Teen son been a victim of a scam

[worriedmum223]

NC for this. Over the weekend my ds14 has been the victim of a sextortion scam. He was contacted on Tik Tok by someone posing as a girl who coerced him into sending nude photos. As soon as they had them they threatened to leak them to his Tik Tok contacts unless he paid money. My son did not initially tell us, but we had notifications from his bank account of him trying to access money which prompted a discussion and despite initially lying about the reason, he did eventually come clean.

I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked. He was beside himself and in tears. I’ve never seen him so shaken. I have drilled into him from a young age the dangers of social media and how you never speak to strangers and certainly never share personal information or photos. I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today but trying to keep my son out of it for now because he is so mortified and upset.

I am worried on a number of counts.

Firstly if they do actually leak the photos which would be horrific for him. Although I’m led to believe this is rare and they are more likely to just move onto the next victim when they realise it’s a dead end.

Secondly if they try to contact him again now that they have his number and email address (all contact via Tik Tok and WhatsApp has been blocked but they could find other ways). His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

Thirdly whether he could be in trouble himself for sending and asking for explicit photos at his age.

But mostly the emotional impact this could have on him. He was so embarrassed and upset. The fact he didn’t initially feel like he could be honest has upset me. And of course that he did this full stop. I get teenage boys have raging hormones but it’s such a stupid and out of character thing for him to do.

Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers. If anyone else has been through this please let me know your experience and what happened next.

Some teenagers will go out of their way to bypass restrictions. Most won't bother.

I'm so sorry, what a horrible experience for your son 😔 please don't be hard on him or yourself, unfortunately these bastards target teenagers because they are vulnerable and don't have the reasoning/impulse control skills to properly evaluate the situation yet.

You have done all the right things so far - just keep reassuring him that he can come to you with anything and you will help him. The fact that he didn't tell you at first isn't because you're not a good parent - it's just the embarrassment and the shame that held him back. He's probably very relieved now that you know and can deal with the situation. Keep an eye on him and maybe see his GP if you're worried about his mental health, he can be referred for some support.

I hope the police are helpful and will be able to reassure and support your son too 💐

I wouldn't tell your son to default to lying about the images being AI generated. Its distressing for him but always difficult to roll back on a lie if he changes his mind - he then has the element of feeling embarrassed about the scam, and about the lie. Its unlikely he will need to tell anybody anything but turning to dishonesty to alleviate embarrassment that isn't actually going to dissipate for him for some time isn't a good path.

Publish and be damned. And hopefully lesson learned. All the caveats about parenting and Social Media applies. Our or your children are NOT going to be computer billionaires and need to understand people are out there trying to rob you/me of money/data and they are professional at it. Like me trying to get into a locked car and a car thief taking your Range Rover in 15 seconds.

I'd get him a new phone, new email addresses and block the contact from these. And move forward. Harsh lesson learned. It's highly unlikely the person would share the pics.

Poor boy. This happened to the son of a woman I know. She handled it SO brilliantly, I always thought I'd pass on her attitude to anyone in a similar situation. She told him: they are bad people, you are not. Everyone has a body and everyone has a naked one. It's no shock to me that you have a body so if they threaten to send photos of you to your family, remember, none of us think it's a big deal that you have a body or that you, like almost everyone else on the planet, can get turned on. Totally normal. No big deal. Nothing we would want to look at or think is weird. What IS a big deal is blackmailing someone, so let them know they will get nothing from you except a crime report number which will be pursued if they send a single image anywhere.

I hope that something similar would help you and your son too.

This may have already been mentioned upthread but just in case – Childline run a 'Report Remove' service by which young people under 18 can confidentially report sexual images/videos of themselves that have been posted to the internet and get them deleted. Details here.

www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/report-remove/

Not the same if the parents actually endorse it

@worriedmum223 sorry if I'm doubling up on anything that has already been shared but wanted to pop this over.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/online-reporting/report-remove/?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22751322475&gbraid=0AAAAAD1QhMovhrv9Qfa85I8ppacg9ib4c&gclid=Cj0KCQiAvOjKBhC9ARIsAFvz5ljfXx8wLBEYxlVnNLivRYdKTxdnJz9iz1_qANOJutFvpOug7Q1lgtcaAtLxEALw_wcB

I work in young people's exploitation prevention. In terms of the images shared please contact report remove who will assist in the images not being shared further, you will need to upload the original images to the team.

