have no interest in cooking.

I had to look at your user name to check this wasn't an old post of mine that I had forgotten I made 😯

A few odd ones of mine (apart from the usual symptoms or maybe rather the consequences of my symptoms):

1. I can't seem to read anything in order especially not if it's factual. So I'll start reading somewhere in the middle and then keep jumping around. I have to consciously remind myself to read line by line after every line if I need to understand the text I am reading.

1. Always stressed and overwhelmed with an every growing to do list. I have NO leisure time or time for hobbies because I feel so guilty about not doing the things I need to do. So instead of either doing my work (whether personal or work related) or just giving up and having fun i live in a constant state of limbo procrastination where all I manage to do is the basics. The rest of the time I waste day dreaming, reading up and planning and buying utensils for sudden passions I never pursue or browsing my phone for rubbish.

1. I cant deal with more than 1 person talking to me at the same time. It makes me feel as if my head is going explode.

1. I'm always late. I know this is common for people with adhd but I can't believe how I manage to be late all the freaking time. I rush around like a headless chicken but no matter how early I start I still.somehow end up being late. The only way I can not be late is to be hours early.

1. I can't plan and i can't make decisions. I just can't do it. I can't decide what steps to take, what are the priorities or how to make concrete decisions. I spend ages reading and researching without getting closer to any decision. I can only make gut feel decisions.

1. I can't follow conversations with more than 1 person.

1. Reminders and alarms are pointless most of the time because I only need a few minutes bw the reminder and rhe thing i need to do to forget all about it.

1. I keep mixing up my words abd that is getting worse though I've read somewhere that it could be an early indication of dementia (im in my forties).

I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD, as my brain chemistry was probably affected in utero through my birth mum being a heroin addict... and probably means my dopamine has always been a bit dysfunctional.

Things I can totally relate to: being overly sensitive to criticism; hyoerfocusing on things that interest me; conplete disorganisation unless prompted by my very efficient, organised husband,: took ages to learn to drive and failed 5 (!) tests - apparently I wasn't a "natural driver" 😅; forgetting appointments, dates, things my DC ask me 5 minutes ago; lack of money management/financial awareness; always overspending on useless things to get a dopamine "fix"; have literally been this way forever but was ok at school/with a structure of education.

I'll write more in a bit 😆😅

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Oh yes, I'm chronically late for everything and have a wonderful time blindness that drives my poor DH mad 😆

Yes I take lisdexamphetamine (also known as elvanse or vyvanse). In my experience op medication is both essential to lead a somewhat functional life and it is also woefully inadequate. It helps me to think clearly, helps slightly with emotional regulation and planning but it does nothing for procrastination and it doesn't last long enough. I also absolutely hate the side effects and how I feel on them so I only take them when im working as otherwise I wouldn't be able to do my job at all.

They helped a lot when I was younger though.

I think op if you can change your environment to make it adhd friendly (in a specific way that works for you) then maybe you can lead a productive and fulfilling life without or with minimal medication. When I was younger being on meds helped me discover snd implement strategies and make changes to my environment that I could use even when I had to stop thr meds (e.g. when I was pregnsnt). I also realised that i am much better at reacting to things rather than taking goal oriented action. E.g. when the kids were young I think I coped fairly well because a lot of what young kids need is reactive. Now that they are older and I actually need to plan and be organised to be a decent parent I am totally failing. I am also in totally the wrong job (research kind of job sitting all day at a desk and requiring huge amounts of self motivation). I love my subject and have moments of brilliance byt apart from generating ideas I suck at 90% of my job.

Initually meds helped a lot with my work but now nothing really seems to help enough.

Without adhd Medicine in 3 sentences - change between topics and only one sentence answers as my brain is a whirl wind. Drives my husband mad. Have to put about 5 alarms on and pre alarms to remember to pick my children up from school 🙀 it’s usually after the 3rd alarm omg I’ve got a child to pick up 🤪 (although never forgot them) Usually late 95% of the time as I leave when I should be meeting people. Leave everything until the last minute.

With meds I know after one hour I will get more motivated to sort household tasks out. Better at completing admin too.

Still have to write lots of lists though either on paper or my phone.

Lost a stone in weight as I don’t binge eat chocolate in the day (as when I was feeling tired always used to go for chocolate) but you defo feel less tired as they are stimulates at the end of the day.

Without meds can not stand to watch a film at all. Too long / boring / don’t follow the plot. Or if I go to the theatre I clock out - same with people zone out.

