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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

166 replies

Sunshine16994 · 05/01/2026 11:32

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

OP posts:
Garroty · 12/01/2026 17:27

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I totally relate to this. My SIL speaks with such deliberation and slowness, often taking long (like up to 45 seconds) pauses in what she's saying while she thinks about her next word, and there are times where I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself screaming or just walking away from boredom (even though what she's saying is usually interesting).

ADHDnewname · 12/01/2026 18:41

@Garroty

“there are times where I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself screaming” YES!!!

berryberi · 12/01/2026 19:07

Lots of minor car accidents. At one stage I felt I was getting to know the neighbours by crashing into their parked cars! I had to keep a couple of grand spare always to pay for people's repairs without going through my insurance.

Arran2024 · 12/01/2026 20:59

Garroty · 12/01/2026 17:27

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I totally relate to this. My SIL speaks with such deliberation and slowness, often taking long (like up to 45 seconds) pauses in what she's saying while she thinks about her next word, and there are times where I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself screaming or just walking away from boredom (even though what she's saying is usually interesting).

I cannot cope with the tv show "who wants to be a millionnaire" because of the way they draw out the questions. My husband doesn't see my problem.

Parriella · 13/01/2026 01:15

Garroty · 12/01/2026 17:27

I find it stressful meeting people who are very early. I struggle with people who speak very slowly and deliberately or who are overly methodical. I must drive those types insane too.

I totally relate to this. My SIL speaks with such deliberation and slowness, often taking long (like up to 45 seconds) pauses in what she's saying while she thinks about her next word, and there are times where I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself screaming or just walking away from boredom (even though what she's saying is usually interesting).

Yes! Relate to this too. Just SAY it 😅

stayathomegardener · 13/01/2026 07:06

Where would anyone recommending starting with a diagnosis?
I’m 56 and not sure I could face the GP.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/01/2026 07:15

I don’t know 🤷 it’s obviously your decision, what difference will it make to your life.
I myself am forgetful and disorganised at the best of times, some people are smarter than others and are naturally more productive, it seems like every 2nd person is ADHD.
My Dsis highly organised, very productive, on the OCD side, ADHD’s first cousin. just maybe none of us are totally neurologically perfectly balanced.
The level of people that are diagnosed with some sort of neurological issue/disability is collapsing economies world wide.

Parsleyandthyme · 13/01/2026 07:24

Lifelong insomnia - now, late in the day have weaseled some sleeping pills out of the GP, thank goodness.

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 13/01/2026 07:31

I was diagnosed and started medication about 10 years ago and the two things that stood out most to me about being medicated were:

  • I stopped finishing people's sentences for them and had the patience to listen to them speak the entire way through without the impulse to interrupt/finish for them, even the really slow ones.
  • I could hear people talking to me, even if I was focused on a task, if someone called my name I heard them and could pay attention the first time.
ADHDnewname · 13/01/2026 11:14

@DontGoJasonWaterfallsthanks, that’s really useful to know. What meds do you take if you don’t mind sharing that?

ellie09 · 13/01/2026 11:45

I am on the pathway now for an ADHD diagnosis which was put on my radar once my child was diagnosed.

Once I had went through my child's pathway, it became pretty obvious that I had ADHD throughout my entire life.

My mum had often said, "if you were a child today, would be diagnosed with something". As a very young child, I was described as being overly talkative, overly hyperactive and hardly slept at all. As time progressed, and I lost my dad at 6, I became more quiet, but still prone to being a daydreamer and had quite a lot of internalized anxiety.

As a child, I was always above average in terms of education, in particular with English, where I was immensely creative and loved writing my own stories or poems.

As a teenager, I once again, was above average academically, especially in topics or subjects I had an interest in. However, I was prone to getting involved in a lot of harmful relationships, and became almost sexually promiscuous until I met my (now) ex husband and settled down in the relationship aspect.

I spent a lot of my teens full of anxiety and depression - lows of taking overdoses or contemplating suicide then major highs where I was absolutely buzzing. I was able to mask massively, so my school/uni/family/friends were none the wiser.

My 20s hit and it was the most overwhelming time for me. I became a mum and was stuck in an abusive relationship and once again, became sexually promiscuous and self destructive. I am ashamed to say I had multiple affairs to try and "sabotage" my marriage and force my abusive husband away from me. I was drinking heavily when I socialised and was arrested for drinking driving after I crashed my car. I was becoming an absolute wreck.

