To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

I didn’t mean to offend you, I just think it’s more normal (to me since you canvassed personal opinions) for the same meal to be offered to all guests and hosts as a group when eating together.

You sound like you went to a lot of effort and were a lovely host but, in response to your question, I think it is a bit strange to serve up one thing for everyone else and then eat something different yourself, especially when it’s not for legitimate dietary reasons and others have shown interest in what you’re eating.

Perosnally, I would have eaten the leftovers and saved the curry for another meal to have to myself

You know perfectly well that’s not what that poster is saying.

It was 100% your curry. No question.

He’s a greedy ingrate. No question.

Still, serving people something (or a range of somethings) and then serving up something else for yourself is a bit odd. Not massively so, and it’s not a big deal. I wouldn’t even go so far as to say YABU. But, I think people would find it unusual.

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

I would have been so tempted to say “I guess Herbert has no manners, hey? After all we have done for you during your stay, you would begrudge me my leftovers from the other night!”

and the correct retort to "Leftovers are all fair game’." should have been "too right mate and you have just lost"

I find it quite interesting that you have clarified that you are in your forties and have been with DH for a long time, your DH met them at University but you still refer to him/them as “DH friend(s)”. You were quite defensive when someone suggested that you didn’t like them, but it seems that you don’t like him/them enough after all these years to describe him as your friend.

This is significant because my take on the whole scenario is that you wouldn’t have felt as annoyed if the exchange had been with someone you actually liked. What’s the curry equivalent of a storm in a teacup- a storm in a balti dish?

For what it’s worth, in your shoes I’d have said very clearly “there are leftovers out for all of you, but I’m going to finish my curry from last night” rather than making my own separate food without explanation. Without the prior warning I don’t think it was unreasonable for the guest to ask for some, though also fair enough for you to refuse. I would have taken the “doesn’t share food” as a jokey Friends reference, nothing more. It’s a trope, it’s also in Gavin and Stacey specifically about curry and it’s meant affectionately.

Where has OP been a martyr?

You've had some strange replies on this thread, OP! 😆

In anyone's book your guest's behaviour was really rude and weird. Wasn't it spoken about the previous night, though, when they all finished theirs and you had some of yours left? "I'm so full, I think I'm going to save the rest of mine for my tea tomorrow night. "

I've learned on Mumsnet that people seem to be either one way or the other and either see takeaways like curries as something to share or not with no inbetween.

We don't share curries or takeaways in general except for large pizzas. If I've ordered a chicken tikka, I don't want a taste of anyone else's korma and they aren't getting any of my tikka either. 😂

I think there are several arguments for the curry being shared or not being shared, but perhaps you would not have been so annoyed if you weren't already resentful at having put some much work and money into entertaining your guests. You might have laughed and said 'My curry, get your hands off' rather than worrying about the rights and wrongs of it.

So I was right that it was not leftover indian side dishes being eaten but leftovers from other meals. So the left over curry would not have gone with the other items plus half a curry between all of them!

I think OP was absolutely right not to share it and can't believe any posters think otherwise

This type of shit is so deflating. As I get older and I experience the same behaviour from people who should definitely know better, i realise that almost everyone around me is disgustingly selfish.

Well done for not pouring it over his head, if I had any balls, that's what I'd do. YANBU

If I was there and OP said she was going to finish off her curry from last night I wouldn’t think that was odd at all. We’re all adults here surely, no one should be whining ‘but that’s not fair’ like a kid.

Me too. If my son asked if he could try it then I’d say yes but other than rice, naan bread etc, the main course belongs to the person who chose it, in our family at least.

And also, other than my sons, I have no desire whatsoever to have somebody else’s leftovers 🤢

Well done for not pouring it over his head, if I had any balls, that's what I'd do.

That's what I would have wanted to do.

But not as much as I would have wanted to eat it in front of him.

I would have shared all the food

but also if I was your guest would have paid for the takeaway for everyone

If the curry wouldn't have gone with the rest of the meal/there would only have been a small amount each I can't see the point in sharing it.

There was nothing to stop anyone ordering themselves food or popping to the shops(?) if they were coveting Op's leftover curry or didn't want the meal she was offering.

After all the food, and hospitality, you’d paid for and shared with them over the past 5 days! I’d have told them what ungrateful bastards they are and told them to get their stuff & get out!

Greedy fucking pig , never host him again

Rude of your guest. When we stay with friends we gratefully eat what is offered and even if my host was eating something completely different, I would never ask for some. If we're being hosted, then we enjoy what we are offered (not what we want to take or claim for ourselves).

Regarding the comments about your DH, we also split tasks based on our own strengths and preferences. It means that it sometimes looks like I'm doing everything (e.g. cooking and clearing up) but in fact what DH and I both know is that I need that time to socially re-charge. Him taking over clearing away and forcing me to be social with our guests is the wrong thing to do. His No1 role is to entertain so I don't have to. We are both winning, even if it looks conventionally uneven.

All food is put in tbe middle of our dining table and you take what you want. Every single meal, from cereal, to full Sunday roasts. So I think you were the rude one. If you wanted to keep that for you, you should have kept it for a more private meal time.

They’d not be staying in my home ever again. Hotel for them next time and we all pay our way at meals. It’s not my job to pay for other people is my motto (except for close friends and family who take turns) but these cheeky fuckers will I’m absolutely sure be asking you to contribute when you stay with them. I’d not be going as I can’t stand rude and selfish people.

He had a plateful of food and wanted the curry even though he knew OP hadn’t finished it the night before, when everyone else had theirs. Get real.

That clearly isn't how it works at OP's house though. Everyone had a curry to themselves, OP was simply finishing hers. No one else shared their curry, why should it be different with OP?