Page 10 | To think it was my curry?!

Lolabear38 · 2026-01-04T06:12:12+00:00

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose. Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge. Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’ Who is BU? YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird. YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you. We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

Talipesmum · 04/01/2026 13:22

Grammarnut · 04/01/2026 13:12

If our family order a take-away the dishes chosen are shared by all, not exclusively for the person who chose them. Everything is set out on the table with serving spoons and everyone takes as they wish. So the left-over curry is fair game if that is how the meal was ordered.
If not ordered like that, and since everyone had their 'own' curry then presumably not then it was your curry. He's a CF.
In slight exoneration of bad manners you said you were putting out what I call 'picky tea' so everything out is on the menu. Ungrateful and greedy guest thus maybe thought your curry was part of the meal?
It was your curry.
I like to share all the dishes in a take-away, and not order individual rice (too much) but that's me. (It also means, of course, that every dish must accommodate dietary differences. When my late DH was alive no-one ever chose e.g korma, or any creamiy dishes as he was lactose intolerant.)

Edited

But the OP said that’s specifically not how they ordered the takeaway - she said they’d all ordered and eaten their own dishes, not a communal feast style.

And she served everyone else first at the “picky tea” and they were already all served up and eating when she sorted her curry out for herself. It’s not terribly rude for the guest to say he’d like some when he spotted it, as like you say everything else had been put out to share. But when OP said “'this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought l'd finish it tonight.” - that was pretty clear and he was definitely rude to say “but we can all share it can’t we?” in response. And then to raise his eyebrows at her and rebuke her for it after when he’s been eating food she’s cooked for FIVE DAYS?

(edited to add - your comment changed between my reply and posting it, your edited version is more fair)

Kindling1970 · 04/01/2026 13:24

firstofallimadelight · 04/01/2026 07:11

I’d have said “hmmm you have a massive plateful of MY food so I guess I do share” then stared him out

Love this.

diddl · 04/01/2026 13:26

Even if it was someone else's half a curry I think that you would have been entitled to it for the hosting that you have done Op.

Happyjoe · 04/01/2026 13:27

I think I would've told him to shut up tbh. Your curry.. your leftovers. Not to mention, you're house and your rules!
I hope you eat them out of house and home and not lift a finger when you go to stay.

IridiumSky · 04/01/2026 13:29

Madam, this is Mumsnet.

LTB!

user1476613140 · 04/01/2026 13:32

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:15

He does, yes. He lives here so of course he knows.

As i mentioned in a pp, after the meal he and his friends left the kitchen where I stayed and cleared up - my preference as it means I can quickly get on with it myself, doing it the way i want to, without either an audience or any ‘helpers’ to direct. There’s nothing to read into here - I’m perfectly happy with this arrangement and in many other aspects of our lives there are things that he takes responsibility for while I go off and do something different, too.

(Sorry if this comes across as defensive - I’m just pre-empting any posters who may be outraged at my husband going off with his friends while I stay in the kitchen clearing away. It’s fine).

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Don't feel defensive as I am like this in the kitchen too. Even at busy times of the year like Christmas. It slows me down having to explain "put x in y cupboard ". I like the solitude after a hectic meal and also clean it my way.

However, I make sure all family members pull their weight in other ways to compensate!

Dietday · 04/01/2026 13:32

I do all the insurances here and utility switches, and an hour a year covers it.
Its a job, but not one that in a million years is in any way comparable to cooking and cleaning up after every meal.
I wish!

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/01/2026 13:33

Shorten · 04/01/2026 13:18

To be honest I think you all sound awkward.

Firstly, regardless of whether you agree or not, your curry was “desirable”. If it’s a choice between your leftovers from home cooked meals from 2+ days ago, or curry takeaway from last night, most people would think the curry is more desirable because it’s fresher, and not homemade. Regardless of whether you agree, your guests clearly saw it as desirable given the exchange.

So knowing that, it was awkward for you to have sat there eating that curry in front of them without giving them any. I’m not saying you needed to equally distribute it, just that you didn’t need to overtly consume it in front of them and overtly refuse to give them any. That was what made it awkward.

Yes. I get that you didn’t want the curry to fester for any longer, but I think sometimes when you’re hosting, you write things off. For me, I’d have eaten it another time. Or, given the low amount of curry left, just plated it in the middle of the table for people to help themselves. Ie I would have let go of the mindset that it is “my” curry. It’s 1/2 a curry from your local takeaway that you can order from whenever? Your guests who are essentially tourists, aren’t going to be able to tap into that same takeaway as often as you are, because they don’t live there.