My marriage eventually ended, but I was still taking high risks with sexual activity, problems with alcohol (mainly binge drinking and using this as a way to cope with my feelings) and once again arrested for disorderly behaviour when I was drunk (but was released without charge).

Just before I went to my GP with concerns about ADHD, I hit rock bottom where I was drinking almost every day, I was having major anxiety and panic attacks and starting to feel intensely detached from reality. I genuinely thought I had schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.

I got myself into therapy (privately), which cost me a pretty dime but was well worth it for coping and dealing with internalized trauma. On my first ever appointment, the first thing I did was just cry and cry without saying a word.

My GP said a lot of my symptoms correlate with ADHD and it would explain my long history of up and down anxiety and depression, which was always just put down the "anxiety" or "depression" and never investigated further, despite a pattern.

In short, I went under the radar because I always did well academically, was able to mask very well in school and subsequently work and didnt have issues in holding down a professional job. However, my private life was quite frankly, falling apart. I was masking so hard with the public perception of me that my private life was suffering, badly.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 13/01/2026 12:31

This thread is fascinating.

I'm in my 50s and my life has completely imploded in an overall five year period and I am struggling and isolated and have no idea where to start with rebuilding. Prior to this I always managed to "muddle through" and weather various storms, despite many of the things herr being relatable.

The last five years have been multiple close bereavements, loss of my business, forced relocation, financial issues, and while one might imagine my issues stem more from depression than anything else, it feels as though something more is at play.

I asked for an ADHD assessment a couple of years ago which was a preliminary thing done over the phone by a very bored sounding GP who said I didn't match the childhood criteria by a couple of points so I didn't qualify for anything further. I had a social prescriber who passed me off to a bereavement counsellor, who is very kind but sits looking like a bunny in the headlights for most sessions and whose goal is for me to be able to look at pictures of my late DH (dead coming up foyr years) without feeling sad or angry....)

So I keep trying to engage but am always left feeling as though they don't know what to do with me - and frankly nobody does. I have three good friends and we muddle along together, but they have their own serious life issues and it has been drummed into me since childhood not to be a burden, so while we exchange war stories I can't touch on how desperate I feel.

My inner "critical parent" is strong and I feel as though I am potentially an attention seeker, so I withdraw at the least challenge or criticism, because I "know" I'm a complete fuck up on every front, even though objectively I've raised children, done alot of elderly care and coukd have run my business successfully if DH hadn't died and the COL crisis wasn't a thing.

So I'm not sure if I am ND - diagnosed younger people have suggested I could be, but obviously my inner critic doesn't like that and tells me I'm just a terminal mess approaching obsolescence due to my age.

I keep telling myself to just "sort myself out" and stop whinging and procrastinating, but I don't know where to start, or if it's even worth it. I don't have any idea of purpose or structure.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble.

But thank you for a thread that is so interesting because it is so resonant with so many aspects of my life and personality, it is helpful to know I'm not alone.

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 13/01/2026 19:00

ADHDnewname · 13/01/2026 11:14

@DontGoJasonWaterfallsthanks, that’s really useful to know. What meds do you take if you don’t mind sharing that?

I don't anymore, I had to come off them because I had horrendous side effects when taking them with epilepsy meds (and controlling the epilepsy was obviously a bit more urgent 😅), but I was on Concerta XL (methylphenidate). They were great, and I find it easier now to cope day to day without the meds because I learned coping strategies while on them.

Bleachedjeans · 13/01/2026 19:20

I think my StepDIL has ADHD. I found her quite irritating for a few years but now I realise she’s probably ADHD (like her son) and I am trying to be more understanding. She seems very disorganised and forgetful; she talks very quickly and ‘in your face’, she’s never off her phone, she is obsessed with jogging and runs every morning and evening, she’s very untidy and makes a show of doing housework but very little gets done. She buys tons of shopping 2 or 3 times a week and shoves everything into
their 2 big fridges pushing old stuff to the back where it goes off or becomes out of date. She opens new cheese, cereals, bread and other food stuffs rather than using opened packs. She’s like a 12 year old. It’s hard because I can hardly say ‘I think you’ve got ADHD.’ All we can do is keep quiet and keep out of it.

Bleachedjeans · 13/01/2026 19:23

MistressoftheDarkSide · 13/01/2026 12:31

This thread is fascinating.