Still housework is overwhelming (but less so) but I’ve got a lot of children and lots of items in this house and very lazy children who like their mother to clean up after them 😩

I am ND w/ OCD. Diagnosed for many years now, though I was originally told I had BPD.

The trauma angle mentioned is interesting as I had an extremely disfunctional childhood.

But as for how it's affected me:

I've never held down employment (for long). Left the workforce in my 20s and could never go back.

I've started, got to 3rd year and on track for a First and walked out of a degree. Twice, two different degrees.

I've made large sums of money taking huge risks most wouldn't entertain (won't elaborate). I've been lucky.

Atrocious at maintaining relationships. People really try and try with me, I see the effort and care but I cannot reciprocate.

I can't form habits at all - exercise is a good example. But anything that requires consistency seems impossible. Like pp, I have to make a really conscious effort to do really basic things like clean my teeth.

I can't do anything unless it's written on a list. I start each day with a list. Every single little thing I need to do goes on it.

The real killer: I find pretty much everything except my current special interest excruciatingly boring. The boredom is intense and all-consuming. I work very hard to not become a drink or drug addict to combat this.

Being ND has seriously affected my life and I dearly wish I wasn't so. I would love to find joy in ordinary things, to have a job I enjoy, a rich social network etc. I am insanely jealous of anyone drifting through life in the 'standard' way. I just cannot seem to do it.

I can relate to everything that has been posted already but will add one that my assessor said was a very good indicator. If I’m sat in calm and stillness in the afternoon and doing nothing with my hands to keep me occupied, I will 99% of the time fall asleep. She said this is a common effect of the sleep deprivation we have from our brains being so active all the time that we don’t get enough quality sleep, the hyperactivity is internal. Generally people will have a cup of coffee to perk themselves up and crack on but caffeine affects us differently and won’t perk us up the same.

i have also learnt that transitions are an issue related to ADHD. With reflection I now believe this is where my PND stemmed from as becoming a parent is undoubtedly one of the biggest transitions there is. I struggled with the change of routine and remembering all the new steps I needed to take to care for this new little person and ended up in a kind of paralysis that I now recognise when I try to start other (much less significant tasks).

I’ve beat myself up and felt guilty for many years because I can’t do the things that others can do so easily. It’s going to take a lot to undo all that and accept me for who I am

I can't tell you how much I can relate to this on a cellular level :')

@Sunshine16994 Just seen you mentioned being 6 months post partum as I think this is quite common with women with ADHD (and in my own experience too) and it becoming more apparent when you have a baby, as your coping mechanisms/routine are stripped away from you and your established system is no longer working for you therefore making the ADHD harder to mask/manage. Also there’s a huge drop in hormones.

Your post has really resonated with me Garroty. Especially with the maladaptive daydreaming with story arcs spanning years, I have a daydream that I've come back to for over 25 years with multiple characters.

One of my old jobs also used to have a "sorry jar" for me at work as I'd apologise for everything I did so much. I had been bullied alot at school though so I wondered if my sensitivity and almost desperate people pleasing was a little bit of trauma from that.

Everything else you've said I tick every box. I've never been diagnosed but suspected for over 10 years, and kept forgetting to ask about it at the doctors, been off and on antidepressants for stress and depression my entire adult life and teens but I suspect alot of that stems from ADHD, I asked my GP about it a couple of years ago and they said I didn't meet the threshold to be put on the waiting list for diagnosis. Although I'm terrible at explaining myself properly and after the fact realised there was so many symptoms I hadn't mentioned or just forgotten about.

I broke down when the GP said I couldn't go on the waiting list she told me to keep a diary of my symptoms and she'd resubmit it. However asking me to keep a regular diary past a couple of days is no different than asking me to write a million word thesis. It never got done.

The thing is I'm not lazy, I'm the absolute opposite, I just wish my brain clicked into gear and stopped going off on tangents where I end up doom scrolling and procrastinating with other jobs. Time slips through my fingers like sand. I can't even do things I enjoy because my mind wanders and I find it so hard to just get on with something or make a start.

Hope you find what you're looking for OP and if you do have ADHD hope your path to diagnosis is easier than I've found. Xx

For me, it certainly has been present since I was a child. I was mischievous and impulsive. I was good at school but distracted and dreamy. I worried, a lot.

