Teen son been a victim of a scam

[worriedmum223]

NC for this. Over the weekend my ds14 has been the victim of a sextortion scam. He was contacted on Tik Tok by someone posing as a girl who coerced him into sending nude photos. As soon as they had them they threatened to leak them to his Tik Tok contacts unless he paid money. My son did not initially tell us, but we had notifications from his bank account of him trying to access money which prompted a discussion and despite initially lying about the reason, he did eventually come clean.

I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked. He was beside himself and in tears. I’ve never seen him so shaken. I have drilled into him from a young age the dangers of social media and how you never speak to strangers and certainly never share personal information or photos. I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today but trying to keep my son out of it for now because he is so mortified and upset.

I am worried on a number of counts.

Firstly if they do actually leak the photos which would be horrific for him. Although I’m led to believe this is rare and they are more likely to just move onto the next victim when they realise it’s a dead end.

Secondly if they try to contact him again now that they have his number and email address (all contact via Tik Tok and WhatsApp has been blocked but they could find other ways). His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

Thirdly whether he could be in trouble himself for sending and asking for explicit photos at his age.

But mostly the emotional impact this could have on him. He was so embarrassed and upset. The fact he didn’t initially feel like he could be honest has upset me. And of course that he did this full stop. I get teenage boys have raging hormones but it’s such a stupid and out of character thing for him to do.

Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers. If anyone else has been through this please let me know your experience and what happened next.

Your poor son. He’s not going to get into any trouble over this. Please reassure him. I would treat him with love and gentle care over this and not be too heavy on him. He will have learnt his lesson in an incredibly hard way and his well-being is the most important thing now. I agree they won’t release the photos. Make sure he is well supported. Much love to him. I know at 14 it feels like it is but it’s really not.

As others have said, you need to start warming him to the idea that it’s not the end of the world if these pictures do get shared. So what, everyone has a naked body, the vast majority of people have pleasured that naked body. The only person in the wrong is the person sharing the photos. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about in the photos, the embarrassing part is trusting the wrong person.

And that’s probably why he lied to you too. He doesn’t want his mum to know of his sexual exploits, but even more so when he’s done something you explicitly told him not to - he’s ashamed he broke your trust and that’s why he didn’t want to tell you.

Honestly I'd be furious with him but this isn't the time for I told you so. Continue to support him as it seems you are already doing, a horrible lesson was learned.

Poor kid. Boys at this age are incredibly vulnerable, I think society often lacks empathy for them. They are just big overgrown silly kids with adult hormones and it's a difficult time. I really hope he bounces back from this, I'm sure he will with your support.

What an awful situation for you and your DS, and a hard way to learn an important lesson. On the off chance his photos do appear online the Internet Watch Foundation can track and remove them. They refer to images of sexual abuse, which includes intimate images of children. While your DS shared the images, he was effectively groomed into doing so, so do recognise he’s been abused and offer him support. Of course he needs to understand the part he played but he is also a victim.

Internet Watch Foundation

I volunteer for Childline.
On their website they have a section called Report Remove to remove images from the Web.
Here is the link
https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/report-remove/?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20597026949&gclid=Cj0KCQiAvOjKBhC9ARIsAFvz5li6DD2-i2dZ-7kgJYatoGaUGsSC23talpShrnRQIY0hqnMcoem7NRgaAnK-EALw_wcB

I think a good thing is not to ever use your actual email for social media, then if you need to burn it to the ground you don't lose your email address. I have at least 5 google accounts only one of which is my main one. They all have different email addresses none of which reflect my actual name.

Praise him for coming to you, tell him you will always have his back no matter how badly he fucks up. 50% of the population has a penis and photos of his won't be anything unlike the millions of other penis images out there. He is understandably scared and the likelihood is they won't release the photos.

Due to his age anyone having the photos is breaking the law so remind him of that. That would mean anyone commenting they had seen the photo could be told by your son they will be contacting the police, it will soon shut them up.

He is a victim of grooming. Even as adults we fuck up, children need to know they can turn to you for help.

Contact CEOP. He is the victim and underage, he will not be in trouble. They can deal with international cases.
Reporting to CEOP https://share.google/oqUU3k2I7iGowgqaX

He has made a mistake, he is not the first and he wont be the last young lad to be caught out by these evil scumbags. You are doing the right thing by contacting the police, try and sit tight until your meeting with them. Keep reassuring him that everything will be ok, in a few weeks it will be in the past and will be a valuable lesson to learn from. The police will give advice and help you navigate this.