I'm in my 50s and my life has completely imploded in an overall five year period and I am struggling and isolated and have no idea where to start with rebuilding. Prior to this I always managed to "muddle through" and weather various storms, despite many of the things herr being relatable.

The last five years have been multiple close bereavements, loss of my business, forced relocation, financial issues, and while one might imagine my issues stem more from depression than anything else, it feels as though something more is at play.

I asked for an ADHD assessment a couple of years ago which was a preliminary thing done over the phone by a very bored sounding GP who said I didn't match the childhood criteria by a couple of points so I didn't qualify for anything further. I had a social prescriber who passed me off to a bereavement counsellor, who is very kind but sits looking like a bunny in the headlights for most sessions and whose goal is for me to be able to look at pictures of my late DH (dead coming up foyr years) without feeling sad or angry....)

So I keep trying to engage but am always left feeling as though they don't know what to do with me - and frankly nobody does. I have three good friends and we muddle along together, but they have their own serious life issues and it has been drummed into me since childhood not to be a burden, so while we exchange war stories I can't touch on how desperate I feel.

My inner "critical parent" is strong and I feel as though I am potentially an attention seeker, so I withdraw at the least challenge or criticism, because I "know" I'm a complete fuck up on every front, even though objectively I've raised children, done alot of elderly care and coukd have run my business successfully if DH hadn't died and the COL crisis wasn't a thing.

So I'm not sure if I am ND - diagnosed younger people have suggested I could be, but obviously my inner critic doesn't like that and tells me I'm just a terminal mess approaching obsolescence due to my age.

I keep telling myself to just "sort myself out" and stop whinging and procrastinating, but I don't know where to start, or if it's even worth it. I don't have any idea of purpose or structure.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble.

But thank you for a thread that is so interesting because it is so resonant with so many aspects of my life and personality, it is helpful to know I'm not alone.

So sorry you have experienced this. Especially the bereavement counsellor who sounds absolutely useless! 🌺

Parsleyandthyme · 14/01/2026 06:15

The PTSD /ADHD thing - if your parent/parents had adhd then there’s a good chance they took something, drugs ,alcohol, nicotine for the needed dopamine boost. Which could have caused trauma in your life depending on how serious any, addiction, if they had it ,was.
I really think all prisoners should be checked out and all drug addicts. How different their lives could be if their adhd was medicated

Linoleum81 · 14/01/2026 06:21

I do most of these things that you do. So does my mum. I had actually just assumed that these were just normal human traits because we were trying to do too many things rather than there being anything medically or neurologically wrong with us. It seems that most people these days have a neuro diversity of some kind: this makes me think that there is nothing wrong with most people: we just expect too much of ourselves

DeftGoldHedgehog · 14/01/2026 06:26

I can recognise some of these things, DD2 has AuADHD, and also I'm 50 and menopause is also a factor. I don't see what going to the GP will do as the main thing is to find work that suits you, find strategies to deal with it and by kind to yourself. I wouldn't have my imaginative, scatty, butterfly brain any other way and certainly wouldn't want to take drugs to dull things down.

Modern life is set up to trip you up, it's often too much for anyone's brain to cope with.

OnlyFrench · 14/01/2026 07:47

Netcurtainnelly · 05/01/2026 16:13

How about this one has anyone found it impossible to learn to drive..

I found it impossible to learn everything and vo ordination it altogether and all the concentration thats needed.

I did give it a real good go. I didnt just give up. In the end I thought this isn't meant to be and I'm not meant to be on the road.

Although I'm competent in many things. I did not take to learning to drive.

Anyone else?

My DD, diagnosed at 18 and now 30, has never managed to learn.

lumpslumpsandmorelumps · 15/01/2026 19:10

Threads like this and explain everything I’ve ever struggled with. The GP referred me 4+ years ago and I’ve just been through assessment only to find I don’t score highly enough for a diagnosis.

I’m left wondering if the NHS has decided that there needs to be fewer adults diagnosed.
apparently I do have some adhd traits, some ASD traits and some elements of dyspraxia, and I’m not NT but not ND enough.

I feel I didn’t do a good enough job of explaining my struggles because I largely manage them to be able to function. I also couldn’t remember a lot of the childhood stuff she asked about…I’m over 50!

I’m baffled, upset, confused and all round shell shocked and have no idea what to do now.

