Teen son been a victim of a scam

[worriedmum223]

NC for this. Over the weekend my ds14 has been the victim of a sextortion scam. He was contacted on Tik Tok by someone posing as a girl who coerced him into sending nude photos. As soon as they had them they threatened to leak them to his Tik Tok contacts unless he paid money. My son did not initially tell us, but we had notifications from his bank account of him trying to access money which prompted a discussion and despite initially lying about the reason, he did eventually come clean.

I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked. He was beside himself and in tears. I’ve never seen him so shaken. I have drilled into him from a young age the dangers of social media and how you never speak to strangers and certainly never share personal information or photos. I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today but trying to keep my son out of it for now because he is so mortified and upset.

I am worried on a number of counts.

Firstly if they do actually leak the photos which would be horrific for him. Although I’m led to believe this is rare and they are more likely to just move onto the next victim when they realise it’s a dead end.

Secondly if they try to contact him again now that they have his number and email address (all contact via Tik Tok and WhatsApp has been blocked but they could find other ways). His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

Thirdly whether he could be in trouble himself for sending and asking for explicit photos at his age.

But mostly the emotional impact this could have on him. He was so embarrassed and upset. The fact he didn’t initially feel like he could be honest has upset me. And of course that he did this full stop. I get teenage boys have raging hormones but it’s such a stupid and out of character thing for him to do.

Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers. If anyone else has been through this please let me know your experience and what happened next.

Similar happened to my ds. He gave the scammers £100. We did report to the police who were actually really supportive, although didn't try to trace the scammers or anything.

Police told him to block and ignore, said these types of scammers target 1000s of people every day and if you block them they rarely bother pursuing. Sadly they are more likely to pursue people who do get sucked into talking to them, asking them to stop, negotiating. If you just block them they'll move on because they have 999 other targets that day.

Police also gave him a good tip- they said to find a photo of the Hulk or some bodybuilder, amazing physique person (with shorts on), and badly photoshop ds's face on it. Then if scammers do release a naked photo ds should post his photo along with a message saying- "I think I've been hacked. If you see a naked photo that's claiming to be me, it's not. This is what I actually look like with no clothes on". So making it a joke and making people doubt if the naked photo is ds or not. Rather than disappearing online and then everyone will assume it is you and you're embarrassed.

I've not explained that as well as the Police officer did but the idea of doing it did cheer ds up.

Nothing else ever came of it. No photos were ever released.

It's truly horrible though. Your poor ds. I'm glad he told you in the end. I'm glad my ds could tell me. We must be doing something right!

Reassure him that this is not the end of the world. It will all be fine. He did well yo tell you.

He should remove all his friends from his account, close the account and start again with a new phone number and social media.

You need to supervise more closely. 14 year olds shouldn’t have tiktok account that isn’t closely monitored. Going forward, you should have log in details to his social media so you can access as necessary. You should check his accounts are wholly private, so he can’t be contacted by strangers. You should take his phone at night and check it.

I would message them to say the police have been contacted and that they are distributing child pornography which is an offence.

I am assuming he had his face in them which is awful.

Tell him that although what he did was silly, there are millions of naked photos on the internet and so they’re not going to leak these photos because they know they’re not getting their money and what would be the point as no one would care.

Frankly, it’s a kids penis which no one would care to see or if they did see it aren’t going to think much about it when they can see pictures of dicks whenever they want to.

Tell him to not do it again but if he ever gets the urge then to never show his face.
It’s easy to say to not do it but these are very sophisticated adults whose job it is to manipulate and trick people - even grown adults fall for it.

Tell him it’s nothing personal to him.
They do it to multiple people every day and in a few days it will all be forgotten about.

I actually don’t think there is much worse for a teen to have the worry about someone sharing their naked pics with someone.

He's a child and the victim here, OP, he won't be in any trouble. If the person released the images, they would be in trouble, especially as they are images of a minor. The person responsible most likely knows this and is just after easy money and capitalising on their victims' fear.

You've done the right thing here. I hope your meeting with the police is reassuring.

We can tell our children until we're blue in the face, sometimes they have to learn for themselves the hard way.

I hope your son is OK - this is a pretty harsh lesson.

You can monitor his text messages on a PC, if he is on an Android you can set up Family Link (supposed to be for under 13s but it is still on my 14yo phone) and block him from reinstalling WhatsApp/Tiktok etc. Given his age you probably want this to be temporary but he sounds like he's likely to be on board with a temporary ban.

@worriedmum223

"We are considering changing his number and deleting the email address that they are aware of. The Tik Tok account has been blocked but we will delete his account too once I’ve seen the police and they have all the information off it that they need"

Keep the evidence and screenshot everything, don't delete just yet, hopefully the police will give you best information on how to proceed.

online resources suggest;

1. Stop All Contact Immediately: Block the user on all platforms (TikTok, WhatsApp, Snapchat, etc.) and cease all communication. Do not pay any money, as this rarely guarantees the deletion of photos and often leads to further demands.
2. Save Everything (Evidence): Take screenshots of all conversations, profiles, and any photos sent. Note down the user's username, profile information, and any phone numbers or email addresses they used. This evidence is crucial for reporting the incident.
3. Do Not Delete Your Account: While you may want to delete your accounts, do not do so immediately, as this may also delete the valuable evidence needed for investigation.

Your poor son, he must have been terrified @worriedmum223.

Echo others, that thank goodness you found out, also so useful that you have an alert on his bank account.

