What are some symptoms as an adult woman that you didn’t realise were ADHD symptoms?

[Sunshine16994]

I suspect I have ADHD, for years I’ve been the unorganised or forgetful person, often people have said said I do things because I’m not paying attention. In hindsight for years I have probably had ADHD. I struggle to concentrate with background sounds, I am very academic and when I put my mind to it I can be very structured and organised but it takes what I feel a lot more work than the average person to be this.
Since having my son, I’ve found that I get overwhelmed even more so with the clutter that comes with it, if my house is a mess my brain feels a mess. Also I get extremely overstimulated with multiple sounds and things going on. It can lead me to needing to just leave the room. I appreciate this may actually be very normal but I’m not sure if it is?

In short - I lose everything frequently, I have had to put finders on my keys and phone because it’s such a regular occurrence. I could put my keys in specified place but after a few days I can’t seem to stick to it or still end up losing things.
I make a lot of mistakes in my work if my brain isn’t completely focused on it, as I said I am very

I am thinking of going to the doctors to start the process off to get an assessment. But I just wondered from women that have ADHD, what were your telling symptoms? Obvious, or less obvious

This all really resonates with me. Apart from the compulsive need to do physical labour you basically are me.

Im wondering now whether I should try and get a formal diagnosis. Im self-employed so formal diagnosis wouldnt help in getting any extra consideration at work but i suppose a GP wouldnt prescribe medication without a formal diagnosis and that would take a long time on the NHS....id like to see if medication woukd help.

Regarding the manual work, I wonder if it is a coping mechanism for the need to move about a lot. A couple of close friends over the years mentioned in passing that they thought i had ADHD (in a kindly way) they didnt seem concerned just noticed the fact i cant sit for long and the subject hopping in conversation.

@Cornishwafer do you find that your ‘quirks’ significantly impact you every day? They don’t sound particularly debilitating?

It's important to be aware that many people experience the traits of ADHD but ADHD is only diagnosed when these symptoms are persistent, severe, and significantly impact daily functioning.

This. I have every symptom pp's have listed here, yet I had my assessment and was told I don't have ADHD. Symptoms were put down to past trauma and current life stresses.

It just seems to me that you can have all sorts of non-typical behaviour and feelings, but the people who put together the DSM (which is the leading light on neuro divergent conditions), put some of them into packages and label them.

The DSM is highly contentious. Reading up on criticisms of it and all the various conditions it recognises (and those it doesn't) is really interesting.

A lot of it comes down to Big Pharma wanting conditions that can be diagnosed to allow drugs to be prescribed for example.

My adopted daughters have so many challenges and issues arising from them - tics for example. Extreme panic. Social skills deficits. Executive functioning problems.

We could work out a programme of useful interventions for everything they experience, but that's not how it works. You get assessed for adhd and if you score enough points, you have the diagnosis and you can try the meds, but all your other issues are ignored.

So, for example, people have mentioned finding labels in clothes scratchy. That is often seen as an autism associated condition.

But maybe some of us just have loads of quirks which we could deal with in lots of different ways.

I'm not saying don't get assessed, but I do think it can end up suggesting that adhd is both the cause and the solution, and I think it's more complex than that.

Anyway, I wanted to recommend a book, which isn't about adhd, but I found really helpful in understanding me and what could help. It is called Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight by Sharon Heller

Labels being scratchy is also linked to ADHD according to my local specialist ADHD assessor.
I'm 61 & have never been diagnosed but I'm pretty certain I have it. Interestingly enough 3/4 of my children have ADHD. My youngest used to cut all the labels out of his school shirts so every one had a hole in. We just used to think he was very quirky. My kids weren't impacted by ADHD largely until they hit puberty. Though there were some early signs. Then it was Armageddon for 2 of them. One went from the top of the class & being an all round brilliant achiever to the bottom in a highly academic school, as her coping strategies failed.

My quirks dont make life impossible but I think its because since I was young ive found workarounds (lists help). I can live with the multitudes of unfinished stuff, not being able to stay still (i can just get up when i want as wfh) but i do think some work related tasks end up edging towards impossible in a reasonable time frame as I have to break them up with other things every 10 minutes..so an hour and a half task becomes like watching a film with 20 ad breaks...the whole thing ends up taking 4 x the time. Some of the quirks I feel ive had so long that weirdly id prefer to keep them as thats 'me'.

I dont have some of the more severe symptoms like impulsive behaviour though and I can listen to other people speaking and take it in without zoning out.

Eating - I’m too fat because I binge eat so my mind quietens. It’s not binge eating disorder, it’s dopamine seeking.

We could work out a programme of useful interventions for everything they experience, but that's not how it works. You get assessed for adhd and if you score enough points, you have the diagnosis and you can try the meds, but all your other issues are

Re but all your other issues are ignored
This is a very real danger.

What's your point?

ADHD meds are purely for the executive function deficit. Even on the right meds you still need to learn about yourself and your own challenges and ways to deal them. That's an awful lot easier when you actually know you have ADHD and are on meds that help you to focus on what you need to focus on.

Maybe how understanding evolves over time and ignorance over certain conditions reduces? E.g. people with dyslexia previously dubbed lazy or stupid, things like ovarian cancer labelled as hysteria etc.

I am undiagnosed but bloody hell you could be describing me here.
Cut it so fine to get to places I am often setting out when I should be arriving.
Spend hours researching things but need someone else to help me make the actual decision (even simple things like choosing a hotel I agonise over into the night.)
Forget about friends (as in I still think of them as friends but I don't feel the need to see them regularly or put in maintenance, which I am aware makes me a shit friend.)
Eventually learnt to drive as an adult in an automatic but driving didn't and doesn't come easily to me.
Limerence - putting people on a pedestal throughout my teens and early 20s - I feel quite embarrassed and annoyed with myself about that now as they were very average & undeserving of such adoration!
The internet makes my procrastination 100 x worse and I can see the same traits in my DC. I used to have to have nothing else to do to eventually settle down to study if there was anything to distract I would use that. How they study now is beyond me.
Always speak over people, especially if I am enjoying the conversation and excited by an idea. I apologise but I know it's an awful trait.

I just thought that was how I am but maybe I have ADHD?

@BlackForestRoulette the word finding thing can be a MS neurolgical symptom - I have difficulty with nouns at the end of a sentence eg I will ask DH ro close the door when I meant to say window.

Yes to hyperfocus. When it is working for you, it gives the impression it is amazing, and can cover all kinds of murk. As you get older, you realise how tiring it is (which you didn't, in the past), and the price that it exacts.

I have a theory that you also try to push everything that poses a challenge down the channels of skill or attention that you know work for you, in my case, visual or written (spoken or spatial are the sides that are the complete opposites in my case, and may be actively dangerous if I tried to rely on them). Then get frustrated because the overdeveloped areas can't properly compensate for everything, and often feel very slow if they are not well-suited to what you are attempting to make them solve.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat "Hyperfocus that means it's very difficult to watch films with me because I spend my time going 'but what happened to...?' and 'but what about...?' and harping on and on about plot holes."

Oh - Thank You for explaining this! I have always been absolutely laser-like when it comes to books, can't get enough of them, but can't follow a film on just one viewing to save my life, and often don't care enough to try to watch twice or more times!

I was considered "clever" at school - top of the class in the subjects I took. But I hated science with a passion. None of it seemed to stick and I simply couldn't do it. Geography was the same. I got special dispensation to drop science for O Levels as I was so hopeless at them . My favourite class was History but I remember doing really badly on a WW1 module on warships and the teacher telling me I had to also try on the subjects I didn't like.