I needed the validation of a diagnosis to prove I’m not lazy, disorganised, socially inept etc.

notacooldad · 15/01/2026 19:24

You, and others sound like me.
I am ok in the office if there is one or two people there. Any more and I cant cope and have to find a quiet space. This got brought up in .y supervision and was told that I looked like I didnt want to be with my colleagues. Once I explained that I could feel tension rising and getting more and more anxious they understood.
Someone introduced a radio into the office and my brain blew a fuse. What's worse is if they put it on and then leave the room.

My husband jokes he never knows what state the house is going to be in when its my day off because ive been 'tidying'.
I have good intentions, I write lists, I put set alarms on so try to challenge myself to stay on task for , say 20 mins, but the minute I go into another room I see something else that needs doing so I do that!

Staff at work have described me as absolutely lovely and quirky. When ive asked what they mean they say its because I like to do a lot of things by myself, and because of my interests.
The list goes on and on.

I'd never given Adhd a thought until 'everyone' ( joking!) was having assessments and saying they are ND and started mentally ticking things off in my head associated with it. There was a reel on tik tok that listed about 9 different adhd traits in women and dh was ' yeah, thats you' , 😆 🤣

I have no intention of getting tested. I am comfortable in my own skin and it won't make a jot of difference to my life.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2026 19:27

I haven’t been diagnosed or assessed for ADHD. Probably never will (mainly because I have reached the age of 53 without it and its just another tiresome project to manage. But increasingly wondering if I am. For me its:

  • Get bored incredibly fast. Quite often find my attention wandering within seconds if I have to focus on something (a document, a book, a film). When I actually get into something I can become obsessed and hyper focused. If I’m not obsessed I become painfully bored.
  • I find organising and planning things ahead of time engenders a feeling of complete terror. If, for example, I have to RSVP to something I find myself finding excuses not to so it. I have learned the hard way that this seriously pisses people off so I force myself to do it but it makes me feel physically sick.
  • I can’t bear any kind of financial planning.
  • Loathe being idle/not having enough to do. I force myself to do things just to be busy because it’s the idea of not being productive makes me feel guilty and useless. The idea of a day in front of the TV is my idea of hell
  • I have no attention to detail. I am great at big projects and big picture strategy but I find small tactical and logistical details boring and forget them. I hate spreadsheets with a passion.

Interested to hear if these resonate with others.

notacooldad · 15/01/2026 19:37

@Thepeopleversuswork
100% resonates with me!!

Angelic999 · 15/01/2026 19:40

Maladaptive daydreaming. Not idle ruminating or casual imagining, but deep, emotionally resonant daydreams which can feel as impactful on my mood and behaviour as real life events, with some story arcs spanning years.

Wow, I'm intrigued as to these daydreams! I'm a daydreamer too but not in terms of ongoing storylines! @Garroty

Arran2024 · 15/01/2026 19:46

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2026 19:27

I haven’t been diagnosed or assessed for ADHD. Probably never will (mainly because I have reached the age of 53 without it and its just another tiresome project to manage. But increasingly wondering if I am. For me its:

  • Get bored incredibly fast. Quite often find my attention wandering within seconds if I have to focus on something (a document, a book, a film). When I actually get into something I can become obsessed and hyper focused. If I’m not obsessed I become painfully bored.
  • I find organising and planning things ahead of time engenders a feeling of complete terror. If, for example, I have to RSVP to something I find myself finding excuses not to so it. I have learned the hard way that this seriously pisses people off so I force myself to do it but it makes me feel physically sick.
  • I can’t bear any kind of financial planning.
  • Loathe being idle/not having enough to do. I force myself to do things just to be busy because it’s the idea of not being productive makes me feel guilty and useless. The idea of a day in front of the TV is my idea of hell
  • I have no attention to detail. I am great at big projects and big picture strategy but I find small tactical and logistical details boring and forget them. I hate spreadsheets with a passion.

Interested to hear if these resonate with others.

Edited

All of it. I get bored so quickly at anything. I mentioned upthread that weddings are my idea of hell. Any sport, I've had enough after about 10 minutes. I hate quizzes like Who Wants to be a Millionaire because they take so long over each question. Strictly is the same - all that chatting and behind the scenes stuff drives me mad.

If I watch TV I will be ironing or doing an art project at the same time.

At school or in work meetings I HAD to doodle to be able to concentrate. If I'm on a train, I have to read something.

I hate forward planning too and just take each day at a time.

I used to work on big projects at work - everything was in my head. Then they brought in project management managers and software and I hated it. I hate anything to do with finance.