What made it awkward was the greedy guest demanding OP's curry when he had his whole entire curry to himself the day before. It was simply OP finishing off her curry.

OP did the right thing staying firm.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/01/2026 13:33

FruitFlyPie · 04/01/2026 12:03

Sorry OP, you sound like a lovely generous host but I think it sounds a bit awkward to serve guests one meal and plate yourself up another. It reminds me of when I cook something healthy for my kids, then I can't be bothered to eat it so I eat something tasty like cheese and crackers. Except my kids are under 5 so they don't notice.

I think it’s fine, she didn’t make or order it separately for herself and give them something worse, it was the leftover of her dish from the night before where she also bought them each a curry of their choice.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/01/2026 13:36

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/01/2026 13:33

I think it’s fine, she didn’t make or order it separately for herself and give them something worse, it was the leftover of her dish from the night before where she also bought them each a curry of their choice.

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and they didn't share.

OP doesn't have to share just because it is the next day.

PullTheBricksDown · 04/01/2026 13:38

'I'll have some of that' is flat out rude. You don't simply state you'll have something as a guest in someone's house. You ask. So for all the posts saying 'it was fine for him to ask' (no, because he didn't ask) or 'it was probably meant light-heartedly' (no, it was rude and entitled) don't excuse some rude man's lack of manners. Good for you OP for not giving in.

Now, please when you go to theirs, don't offer to help in the kitchen, don't offer to contribute to cooking costs. Sit back and wait. I suspect all the evening catering will be takeaways and meals out and costs shared. Hard to do that with breakfast though so do resist the impulse to pitch in. This is their turn to host you. If anything gets said (he sounds like the type) just say in a puzzled manner 'really? I thought you'd be hosting like we did, so it would be our turn to be cooked for and waited on'. Make them explain why it's somehow different.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/01/2026 13:39

Shorten · 04/01/2026 13:18

To be honest I think you all sound awkward.

Firstly, regardless of whether you agree or not, your curry was “desirable”. If it’s a choice between your leftovers from home cooked meals from 2+ days ago, or curry takeaway from last night, most people would think the curry is more desirable because it’s fresher, and not homemade. Regardless of whether you agree, your guests clearly saw it as desirable given the exchange.

So knowing that, it was awkward for you to have sat there eating that curry in front of them without giving them any. I’m not saying you needed to equally distribute it, just that you didn’t need to overtly consume it in front of them and overtly refuse to give them any. That was what made it awkward.

Yes. I get that you didn’t want the curry to fester for any longer, but I think sometimes when you’re hosting, you write things off. For me, I’d have eaten it another time. Or, given the low amount of curry left, just plated it in the middle of the table for people to help themselves. Ie I would have let go of the mindset that it is “my” curry. It’s 1/2 a curry from your local takeaway that you can order from whenever? Your guests who are essentially tourists, aren’t going to be able to tap into that same takeaway as often as you are, because they don’t live there.

But when was she supposed to eat it, presumably they were there the whole time and then it would go off after. If a guest was there for a few hours then it would be rude to eat it when they were there but when it’s a 5 day plus visit things go a bit differently.

zanahoria · 04/01/2026 13:42

You can take my curry from my cold dead hands

PullTheBricksDown · 04/01/2026 13:43

Shorten · 04/01/2026 13:18

To be honest I think you all sound awkward.

Firstly, regardless of whether you agree or not, your curry was “desirable”. If it’s a choice between your leftovers from home cooked meals from 2+ days ago, or curry takeaway from last night, most people would think the curry is more desirable because it’s fresher, and not homemade. Regardless of whether you agree, your guests clearly saw it as desirable given the exchange.

So knowing that, it was awkward for you to have sat there eating that curry in front of them without giving them any. I’m not saying you needed to equally distribute it, just that you didn’t need to overtly consume it in front of them and overtly refuse to give them any. That was what made it awkward.

Yes. I get that you didn’t want the curry to fester for any longer, but I think sometimes when you’re hosting, you write things off. For me, I’d have eaten it another time. Or, given the low amount of curry left, just plated it in the middle of the table for people to help themselves. Ie I would have let go of the mindset that it is “my” curry. It’s 1/2 a curry from your local takeaway that you can order from whenever? Your guests who are essentially tourists, aren’t going to be able to tap into that same takeaway as often as you are, because they don’t live there.

