Would you go 12 hours away, pregnant in the snow? How late in pregnancy would you travel?

[Mariaava]

Hello, I'm trying to figure it if I've made a mistake and if I'm just paranoid.

How late in pregnancy would you travel to a place 12 hours away? Would snow change that?

Longer story:

My family were all planning on getting together for Christmas. DB chose a place in the very north west of Scotland, despite us all being from the south west england. He is right in that our family all live in "cosy period" properties, and so couldn't host and his wife wanted to see snow for Christmas.

DB is in army so has been living abroad with his wife, and their two kids, so I don't get to see them much so I was really looking forward to it, as was my dm and df and the whole assorted family

We were however going through ivf (unknown to my family) when this was discussed. I should have probably have told them this but after all the emotions that go with it, I just didn't. Luckily it was successful and I'm now due in the end of feb.

I decided that travelling to a place 12 hours away from home probably wouldn't be a thing at pregnant. I was pretty concerned about snow and getting stuck there. My family all thought this was pretty feeble, My DB has lived in snowy countries alot so didn't understand my snow worries.

I think they got caught in a dilemma of going without me or not so DB cancelled the whole thing, DPs didn't get to see GC for Christmas and were very disappointed.

Obviously nothing happened, I'm here still firmly pregnant, and that area was mild snow with no transport issues so it does feel like I over reacted. I suppose the journey would have been uncomfortable, and spending all that time cooped together in the rain would have probably prompted a fall out.

How would you have travelled there?

All of us going by car i think. Although I did think about getting a train as would probably be more comfortable but then was worried about how id seek maternity help if needed when there

I've just seen it's snowed there in the last few days quite heavily so feel more vindicated!

How far would you have been from a hospital? How likely was it you would get snowed in where you were staying? How many weeks pregnant? How were you getting there?

It seems to me that there should have been a compromise to be made. Staying somewhere closer (so less driving/travelling), where you know you could get to hospital if needed. Ideally where your DB and his wife could drive to see snow!

I think you were unreasonable, sorry. How were you going to get there? I assume flying and hiring a car, or train. Would that be 12 hours away? If it was 12 hours’ driving, I wouldn’t like that.

If you had a long journey there and back with lots of sitting I would be concerned about DVT risk as it increases in pregnancy and fertility treatment can also be a risk factor.

For me it’s less about the being there and more about the getting there. In my second pregnancy I had issues with my pelvis so I couldn’t have travelled for hours comfortably because I couldn’t sit for long periods.

It's a shame they cancelled altogether.
How far from a maternity unit would you have been? I think that would have been my main consideration! More than 2 hours I wouldn't have been comfortable with, and the later on in pregnancy the closer I'd want to be! But we all have different levels of risk we are comfortable with.

Depending on how the pregnancy was going, I'd think it would probably be uncomfortable around 32-34 weeks by car, 36 by train. Plus you would have to take all the baby stuff just in case.

The snow wouldn't bother me... my DD2 was born in an isolated army base during a snowstorm.

I would travel anywhere, until about 37 weeks. But I am lucky to have low risk pregnancies.

I think it was unfortunate that you didn't tell anyone in advance and it seems like you cancelled plans at the last minute so I can understand people's frustration. Surely it wouldn't have been a long flight if you didn't fancy driving?

At 7 months pregnant I would have made the effort to get together especially given your brother lives abroad and you most likely won't want to see people next year once you've had the baby.

it depends on many factors but i wouldn’t have ruled it out right away.

I have a history of miscarriage, so I wouldn't have done it. However, I wouldn't have left it till the last minute to say so. I would have said something fairly early on.

If you are due end of Feb you would have known by June/July you were indeed pregnant. That was the point at which you should have spoken up.

I think it was a bit unreasonable of brother to book something so far away at a time of year when travel is often difficult, and expect the family to make such a long journey, regardless of your pregnancy. He could have booked the family Christmas get together somewhere easier to get to then taken his children to see snow separately.

But then having booked it, he needn't have cancelled, unless perhaps other family members were also not happy with the length of journey.

Hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes well.

(I must say when I saw your thread title, I was tempted to ask if your name is Mary.)

Flight wise wasn't doble. Nearest airport to destination was 4.5 hours away and I'm a good 2 hours away from an airport, or i could go to a different air port that was 3 hours away from destination but 3.5 hours from home so still at least 6 hours so it seemed worth it to just drive at that point

There wasn't good air links (on either side in the south west of England, or the north east of Scotland!) Its the tip of Scotland and I live in sommerset

My original plan was to drive because we would end up doing at least six hours to from the airports

Renting a car over christmas was a lot, and I knew I needed a car to access support if needed. Train journey would be an overnight stop and id have to leave in the morning and get there the following evening

Are you sure about that? Inverness airport to Durness (furthest point of NW Scotland) is about 2 hr 45m. Not 4.5 hours.
I know the area well. Maternity services are spread out, but there's an MLU in Wick so probably pretty close to where you were going based on your 4.5 hour overestimation!
It is further to travel to get to places, but people do manage to live and work here year round. It's not the moon.

You are fairly close to where we were looking!
Basically my local airport only flies to Edinburgh

I think you were sensible putting you and baby first. Your family should have gone without you and your brother's reaction cancelling it was an over-reaction and a shame for his kids and the grandparents. Not your problem. I say this as an IVF Mum.

I would up until a couple of weeks before due date, they do have hospitals in Scotland! I’m fine with snow, I don’t get the sheer panic that the media whips up about a few inches at most

He booked it because there was a decent chance of snow, there's no point looking back with hindsight and saying in fact it was just rain.

It was their decision to cancel - they could have had a lovely time with the kids and your parents. That isn't for you to worry about.

We did a similar journey up to Loch Fyne last year. It was a long old drive, even stopping overnight halfway. I'd have found it quite uncomfortable if I'd been heavily pregnant.

Hmm I would have done it but everyone’s pregnancy is different so you were right to trust your gut….however I think how you handled the situation matters the most here - did you give them plenty of notice ? Offer alternatives ? It’s a shame your parents missed out on Xmas with their Gc, I’m not sure how you saying no meant that it didn’t happen altogether ?

I've realised I've fudged the areas slightly by trying not to be too exposing)

I live in the sw nearer to Exeter Airport, and was going to the north west (i think I've said north west and north east interchangeably)

No I would not have travelled in my last 2 months of pregnancy and they should not have expected you to.
My in-laws expected me to travel at 8 months pregnant with a toddler and sleep on their lounge floor , whilst husbands sisters , not pregnant had beds.
My husband made the decision immediately that we would not be travelling.
Your family could have all met up without you , they probably wanted to stay at home so used you as an excuse.
Why would they want you to worry about something happening happening whilst away ? You would not have enjoyed your Christmas.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I guess i was more worried about highland snow then I am at home. I've got a regular old car, and suspect people that live more rurally in scotland probably don't drive my kind of car for that reason

I'm not normally a snow worrier

The nearest hospital was a few hours away, but even so I was worried that if something did happen, id be in a hospital 12 hours away from home!

How far gone are you?