Good luck to you all 🌸

@Randomchat

Police also gave him a good tip- they said to find a photo of the Hulk or some bodybuilder, amazing physique person (with shorts on), and badly photoshop ds's face on it. Then if scammers do release a naked photo ds should post his photo along with a message saying- "I think I've been hacked. If you see a naked photo that's claiming to be me, it's not. This is what I actually look like with no clothes on". So making it a joke and making people doubt if the naked photo is ds or not. Rather than disappearing online and then everyone will assume it is you and you're embarrassed.

Great idea.

I worked in a school where an ex gf distributed naked photos of one of the boys.

He was mad and embarrassed at first and then was like “yeah so what, that’s my dick get over it. You either have one yourself or you’ve never seen one so enjoy it” - it literally stopped everyone in their tracks and no one cared because he acted like he didn’t care.

“No lectures about social media and all his friends have it”

Yikes.

I’m sure you do actually feel bad about allowing him to be accessed by criminals and taken advantage of. I have very strong feelings about how parents like us should listen to their own instincts on this.

are we as parents seriously ok with putting our kids out there like this?!

It’s madness

This iplayer episode is an interesting watch. I'm so sorry this has happened. Such a despicable crime.

Contact police.

Unlikely they will leak them but they will probably sell the photos to sick people :(

In all honesty, even if your sons face in in the photos and it does get posted (unlikely as the scammers don't have anything to gain at this point) just tell everyone someone was trying to extort money from ds and they used AI to make photos of him. It will be embarrassing for a bit, and it's a harsh way to learn a lesson, but ultimately it will all be forgotton about before long by his friends.

Wrt the police that may be tricky to navigate, it depends on how old the scammer said this girl was. I can't imagine he would get charged, but he may get a good talking to. They should also be offering some support as well.

He is a victim of catfishing and extortion here BUT your DS sent the photos to someone he believed to be a minor child. You need to impress on him whst thr consequences of that could have been!

Oh yes. And you've never made a mistake in your entire life because you knew everything from birth.

Say something helpful or perhaps don't bother

I hope you’ve deleted his TikTok?

https://ivisontrust.org.uk/for-parents/
this is a link to an organisation that may be able to help you.

OP there is an app run by child line and the police that can remove his photos from the 'white' web if they were to get posted. Dark web not so much, but it's better than nothing. It is quite unlikely they would get posted as it brings a digital footprint to the scams and they still won't receive any money. Please Google it I can't remember the name of it.

Secondly, it would be extremely unlikely your DS would get into trouble. He may be given a stern warning about sharing explicit photos but that will be more about ensuring he doesn't share any or receive any even if it was a girl the same age who he knew for example, in the future. I think most police are aware they are already pretty embarrassed and want them to cooperate.

Please don't expect much from the police though, if it's international it's almost impossible for non specialist police to trace and any bigger operations you'd never be given an insight to anyway. So please don't let your DS be disheartened that he may feel like this has gotten nowhere by involving the police.

Finally use this to tighten all your online security for everyone in the family, 2 Factor Authentication for everything (you can do it on all social media too) search the recommendations for cyber security such as 3 word passwords etc.
I would personally change DS phone number and email address, any personalised information and close any social media accounts using those details.
His personal information could possibly get passed on and removing any attachments to this is the best way to move forward.
Also delete any photos from the messages themselves, so they have no further opportunity to save them.

This happened to a friend's neighbour. They found their son (the same age as yours) dead in his bedroom. He was being blackmailed over photos.

I am so glad that your son told you about this. This is absolutely not his fault, he is the victim of a horrible and shocking crime. I hope you & your son are ok.

So sorry to hear this. Your son must be distraught. It’s great that you are talking openly about it. Similar cases where the parents didn’t know have had tragic consequences. No advice as such but assure him he’s done nothing wrong apart from being foolish/impulsive. These scammers prey on feelings of shame and embarrassment- he needs to rise above that and move on with his head held high. Sending supportive unMN like hugs to you all

Hello, I just wanted to post and send hugs to both you and your Ds, this makes a heartbreaking read and must be so tough for you both to go through. There’s some horrible people in the world aren’t there?
I have a 13 year old ds who got got into trouble over “images” a couple of months ago, fortunately less severe than this but still absolutely awful at the time.

I made him sit down and read this thread so thank you for sharing.

I do think it’s important to remind him that although this is very serious he won’t be the first or last teen to get into trouble this way and one day it will be yesterday’s news and he will have moved on from this…I’m so glad he told you Op!!

I haven’t blocked or deleted anything until the police have investigated but his phone has been removed. I hope sticking the boot in is making you feel good.

We can’t protect our kids against everything but we can try our best to educate them which I thought I had. Had this happened to someone else, I would never stick the boot in like you have out loud but I may have silently judged a bit. Now I know that however much you try to educate your kids, however much you think you can trust them they can still act out of character and do things that shock and dismay you. You may find this out yourself one day.

As I’ve said, serious changes will be made.

I’m so sorry for you and your DS, OP. A boy at DS’s school killed himself over a very similar situation recently (scammers also based abroad) so I’m so glad yours spoke to you about it. its so important at to speak to our DC about these situations because they are teens and even without social media they will still make mistakes and end up in crazy/silly/dangerous/scary situations (I know I did back in the 90s!). It’s so important that they can reach out to parents for help no matter what the issue is.

I also like what a PP said that if the photos do get leaked you can say they are AI generated.

Can you read?

Contact https://www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/

immediatly they are amazing