My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

[Crispychillifriedbeef]

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver. We pay her well and she’s part of the family, she’s been with us 18 months with no problems.

My husband works full time and I’m a writer and a part time student. We have a small child at school and a two year old who is at home but attends an educational setting part time. My husband and I go to lots of events so need evening cover.

Anyway, we have been in our home country for 3 weeks over Christmas and the nanny has had 3 weeks paid leave. She sends me a WhatsApp today saying “I’ve had cosmetic surgery done” with various photos. She is expecting to be off work for 3-4 weeks. We come back to the country tomorrow so we’re expecting to see her tomorrow.

AIBU to be annoyed? This was sprung on me at the last minute.

I already posted upthread but is there a local community/chat/group to ask? Majority of the replies here will be UK centric and not relevant to the laws of wherever you are living.

If having the nanny enables both parents to work then I think her role is essential.

If my child's nursery phoned up and said "sorry we're closed for the next 3-4 weeks from tomorrow" we'd be screwed as my OH works Monday - Friday and I work Monday - Thursday!

I've never had a nanny so don't know how agency nannies work and how easy it is to get one at short notice, but I don't like the idea of finding some random person to come into my home look after my kids for a few weeks from tomorrow!! It took weeks to settle my child into nursery and get used to their carers there.

Sorry I admit I haven't read the entire thread so not sure if OP mentioned if both parents work or not, apologies if I've missed it!

This is definitely not the case. In my experience it would have to be booked as annual or unpaid leave. I have had two colleagues who had cosmetic procedures neither could take it as sick leave- they were not sick!!!

😐
It sounds as though you are treating her like a slave! Why don't you have a bit more respect for her and allow her 3 weeks holiday she needs. I bet she was glad to go for surgery for the break.
I know you won't want to hear this but I think it's disgraceful that you make her do all of those chores as well as looking after the children. Looking after children and cooking for them should be all she does as a nanny!
You are lucky to have her.

I think as someone else said it might be good to post on a board/forum in the country you live in as I imagine the set up is different and you won’t get the crazy replies you’re getting.

but in essence I agree that she’s totally out of order booking this without requesting the leave and leaving you in the lurch. If you’d had warning you may have been able to plan around it.

She’s just had 3 weeks holiday…

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver.
...basically, she does everything.
A Nanny would not do all of that here.

It is rather inconvenient and not very well planned on the nanny’s behalf as she knew when she was expected to return to work.
you say that if you were in your home country your parents would help out, is there no way they could travel back with you to help.
At the end of the day the nanny is an employee and it wouldn’t matter what field of work you were in this wouldn’t be acceptable to just expect to have another 3 to 4 weeks off with no notice to your employer.

Yep non essential surgery with not using her time off = no pay and no job

I'd go by the norms in the country, some places are different to others. But if you keep her on I'd be telling her very clearly what your expectations are in future. I would also see if she can come back in two weeks instead of three to four and do lighter duties (eg maybe not doing housework, you could do some food prep etc). I would be massively pissed off though and if i heard of another good nanny becoming available I'd think about replacing her, depending on how much the kids like her (and as above the norms of the country you are in, my DH's parents' housekeeper would regularly stay in her home country longer than agreed but it was the general approach people took in that country so anyone you'd replace her with would likely have done the same). Perhaps worth tying her into a bonus specifically around the preferred behaviour i.e. givingbsufficient notice for necessary leave and preagreeing it (which should be a given under her contract anyway but needs must when the norm is you do what you like).

Also a stay at home parent does all these jobs and more!🤷‍♀️😁

I did the same as a teacher of year one! She is being ridiculous.

Not ideal for you and poor planning by the nanny but I think you’ll manage somehow while you look for other help .
I managed with 3 children ( one with disabilities) and did absolutely everything at home too with no help whatsoever

OP's nanny does cooking, cleaning and laundry services!!!!!!!!!!
In addition to cc

She should have had the work done while you were away for three weeks. She's been deceitful IMO

Fire her. She should have informed you properly of the situation. Failure to turn up for work for a non-reason like this is gross misconduct.

UMC TYVM 😆

Well it sounds like you pay well.

I guess you need to decide between you whether this is acceptable. For me, no, it wouldn’t be.

She could have booked it in for the beginning of her leave, asked you in advance if she could take 4 weeks instead of 3 and you would have been able to make arrangements for her cover. Instead she has blindsided you and left you in the lurch.

Get legal advice re employment law in your country.

Then she'll gave to take it as holiday and/ or sick leave. Yes I agree short notice, surely she knew in advance she was having this surgery.
So how would you manage if she was seriously ill, car accident, emergency operation, that would be time off at short notice, you'd manage then.

Dogsbody for the entitled in other words!!

Everyone definitely does not have a housekeeper, nanny and driver 😂

Peak mumsnet!

Is she a good nanny housekeeper? Do your children like her? Are you comfortable with her in your home? If it's yes to all those then I'd say suck it up, it's only three weeks.

Yes, they know what's in your house and how much you've got but if you don't hire the local people then it's trouble. The op is making out it's some idyllic lifestyle it's not.

It’s totally out of order for her to spring elective surgery like this on you after the fact. She must have known for several weeks if not months that she was having the surgery. You would be justified in sacking her but that would depend on the laws in that country, how easy it is to find a replacement and how good an employee she has been so far.