Teen son been a victim of a scam

[worriedmum223]

NC for this. Over the weekend my ds14 has been the victim of a sextortion scam. He was contacted on Tik Tok by someone posing as a girl who coerced him into sending nude photos. As soon as they had them they threatened to leak them to his Tik Tok contacts unless he paid money. My son did not initially tell us, but we had notifications from his bank account of him trying to access money which prompted a discussion and despite initially lying about the reason, he did eventually come clean.

I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked. He was beside himself and in tears. I’ve never seen him so shaken. I have drilled into him from a young age the dangers of social media and how you never speak to strangers and certainly never share personal information or photos. I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today but trying to keep my son out of it for now because he is so mortified and upset.

I am worried on a number of counts.

Firstly if they do actually leak the photos which would be horrific for him. Although I’m led to believe this is rare and they are more likely to just move onto the next victim when they realise it’s a dead end.

Secondly if they try to contact him again now that they have his number and email address (all contact via Tik Tok and WhatsApp has been blocked but they could find other ways). His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

Thirdly whether he could be in trouble himself for sending and asking for explicit photos at his age.

But mostly the emotional impact this could have on him. He was so embarrassed and upset. The fact he didn’t initially feel like he could be honest has upset me. And of course that he did this full stop. I get teenage boys have raging hormones but it’s such a stupid and out of character thing for him to do.

Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers. If anyone else has been through this please let me know your experience and what happened next.

I’m not waiting for the UK to ban socials.

I’m off them and my kids are not getting access until they are 16 and maybe older if I educate them and model behaviour well enough for them.

yes they gnash their teeth at me and wail occasionally but they all have healthy friendships, good connections in local sports and activity clubs and happy lives and I know they are safe from all the risks that we all know.

I agree. I've posted a few times that I've learned that it's much easier to just say no in the first place than it is to roll back anything you've allowed, even with conditions and qualifications. Some parents struggle with it and one of the reasons is that, far from it being purely and simply a parenting failure, we've got an over-reliance on 'educating' children. They're absolutely overloaded with things they shouldn't be and then we expect them to make good decisions way out of the scope of the developmental stage. Sometimes we just need to simply protect children. So I would support banning, to protect children, reduce the pressure on parents, and reverse the idea that education solves everything.

Nope doesn’t make me feel good, my niece is cutting as a result of continued exposure to rubbish algorithms

some of us reacting to this due to the “his friends have it so part of life “ comment

you can’t educate them or protect them if you’re exposing them to something you can’t see yourself

The U.K. may ban social media for under 16s sooner than you think. A lot of European counties are following suit. France is now on the case.

www.theguardian.com/world/2025/dec/31/france-plans-social-media-ban-for-under-15s-from-september-2026

Why why why do people send these pics in this day and age with all the bad stuff around it being highlighted! Even if you are madly in love and know them well - things change! Drum it into your vulnerable kids!

Speak to the school as well. I work at a boarding school and this is so common but the school will work with you to offer him support.

We do regular PHSEE lessons on social media and nudes, they all roll their eyes and say they know but then they do keep falling for scams. Not because they are daft/ stupid but because it is really easy to fall into them.

The OP thought she had. That's the point.

It is reassuring that he was able to tell you.

This was a boy at my son's school
https://www.maidenhead-advertiser.co.uk/news/windsor/73927/Teenager-hanged-himself-after-receiving-internet.html

I am so sorry that you and your son are going through this.

We had a very similar situation with someone we know well. The scammers were relentless for a couple of days, even though there was no response from the victim after the initial messages.

After a couple of days, the scammers sent through a screenshot which purported to show a message sent from the victims TikTok to one of their contacts. The content included the indecent photo and vile words from the scammer ridiculing the victim. This screenshot was fake - but made to look like it was legit to increase the threat of releasing it further. So please be mindful that if the scammer sends ‘proof’ that they are serious in their threat, it’s not always the case that it has actually been done.

The advice we received was to check their iCloud account as that’s how the scammers gained access to all their personal info and SM accounts. We went into the Apple Store and they were very good at helping.

In the situation we were involved with, the child got a new phone, phone number and SM accounts to take the stress off them and the old phone was turned off. Eventually the communication ceased, but it went on for over a week.

You are very welcome to DM me if you have any questions.

OP
Speak with and cooperate with the police, disconnect the internet to ensure your son's safety, and be there to protect and care for him at all times.

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After seeing some replies in this thread, I don’t blame those who turn to AI for conversation and solutions to their problems.

Of course, there are always people quick to harshly judge and even wish the boy the worst possible outcomes. The victim already knows he’s made mistakes and has learned that some people don’t want him alive or at peace. He’s dealing with the consequences, while the real criminals walk free, making millions, and receiving support from people everywhere who keep blaming the victims.

Sorry no experience with this, but just to say he is the victim here, as you say, only 14, young and vunerable, and sure thats how the police will see it. So glad he told you. Keep telling him how glad you are he told you, and you will get through this together. X

If photos are leaked go with the ‘it’s obviously been done with AI’ line.

