To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

I think he's just greedy and wanted your curry.

Thank you

Not sure I really get the point you’re trying to make here?

It makes sense to me that one person takes charge of insurance - renewal dates, log in info, previous quotes/ premiums/ no claims etc. It’s a one person job that happens to be my husbands. I take care of the mortgage admin - does that make you feel better? Some serious derailment going on here today 😂

What is it with the Barbara Cartland Language Police today?

If swear words offend your fragrant self you’re probs best staying off MN.

I didn’t. Keeping on top of clothes washing and bathrooms for a busy family with young children aren’t occasional jobs. Cooking is an every day job but not something I consider a
’drudge’ job either as I enjoy cooking. I also didn’t list the many other jobs he and I do (I mentioned it wasn’t a comprehensive list as to be honest, it’s really not relevant to a post about a bloody curry). But, for whatever reason, you’re determined to stick to your narrative and see something that is not in the room with us (let alone the marriage) and that’s your prerogative.

I don't get the whole 'leftovers are fair game' thing. No, they aren't, not if that's your house rule. In my house, your food is your own, whether you eat it immediately or three days later. If someone thinks you aren't interested and wants it, they can ask, but you're free to refuse.

This friend is a jerk! Living on your hospitality, then making insulting comments about you over leftovers?! He wouldn't be welcome back at my house any time soon.

What a CF. Don't invite him again.

Of course it is your curry, he had his curry. Why do some men feel so entitled to more than their fair share of food?

Totally this!

OP you were completely reasonable. And guest was v rude! How rude to say “Lola doesn’t share food” when you’ve been sharing food with them for days and days! Completely understand the “polishing off all the previous days leftovers meal” hodgepodge of things on the table, very sensible especially as you’d all been to a pub lunch. And yes you’d all had your separate curries the day before, you’d not eaten all of yours - it’s not automatically fair game! (I think some people do treat all takeaway leftovers like communal property so if he was brought up like that I can see it as an honest mistake, but it’s hardly universal. And after you’d gently pushed back he was v rude to insist!).

At the end of the day, it is not about a curry but a guest being rude to a host.

But then she'd be sitting with his friends and possibly minding the children while he does a job she'd rather be doing. Personally I love the break from everyone, while cleaning up. My ear pods go in and I can listen to the music I want to. Or sometimes I play old episodes of 'come fly with me' etc.
OP, no you didn't have to share, because it wasn't left over, it was your food that you didn't eat. I'd think of it like a open can of coke that you'd drank out of.

That one sounds awful. Is there any chance you could boycott him in future coz he sounds like potential trouble. After taking your hospitality, he basically then humiliated you in your own home. Or do these friends come as a package. Tbh, if, after you catered for 5 days, they didnt even shout you a curry. I' d be looking to change my friends.

Guest was really rude. And I'd be annoyed that my DH didn't say anything to defend me. He should have said "you've got food, friend, that is Lola's from last night".

What you did sounds perfectly normal to me if you have lots of leftovers to dish out. The curry was a leftover, but it was yours, and you wanted it. I can't see why that would be a problem at all except for greedy "friend".

Exactly this

I wouldn't be sharing either. It always tastes better the next day.

I'm sure I've seen a more recent thread on MN about no snaffling someone else's leftover curry, but this one will do www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2988127-He-ate-my-left-overs-I-thought-I-knew-him-well

I think they’ve outstayed their welcome.

If our family order a take-away the dishes chosen are shared by all, not exclusively for the person who chose them. Everything is set out on the table with serving spoons and everyone takes as they wish. So the left-over curry is fair game if that is how the meal was ordered.
If not ordered like that, and since everyone had their 'own' curry then presumably not then it was your curry. He's a CF.
In slight exoneration of bad manners you said you were putting out what I call 'picky tea' so everything out is on the menu. Ungrateful and greedy guest thus maybe thought your curry was part of the meal?
It was your curry.
I like to share all the dishes in a take-away, and not order individual rice (too much) but that's me. (It also means, of course, that every dish must accommodate dietary differences. When my late DH was alive no-one ever chose e.g korma, or any creamiy dishes as he was lactose intolerant.)

And this is why you're not unreasonable at all. I'd be really annoyed in your place.

YANBU op. He was being cheeky and his comment about you not liking sharing - when you've been feeding him for severa days - was way out of line. Ignore the stupid shit-stirring "martyr" comments. I like being a generous host too but if guests don't appreciate that and decide it means they can help themselves to whatever then that's not on. As a guest I always try to make sure I don't overstep any boundaries. Your guests are adults, and most functional adults understand that generosity and good hosting isn't carte blanche to behave like a selfish toddler (even if some mumsnetters apparently don't).

I didn’t read the whole thread as it seems to have gone completely off-topic.
i will just answer the original query. No, you were not unreasonable. It was your leftovers. I would have said something like “Help yourself to the food, I’m just going to reheat the rest of my curry from yesterday rather than waste it”. To the rude greedy guy, I would have told him that it’s my leftover curry, not his, he ate his yesterday. If he persisted I would have said (sweetly), “What’s the matter? Do you think I haven’t provided you with enough food during your stay with us?”

Would be last time i hosted them

To be honest I think you all sound awkward.

Firstly, regardless of whether you agree or not, your curry was “desirable”. If it’s a choice between your leftovers from home cooked meals from 2+ days ago, or curry takeaway from last night, most people would think the curry is more desirable because it’s fresher, and not homemade. Regardless of whether you agree, your guests clearly saw it as desirable given the exchange.

So knowing that, it was awkward for you to have sat there eating that curry in front of them without giving them any. I’m not saying you needed to equally distribute it, just that you didn’t need to overtly consume it in front of them and overtly refuse to give them any. That was what made it awkward.

Yes. I get that you didn’t want the curry to fester for any longer, but I think sometimes when you’re hosting, you write things off. For me, I’d have eaten it another time. Or, given the low amount of curry left, just plated it in the middle of the table for people to help themselves. Ie I would have let go of the mindset that it is “my” curry. It’s 1/2 a curry from your local takeaway that you can order from whenever? Your guests who are essentially tourists, aren’t going to be able to tap into that same takeaway as often as you are, because they don’t live there.

It wasn't on offer because she was preparing it for herself. There are no rules that say guests get to help themselves to whatever they want. If I invite guests over for a meal then they can eat what I put out for them - if they start going through my cupboards and helping themselves to stuff I am saving for another time, then that's just rude and entitled.

IMO, I think it was probably meant light-heartedly. They all would have known well all the catering you have done for them. You did the right thing to sit down and enjoy the rest of your takeaway. You could tell them it's all yours and no one's getting any of it. You did actually laugh it off at the time though so It's all good. Everything is fine 😌and it sounds like you all had a lovely Christmas and New year. I would take a break for yourself now after all the catering. Well deserved by the sound of it!