To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

The point isn't that you cooked and cleaned it's that you were the only one who cooked and cleaned. Your DH, nor his guests did anything except allow you to wait on them for the entire duration of their stay.

As I said above I very much doubt if you ever stay at theres this will be reciprocated.

The 'friend' expecting some of your curry is just another example of how much they took the piss during your stay.

I mean he’s a hindrance as in he can’t cook - one particularly memorable meal included him making me salmon with a ‘herb crust’ - it was a frozen salmon fillet that he’d literally poured about an inch of Italian seasoning over and cooked it from frozen. He served it to me cremated on the outside and still frozen/ raw on the inside with blackened dried herbs over the top. There have been countless other times he’s made inedible food to the point that I’d rather he doesn’t even try and cook. I’m a reasonable cook so I do all the cooking in our house, he has many strengths elsewhere in our house/ marriage and so he takes care of other aspects. I’m not complaining, it’s how we have chosen to balance tasks and responsibilities in our marriage and I’m ok with it.

And the answer is YANBU

But not even because you’ve hosted them.
But because they basically all helped themselves first. Had first d’ânon the leftovers and STILL wanted some of your choice/curry.
It could have been anything else in the leftovers. You didn’t have to share it with them when their plate was already full. Theyd have balked if you had asked them to share whatvwas in their plate right? Like ‘ofc let’s share. Here is some if my curry from my plate. I’ll take some of the beef from your plate’
No one would think it’s ok for you to help yourself from their plate. It’s also not ok for them to help themselves from yours either.

As a guest I would never have said that to the host in the first place.

An actual martyr in the wild!

Where did I say I didn’t like them?!

Also I didn’t mention anything about what the other food I did serve them was, so why comment that I saved the ‘nicest’ food for myself?!

What a greedy fuck.
If have blown my flipping gasket. Sad to say that the curry would've ended up on his head. 🤣

I'd have lost my appetite!

I think, as you were hosting, OP, you could have cooked yourself an entirely separate meal and eaten it yourself. It was your prerogative, as host.

That’s a totally normal thing to do in a marriage ((even though I’d argue he needs to learn to feed himself -what if you’re away in your own, you’re ill or, in old age, you die before him)

Its very different when it comes to hosting HIS friends bed they take you for granted. You’re allowed to step back and refuse to host them again. In which case,it would leave your dh doing the cooking. And it’s ok, even if he is a crap cook.

This.

Bunch of absolute Cheeky Fuckers. I’d have actually gone apeshit at that comment bc I’d be so livid at their entitlement at that point.

They’ve let you do all purchasing/preparing/clearing up of food plus hostessing for 5 days and haven’t even offered to treat you to a takeaway or meal?

I’d have gone full Travis Bickle 😂

I would have no problem with that either, sometimes it is easier just to do stuff myself than split up tasks

But there is no way I would be taking criticism if I had done all that

Nobody should moan out loud about food they are given in someone else's house

I get what you’re saying, but the curry didn’t go with what they were eating at all so would have been very out of place on their plates. Not to mention they would have had a bout a spoonful each if it was all shared out.

It was a case of either I eat it myself, or it goes to waste as I wouldn’t have wanted to eat it any later than I did. And as I’d paid for it, I didn’t want to throw it away.

If I had cooked for others for five days I would be dying for a bit of takeaway curry just to have somebody else - even the curry house- feed me for a change.

I disagree.
the OP handled the situation very well. She didn’t make a hige thing out of it but kept her curry and ate.
that was mature, adult, behaviour.

There is a question to ask about the friends and whether or not to have them coming back. Seeing it’s her dh friends, I think it’s on'y fair to leave him handle the situation and step back from it.

Id also say that itd be interesting to see what her dh take is on the situation. Both on the way the friend commented on wanting to help himself from that curry and the fact they never proposed to pay for the take away.
The fact the OP started this thread Wonderimg if a normal, adult, reaction was unreasonable makes me wonder if he just doesn’t see the issue tbh.

Some people just don't like being told 'no'. He was insanely rude, making that comment about you not sharing food after you'd cooked for him and hosted him for 5 days. Like, where did he think all those previous meals had come from?! He is either totally clueless/ignorant (doesn't know what it takes to cook and host because he's never had to do it), thought he was being funny, or is just an outright nasty person.

You’ve misunderstood - the leftovers they ate weren’t Indian takeaway leftovers - as I said previously everyone else ate all their curry on the night. It was entirely different leftovers from other meals I’d made during their stay, as well as other food bits I’d bought but not cooked yet. Think buffet style eating of picky bits I had. We’d had a big pub lunch already earlier in the day so it wasn’t a full sit down meal.

YANBU and I wouldn’t have them back.

Akso it assumes that everyone wants the same thing.For me, a ‘let’s eat up the leftovers’ is more like a buffet where everyone takes what they fancy.
The guy in question had his opportunity to see the curry and say he wanted some. He didn’t.

You are 100% your husband's doormat.

I think he was being rude. But I also wouldn't have heated up the curry just for myself. You're having a sharing type meal, so having you eating a separate thing, not for any dietary reasons, so doing yourself a separate thing seems a bit odd.

What food is put out influences what people want. It's like if you make a veggie lasagne and meat one you make enough of the veggie one so that the meat eaters can have a bit. People go into buffet mode and want all the things. I'd have kept the curry back as a little treat for when they were gone.

So seven people (OP, her DH and five guests all have a portion of half a plate of curry? Teaspoons at the ready eh?

"No she fucking doesn't!"

Easy

I'd have done the same but would've called him a fat bastard first.

What you should have done was scraped it into the bin in front of him and said, 'eat it if you want it cunt'.

It is one thing to quote a badly written sitcom, quite another to be a greedy wanker.

Howling! 😂

Sorry OP, you sound like a lovely generous host but I think it sounds a bit awkward to serve guests one meal and plate yourself up another. It reminds me of when I cook something healthy for my kids, then I can't be bothered to eat it so I eat something tasty like cheese and crackers. Except my kids are under 5 so they don't notice.

Huh? If you’re referring to me, how am I a martyr?

Some of you seem to have taken umbrage with the fact that I’ve cooked and cleaned up the kitchen after our guests. But I don’t mind doing that (particularly cleaning my kitchen, it’s easier to do that myself as I know how I like it done and where everything goes) - and I wasn’t complaining about it either. I mentioned it to add context to the situation. Guests did pay for the pub lunch too, I should add if that changes anything for those of you upset by it?