My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

[Crispychillifriedbeef]

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver. We pay her well and she’s part of the family, she’s been with us 18 months with no problems.

My husband works full time and I’m a writer and a part time student. We have a small child at school and a two year old who is at home but attends an educational setting part time. My husband and I go to lots of events so need evening cover.

Anyway, we have been in our home country for 3 weeks over Christmas and the nanny has had 3 weeks paid leave. She sends me a WhatsApp today saying “I’ve had cosmetic surgery done” with various photos. She is expecting to be off work for 3-4 weeks. We come back to the country tomorrow so we’re expecting to see her tomorrow.

AIBU to be annoyed? This was sprung on me at the last minute.

Assuming you are employing this nanny legitimately, you need to contact your nanny payroll company and put her on SSP - statutory sick pay.

What a weird response. Would your response be the same if the OPs council run nursery had closed leaving her without childcare? Or do you have some weird fucked up view that a nanny is not actually necessary childcare

I'd be disappointed and pissed off too. She should have let you know well in advance so you could make alternative arrangements.

Why the heck didn't she have it done before christmas? I'd have to have a conversation with her before deciding how to move forward. Having said that, she could have just become ill so your writing will have to go on hold for now.

I'd get rid of her. She's abusing her position

Ok. And?

There won't be SSP, likely middle Eastern country if nanny, driver, cleaner is tge norm.

I am assuming poverty is an issue in the country you live in. My partner's mum had the same set up and hired local people to look after the house and gardens. She was kidnapped a few years ago.

And you just sound bitter 😂

This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver.

@Crispychillifriedbeef it’s not “everyone”: the housekeepers, nannies and drivers don’t have housekeepers, nannies and drivers. YABU for living in a wealthy bubble.

But yes, your nanny is unreasonable and unreliable for this, and you should get another.

My sister works for NHS and had quite a bit of cosmetic surgery and has never been off sick/has taken AL to recouperate.

There are some really odd posts on here. It's very normal for diplomats and their families to employ locals in quite a few places in the world. It would be odd not to.

For example. I don't know a single person (diplomat or other) who doesn't have an ayi in Shanghai.

Anyway OP. She should have let you know. Cosmetic surgery isn't a cause for sick leave (especially paid) and she doesn't need 3-4 weeks off for an eye lift anyway.

Tell her it's unpaid and not to do it again.

Not sure why my pp was deleted but to confirm I am bitter about my tax money being spent in this way

Isn't it ok for British people to object to funding an ayi when a DWP administrator couldn't expect the same boon?

My colleague was unable to get sick pay when she got cosmetic surgery.

I’d not be happy Op - she’s taking the piss. I’d get rid & look for someone reliable.

I suspect the decent wage depends on the country they are living and working in and who they are working for.

It’s the “she is part of our family” bit that made me vote that you’re being unreasonable. No, she’s not part of your family. She is paid to be there and she would not want to be there otherwise. I think this is when people generally tend to take advantage / expect more of their nannies. It’s a red flag thing to say for me - and nannies I know - after experience in this world.

It really sounds like you could cope looking after your own children for three weeks as someone who works part time. You and your spouse should just organise some time off and work it out along with the solution she has suggested.

She should have given you notice and I’m sure I’m being a little prejudice against you because of the language you used.

I see two sides, she has had this the day before you return rather than as soon as you left and so she has left you in the lurch.

alternatively this is someone who is running your life as you do no cooking, cleaning, childcare etc and also don’t work full time.

she is your child’s parent basically because you aren’t involved in the day and go out a lot at night. If this wasn’t the case you wouldn’t be stuck as your look after your child in the evening, speak to your employer/course tutor about emergency leave.

you state you pay her well but would you do all that work for what you pay? Or is she ‘cheap’ as you are in another country?

you need to evaluate how much you value her.

She is out of order @Crispychillifriedbeef

She shouldn't have done it, but the question is, is she a good nanny? Does your child get on with her?

Speak to her about how much reliability is important, give her a verbal warning and let her have 3 weeks unpaid leave.

@Pavementworrier sounds thoroughly bitter.

OP you are right to be pissed off and I think you should start looking for a replacement now.

Your "MiL" has been kidnapped?

What a wild take. Your taxes are paying a salary. How that salary is then put to use is none of your business. At all. Just as it is none of your business if your binman smokes the finest Cuban cigars, or your children’s primary school teacher has regular Botox.