As an adult, it has presented as anxiety, which I have been diagnosed with for years. The hyperactivity can be mental, a lot of people refer to it as being similar to having lots of tabs open on a computer. I start something and then get distracted by something else before I finish.

I struggle with impulse buying, opening mail, I either do absolutely loads until late at night, or having a massive slump and unable to do anything.

I hyperfocus on things I enjoy and this has got me through a degree and a masters. If I have to study something that doesn't interest me, I'm useless though.

I lose things all of the time. I have had to replace my mobile phone many times as I leave it on the roof of my car. I forget to text people back and check in.

I am impatient and panicky when I'm overwhelmed and I have multiple playlists of the same songs, just in different orders!

Don't even get me started on time keeping either... It's actually a nightmare.

I also have terrible RSD and regularly believe I've mortally offended people and then avoid them.

I've been on medication for some time now, it helps me get things done and my anxiety is better, but I still get overwhelmed, distracted and the impulse control is no better.

This is my life. I feel that I have never lived up to the promise of my early years. I now realise that I should have been in project management, as I can do sharp focus for a maximum of 6 months, then I am burnt out and bored, and need to veg out for a couple of months. The inability to respond, particularly to anything on line has had terrible repercussions for my personal life, I am not quite so bad with work. I hoard stuff, have boxes of expensive items unopened.
I masked endlessly until menopause and then it all fell apart. According to my consultant there is an epidemic of women of a certain age being diagnosed. Women who in the past would have been diagnosed with depression.

Medication has helped me, although I don’t always remember to take it! It does dial back the risk taking, which was beginning to frighten me, and helps me to steady the nail biting, and constant grazing.

My parents gave me huge amounts of structure in the early years, particularly exercise. I do feel better if I exercise regularly. I think it gives me a dopamine hit, which lasts for some time. I took to driving like I’d been born to do it, and when not rushing like mad to get to work or any appointment, I absolutely love it. It is one of the few times that I feel my brain and body work in unison.

I am peri/menopausal and experienced what you have @Sunshine16994. I personally don’t think it is ADHD as that is a specific diagnosis. Why don’t you do https://bsw.icb.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2022/06/Adult-ADHD-Self-Report-Scale-ASRS-white.pdf

You most likely have cPTSD. That’s what my psychiatrist said but you would need to be diagnosed to know for sure.

He explained that the changes in the brain for cPTSD are different than ADHD. With cPTSD the hypothalamus is smaller than normal because it doesn’t develop properly. That’s long term memory, emotional regulation and such. This happens because we’re always in fight or flight as children.

Then the amygdala or lizard brain becomes bigger than normal because of the constant fight or flight state. So we are constantly on edge, scanning the environment for danger and catastrophising so we can be prepared. It doesn’t allow normal functioning like remembering things, planning, concentration.

In ADHD the brain stops being able to use glucose energy properly so the mitochondria have trouble keeping energy levels up. The body then compensates by pumping adrenaline so you actually go into fight or flight. That’s why stimulant drugs work because they force the mitochondria into using energy and they’re able to pass the messages through the neurons better and manage neurotransmitter levels.

It was a fascinating class 😁

I took to driving like I’d been born to do it, and when not rushing like mad to get to work or any appointment, I absolutely love it. It is one of the few times that I feel my brain and body work in unison

This also describes me very well, and riding is very similar for me. Brain and body together.

My adhd has been a game of two halves. As a child/teen and young adult I really struggled- was disruptive and bored at school with no friends. I was put up a year (this being the early 80s- not sure adhd was even a thing) but it didn’t help- rather than just being the weird kid I was now the weird kid from the year below- a very unhappy time. Learned to mask by secondary school but v poor executive function still- got through on hyper focus and a good memory. University was even worse- I was either getting up to very high risk impulsive behaviour or else rotting in bed.

Things got a lot better in my 20s and I’ve learned my strengths and weaknesses. I can now be extremely organised- I’ve accepted that none of this comes naturally to me so have worked out strategies which take the place of that internal ability- lots of external structure. I have a good job which plays to my strengths- it’s very fast paced but for me that’s the sweet spot- I feel happy and calm while NT colleagues feel stressed. (Best analogy I can give is that my mind is busy like an ants nest, but fast paced complex activities mean every ant has a job.) Happily married, two kids (one ND).