You think criminals only exist online??

You don’t think young teenage boys are at risk of grooming by gangs or older influences in real life?

You don’t think he could send pics to a gf who would then use them against him in the future?

You don’t think he could go out and be mugged by a random person?

Social media is part of everyday life.
You cannot stop them from using it, just like you can’t keep them locked in the house forever.

What you can do is highlight the dangers and tips on how to protect themselves.

But OPs son is a victim, just as much as if he was robbed on the street.

My son had exactly the same experience and the scammer threatened to send the picture to various older sounding women on his friends list (his aunt, grandmother and a couple of family friends, obviously chosen for maximum embarrassment). When he pushed back, saying he was 14 and had no money, they wanted my credit card details. Later that evening a man phoned him and claimed to be FBI, saying he would be arrested if he didn't pay. I can see how this could push a more sensitive child into hurting themselves or worse. On our advice he ignored them and I asked the women mentioned to ignore any messages and they were very understanding (and I checked my mum's messenger account and she had been contacted but it had gone to a spam filter thing). Please reassure your son thattelling you was the right thing to do and that nothing further will come of it.

I agree that, as a society, we need to do something. Unfortunately, I don’t think that banning under 16s will change much. We all know that teenagers are technologically very capable and are likely to be able to bypass age restrictions anyway. As an example, instagram is theoretically for over 13s and yet lots of children have accounts below that age (often with their parents’ knowledge). Let’s assume that they abide by the 16 age limit. They won’t suddenly become sensible and tech savvy on their 16th birthday. They’ll go from having nothing to being let loose on social media platforms.

Aside from all that, we don’t need to wait for laws to be passed if we don’t want our children on certain social media platforms. I know of plenty of younger teens not on tik tok or Snapchat for example.

f the worst happens, tell hm to deny everything and say they are deepfakes.

The OP did highlight the dangers. She did tell him how to protect himself. You can as top them using social media.

Because the people running these scams are highly skilled at gaining trust. It’s absolutely no different to children who are groomed online and in real life for the purpose of sexually abusing them. We don’t blame those young people because we recognise how sophisticated the mechanisms are that draw young people in and how victimised the young people are.

I’d rather help my kids navigate these waters while I’m able to support them and influence them than wait until they are 16/18 and are trying to find their way with less oversight. It’s very easy to judge and blame.

I think you need to read a bit more about how Australia is implementing the ban…

So not helpful 🙄

Of course I know criminals exist elsewhere. I agree he is a victim.

As I said I feel huge sympathy and we’ve experienced horrid things with our son years ago on utube- part of the reason we have our current set up.

I want to share this message: my kids are not on social media and they have great, normal lives.

This removes a huge channel of risk from their lives.

Of course I know it doesn’t remove all risk.

My kids are happy and healthy and have great friends.

It is possible. We as parents need to stop wringing our hands and take back the power.

We need to keep our kids safe from what has been proven to be a dangerous thing.

yes it’s hard and difficult to go against the tide but the tide sucks and it’s stupid and puts kids at risk.

You are on the right track by the sound of it. I wouldn't overally worry personally. There are so many scammers like this out there. Giving them money for these photos is a no no. I wouldn't give the photos too much thought. Your son could always tell contacts they were AI generated by a scammer worst comes to worst. It is a lesson for your son though. I would keep things calm and not give out too much because it looks like he has got good fright already. But do have a chat to him about the dangers of scammers, how internet users can be posing as teens/kids so that he knows. You did the right thing telling the guards. There are lots of scammers out there so I don't know how much they will do but it's good to make them aware

I am so sorry OP- this is so upsetting for you all. I think you've done the right thing by going to the police.

Ignore the people being unkind- at age 14 I did some monumentally stupid things, heck, at age 18 I did some monumentally stupid things, it doesn't mean your entire life deserves to be ruined.

I would recommend you read the book the gift of fear by Gavin De Becker- its a wonderful book about staying safe and has some great advice in it about blackmail threats etc

OP, I haven't RTFT, but I've read all of your posts. This is an extremely common scam, and it's rare that the perpetrators actually follow through on their threats. It's literally some guy in an illegal call centre halfway across the world, who probably has dozens of these scams going at once. Go to the Scams sub on Reddit, and you can read about hundreds of similar cases. In general you're safe to call their bluff and just ignore it, and nothing further will happen. /r/Scams

I'm really sorry this has happened to your son. He's learned a valuable, but painful, lesson.

stop repeating these damaging statements:

”we can’t stop them from being on social media” yes you 100% can. I bet you pay for their devices / wifi they use to access it.

”all their friends are doing it” if you’re friends all jumped off a bridge would you? Message from since parenting began.

”social media is harmless” literally has been proven to be harming our kids mental healthy repeatedly.

as parents we are part of the problem if we’re not saying no to this rubbish