It was probably something like a tikka masala that you can get from every curry place up body down the country! The excuses made for this guy are priceless.
I doubt it was a jam dani hash order (IYKYK) that only that one takeaway serves, and if it was, well, they'll have to move, won't they 😉

Shorten · 04/01/2026 13:43

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/01/2026 13:33

What made it awkward was the greedy guest demanding OP's curry when he had his whole entire curry to himself the day before. It was simply OP finishing off her curry.

OP did the right thing staying firm.

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Again, it’s half a leftover curry from OP’s local - that OP can order from whenever they want.

The guests can’t do that because they don’t live there!

in terms of replication, OP can order that curry whenever and replace it - the guests can’t. Plus it’s literally half of a leftover curry, I wouldn’t get myself into an entrenched position over that.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/01/2026 13:46

Shorten · 04/01/2026 13:43

Again, it’s half a leftover curry from OP’s local - that OP can order from whenever they want.

The guests can’t do that because they don’t live there!

in terms of replication, OP can order that curry whenever and replace it - the guests can’t. Plus it’s literally half of a leftover curry, I wouldn’t get myself into an entrenched position over that.

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Well I imagine they can order something very similar from a curry place near their own house and at their own expense then. Would your same argument stand if it was the night before and they saw the op’s curry and fancied having some on top of their own.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/01/2026 13:51

Shorten · 04/01/2026 13:43

Again, it’s half a leftover curry from OP’s local - that OP can order from whenever they want.

The guests can’t do that because they don’t live there!

in terms of replication, OP can order that curry whenever and replace it - the guests can’t. Plus it’s literally half of a leftover curry, I wouldn’t get myself into an entrenched position over that.

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So? The guest got to have a whole curry the day before. It isn't like OP ordered a curry for herself and left her guests with no curry at all.

The greedy guest isn't entitled to OP's curry just because he doesn't live there.

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2026 13:53

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:24

Ok thanks everyone! I’m overthinking it I think, i was having a sudden panic that I’d behaved really strangely.

They’re DH old university friends. We’ve been living overseas for a long time so this is the first time they’ve been to stay with us in our new home and so there isn’t really a precedent set for how the cooking/ food situation goes. I suppose it was in the back of my mind they might offer to pay for the takeaway, which I would have declined but appreciated the offer. As it was, they didn’t even offer 😂 They’ve already mentioned us going to stay with them in a few months so perhaps they’ll provide all the food and drinks in return then?!

Doesn't need to be a precedent

It's just good manners

And I wouldn't be too sure you won't have to pay your way if you stay with them

Satisfiedwithanapple · 04/01/2026 13:59

dynamiccactus · 04/01/2026 13:00

Guest was really rude. And I'd be annoyed that my DH didn't say anything to defend me. He should have said "you've got food, friend, that is Lola's from last night".

He should have said Lola has been sharing our food for the last 5 days.

I don’t know why you even need to ask op. Entitled, rude man no more or less.

Lmnop22 · 04/01/2026 14:10

I probably wouldn’t have made something different for myself than everyone else and heated it up and eaten it separately. It’s definitely your curry but I think an odd time to eat it if I’m being honest!

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 14:10

Dietday · 04/01/2026 13:32

I do all the insurances here and utility switches, and an hour a year covers it.
Its a job, but not one that in a million years is in any way comparable to cooking and cleaning up after every meal.
I wish!

No it absolutely isn’t in any way comparable to cooking and cleaning up after every meal. I haven’t said or even implied that it is.

OP posts:

BunnyLake · 04/01/2026 14:10

Goldengirl123 · 04/01/2026 12:37

Lovely language

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MN posters love the word cunt, except if it’s aimed at them 😏 Never in real life have I heard it uttered as much as I have on here 😁

cheeseonsofa · 04/01/2026 14:12

zanahoria · 04/01/2026 13:42

You can take my curry from my cold dead hands

Quite

I actually hide mine in the freezer so that DH cant snaffle it
@Lolabear38
I would have just replied "No not sharing this "
CF !

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 14:14

Lmnop22 · 04/01/2026 14:10

I probably wouldn’t have made something different for myself than everyone else and heated it up and eaten it separately. It’s definitely your curry but I think an odd time to eat it if I’m being honest!

You’re right, mealtime was indeed a very odd time to choose to eat a meal.

OP posts:

Delphiniumandlupins · 04/01/2026 14:19

If you had shared your curries the day before I might have shared the leftovers. Did nobody even taste anyone else's? Actually, we were visiting family last week. Had takeaway curry one night, only one person left any (although some sharing/tasting happened) and we all accepted the leftovers were their lunch the next day. Also, I ask the person who ordered a curry if I would like to taste it.