Please also reach out to your local authority to see if they have a specialist young people's exploitation team, who could offer support/a key worker and signposting for support for your son (and you!) for the emotional impact of what has happened.

I came here to say this too. OP can reassure her son that if the picture is released, he can plausibly deny it being real. All he has to do is lie convincingly for a short time until people get bored.

But seriously, delete tiktok, it's addictive poison and totally unsuited to a 14yo.

I’d also contact his school and let themknow what’s happened, speak to the DSL.

They’ll be able to support if anything comes of it, and will be able to respond faster if they’re aware it’s a possibility.

Can you? Read the full thread .

I have done. I’ve also read numerous articles explaining how teens are already easily finding ways around the ban. Anyone who thinks that an outright ban will mean that no under 16s will be accessing social media is being extremely naive.

Oh ok. Well let’s not worry about it then. Let’s continue with the status quo and have more teens killing themselves and bury our head in the sand, safe in the knowledge that “teens will always find a way around a ban”

Could compare this to bans on teenagers smoking, vaping or drinking … yes lots get around it but does that mean we shouldn’t ban them….

Ofc they can go around it but it’s very different story when parents actually allow it

they normalise a dangerous situation how can this be the same ?

It IS virtually impossible to keep young people off social media. Their friends will have phones/tablets. And they all share skills on how to swerve firewalls and thwart other blocks/filters. The lid of this particular Pandora's box has been broken off and thrown far away.

OP - thanks very, very much for making this post. It's extreme helpful to see (most of) the advice being given. And reassuring to know this has happened to other DC and all has been fine in the end.

He told you about this, that is a clear sign of excellent parenting. Please ignore any and all virtue-signallers.

I really don’t think they will send the images on. Your son will sadly be one of thousands across the world being scammed like this. They just want the money. They will move on to the next victim. He can also go with the AI fake thing in the highly unlikely event they are seen.
As parents we all make mistakes. You sound like you have handled it well and the fact your son told you shows you have a good relationship with him. Please do not be too hard on yourself or him. He’s learnt his lesson and no doubt feels dreadful.

This.

WHY do so many parents insist on burying their heads in the sand??? Are we too busy trying to cope with insane lives? Too stressed to take on the challenge of saying no to our kids/ push against the tide? Too sucked into social media ourselves to admit it’s bad?

I’m genuinely curious - can we drop the defensiveness and actually reflect on our part in this?

SOME teens have found a way around the ban. Not ALL teens.

If a social media ban for under 16s means stopping MAJORITY of teens from being harmed, Im all for it. So should you.

Your son is not an adult and has done nothing to be embarrassed about but I can imagine how worried you all are. I assume it is against the law to share intimate photos without permission.

As others have said children and adults have committed suicide over these scams so it's very important to keep an eye on your son at all times over the next while.

I am told that your DS generation do all their dating online these days so your poor son was unlucky to encounter predators.

As well as talking to the young about social media we probably have to rethink how we talk to them about sex and how to navigate sexual relationships in this era of online intimacy.

Your poor boy, this is a sexual assault and you need to handle it as such with him

Banning it might make us feel better and more content as parents, but the fact that many teens still vape/smoke/drink proves the point. It doesn’t remove the problem. As parents, we need to teach our kids about the dangers of these things and hope that they listen to at least some of the advice (the OP’s post unfortunately shows that we can do our best but all teens do inadvisable things sometimes).

@WizardOfAus

Oh ok. Well let's not worry about it then. Let's continue with the status quo and have more teens killing themselves and bury our head in the sand,

I’m not saying that. In fact I’m saying the opposite. A ban is more likely to give parents a false sense of security, thinking their children aren’t on these platforms. As a society, we somehow need to improve education on these things. I don’t know the answer, but I don’t really understand the mindset of parents demanding a ban. If they already know the serious dangers and don’t want their children on these platforms, why are they letting them on them? There are plenty of teens not on the likes of Tik Tok and Snapchat even though they’re not currently legally banned.

He’s too young for online dating

at 14 he’s too young for these platforms, he’s exposing himself to anyone’s perverted mind and his parents (like the rest of us) cannot protect him