I am a big believer in the hunter/farmer theory of neurodiversity and prefer to think of adhd as a difference rather than a disorder. Framing it in this way has allowed me to appreciate the benefits of my brain- I am creative and imaginative, I thrive under pressure, I am always coming up with ideas- and not just manage the disadvantages. I don’t take medication as I’m very happy as I am, although I think it would probably have really helped me when I was younger. Ultimately I’d love to see schools and workplaces being designed better for ND people rather than ND people feeling obliged to mask and medicate (no criticism here of medicating- it’s definitely the right course in some situations and has been a help for my ND child). I think lots of people with adhd are square pegs in round holes- one option other than making yourself rounder is simply to look for a square hole, but I appreciate that’s easier said than done

I also think inattentive and hyperactive are two sides of the same coin- there’s a need for additional stimulation and that can go inwards or outwards and IME that’s to do with one’s situation, age, personality type etc, rather than truly being evidence of two meaningfully different kinds of adhd.

Some small things-

Waiting mode is definitely an issue. You can ruin my day by putting a meeting in my diary at 5pm. I would be completely incapable of going away for the weekend with my flight home booked for Sunday evening- I’d have to sit in the departure lounge all day 😂

Follow through is still poor. Endless unfinished craft projects. Laundry beautifully washed and dried then left out for a month.

Eye contact is very much a work in progress.

When not masking, I have a tendency to walk around the house and stand in “fun” ways (fun for me)- prancing about, skidding in my socks, acting like a ninja or a robot.

Transitions need a push or else I’m sitting in the car for 20 minutes for no reason.

Still pretty messy- my cleaner comes twice a week and also tidies, thank god.

Very rich and engaging imaginative life which I really enjoy, but can spill over into real life eg unwittingly having facial expressions or even saying words which reflect the conversation or story in my head- can seem a bit odd.

Oh that's really interesting. Thanks so much for laying it out. So presumably you can identify a C-PTSD brain on a scan then?

@comeondover I haven't been scanned myself so I’m not sure. He did say that it’s to do with the amount of neural networks and connections so I’m not sure that would impact actual size of the areas but it’s a good question.

Maybe if they did a functional MRI it would show more/less activities in those areas?

@OneWildandWonderfulLife your post really resonates with me, we sound very similar.

I had no idea I had ADHD until a psychologist who was assessing me for long Covid related work coaching suggested it. Turns out he was a ND specialist and later said he knew within the first few mins of meeting me as it was so obvious. I’m the cliched example of a middle aged woman who was diagnosed at 50 after struggling with depression and burn-out cycles my whole life and never understanding why. Somehow in my 20s I found my way into project management in investment banking / financial services so ideal for someone with ADHD (but also a trigger for repeated burn-outs) and I strongly suspect the majority of people I work with also have ADHD. On our best game, we are absolutely amazing at what we do and the speed we do it at is mind-blowing. But like everything, it comes at a cost and that is always the downside of the ‘good bits’ of ADHD. My finances are a complete shitshow and I decided many years ago to stay single / celibate as I just can’t handle the emotional intensity of romantic relationships (I definitely have RSD) and it ends up destroying me.

Exercise was my way of (unknowingly) managing my ADHD. I was completely addicted to it but it really helped me manage my stress levels and get my dopamine fix. I’m qualified as a gym instructor and have competed internationally in rowing (all while project managing in banking). Quite frankly, my life was completely mental and on the surface I looked like a huge over achiever but in private I was falling apart while on an emotional out-of-control rollercoaster.

The wheels have come off quite a few times (some hidden, some not) but what has really stopped me in my tracks was peri-menopause and getting long Covid at the same time, and then my ADHD diagnosis on top of that. I can no longer exercise due to the long Covid so my coping mechanism is gone. I replaced that with comfort eating but just got very fat and it didn’t help much. Now I’ve lost the weight but can’t find a way to satisfy my dopamine needs in a way that doesn’t destroy my finances or risk throwing my career away. Today I’ve actually taken a sick day from work because I need to get my shit together or I will lose my job. I need hyper focus to kick in tomorrow and if it does, yet again I will save the day by producing some incredible piece of work that wows everyone and buys me more time until I have my next procrastination / lack of focus drama. If it doesn’t kick in, I’m fucked. And so the bloody ADHD cycle continues. It is so exhausting. At least now I know why I behave like this but that’s cold comfort.

So if ADHD is about the brain not managing glucose properly (thanks again to @Cazzovuoi for the explanation), does this explain why my relative who does have an ADHD diagnosis is regularly reaching for carbs? Two or three hours after a decent meal, she'll have something else. Is there another solution besides meds?