This. A couple of parents are suing Meta over their teenage boys killing themselves. Your son is in no trouble. Really hope you’re all ok but do go to the police.

Generally photos don't get leaked -- too much effort for no reward for the scammers. Best advice is to block as much as you can, and move on. And don't engage with them at all.

How awful for your son and you. I wouldn’t expect him to be any trouble, he is just a child. It’s a horrible thing but he will need to put it down to experience and learn from it. I also don’t think the photos will come to light but I suppose it is something you need to be prepared for. I think the police will advise on the practicality’s but I would delete everything in terms of email addresses and social media accounts and a new phone number.

I hope the police are helpful. I’ve been in tears reading the reports of teenage boys killings themselves within hours of getting the blackmail messages. It is heartbreaking. Glad your son came to you and is now safe.

One thing I would do is make sure your son knows that while it is serious it is not the end of the world and he will be able to put it behind him.

Hi OP you can look up the Internet Watch Foundation - they are trhe UK body who have the ability to remove illegal CSA images from the internet, they can track the images and remove them from circulation.

Also let the police know.

Teenage boys really need to be told very plainly that anyone requesting nudes online will always be a scammer or a man. Dick pics are not the way to a young girl's heart.

Good luck OP. I hope you get it sorted and I'm very glad he told you about it.

Same thing happened here and the girl DS had been chatting to for weeks turned out to be a Nigerian gang. He paid them, then realised they wouldn’t stop and came and got me out of bed at 2 am for help. We went through everything together, deleted the app the threats were made on and blocked the bastards. I went to the police who told me there was nothing we could do as they were Nigerian. They also told me that if we made a formal complaint then the photos of DS would be included as evidence in a file that would stay associated with him for ever and asked did we want this. As we live in a small country with a de facto digital ID, as the police couldn’t do anything, and as we didn’t want explicit pictures of DS on file, we did not make a formal complaint.

Unfortunately this is a growing trend which is particularly affecting boys. I have attended training (pshe lead in achool) and the police are seeing it more and more. Try not to worry. The police will support with moving forwards.

Well done in finding out and dealing with it, boys have been suicidal because of these animals. I'm sure he won't be in any trouble with the police, these scammy people are very persuasive adults who exploit naive children, your DS has done mothing wrong apart from being too trusting and innocent. A hard lesson learned.

Oh gosh, how awful for you all. This is my worst nightmare after reading a similar story where the teen ended up taking his own life.

Dont be too hard on your DS. These people prey on shame. Shame makes most people do things we wouldn’t normally do so it’s unsurprising he didn’t come straight to you. He had one momentary lapse in judgement in sending those photos but other than that, he has come out of it relatively unscathed and has had an incredible learning experience.

I doubt anything will come of the photos. They know they are dealing with a teenager that doesn’t have unlimited funds. As soon as they realise this well has run dry they’ll be onto the next. There is no value to them sharing the photos and they only care about money.

Change his phone number and delete all SM accounts and set up new ones with different usernames.

Same happened to my dd, police were not particularly helpful, took us to an interview room and told her she could be given a criminal record for sharing the images, something she still worries about 3 years later. The scammer had an address in London, details were apparently passed on to the relevant force and that was the end of it as far as they were concerned.

Your poor son, please be kind to him.

As upsetting as this is, it could be a very valuable life lesson, not to always take things on face value.

Poor kid. I would expect the police to be very understanding about it. They are trained to deal with this stuff and he is a victim.

I understand your instinct to protect him from talking about it but actually I think getting it out in the open air (within reason obvs) is part of a sensible response. Yes it is embarrassing but embarrassment can be overcome and put behind you. Shame feeds in the dark and being very matter of fact about what has happened is like sunlight on it.

Yes. His age doesn't mean he is immune to the charge of distribution of child porn, even though it is of himself.

Had cases of this at my school with students I teach.

He probably won't be charged. BUT it is possible.

Did you read the post?!

Edited - please ignore, as I can see you’ve already said you responded before your morning coffeee 😂

Same thing happened with my DS, he woke me up asking for money and then blurted out what had happened. You can tell kids until you are blue in the face not to do something but they will. Full kudos to your son for telling you.

in DS’s case, we reported to the police and blocked his WhatsApp account as that was how he was being contacted, no pictures were ever published and we had a throw off, self deprecating comment lined up if it was. DS did unblock WhatsApp after a year and contact was made again, immediately reblocked but have had nothing since.