Would you go 12 hours away, pregnant in the snow? How late in pregnancy would you travel?

[Mariaava]

Hello, I'm trying to figure it if I've made a mistake and if I'm just paranoid.

How late in pregnancy would you travel to a place 12 hours away? Would snow change that?

Longer story:

My family were all planning on getting together for Christmas. DB chose a place in the very north west of Scotland, despite us all being from the south west england. He is right in that our family all live in "cosy period" properties, and so couldn't host and his wife wanted to see snow for Christmas.

DB is in army so has been living abroad with his wife, and their two kids, so I don't get to see them much so I was really looking forward to it, as was my dm and df and the whole assorted family

We were however going through ivf (unknown to my family) when this was discussed. I should have probably have told them this but after all the emotions that go with it, I just didn't. Luckily it was successful and I'm now due in the end of feb.

I decided that travelling to a place 12 hours away from home probably wouldn't be a thing at pregnant. I was pretty concerned about snow and getting stuck there. My family all thought this was pretty feeble, My DB has lived in snowy countries alot so didn't understand my snow worries.

I think they got caught in a dilemma of going without me or not so DB cancelled the whole thing, DPs didn't get to see GC for Christmas and were very disappointed.

Obviously nothing happened, I'm here still firmly pregnant, and that area was mild snow with no transport issues so it does feel like I over reacted. I suppose the journey would have been uncomfortable, and spending all that time cooped together in the rain would have probably prompted a fall out.

You made a call and it may have been ok. But the decision is done and you should stop over thinking it.

The snow is a bit of an offexcuse as. Scotland is not Siberia. It is a few degrees cooler than south of England and real snow is rare unless you are up a mountain! It also has hospitals and the same emergency services as the rest of the country. BUT it is a long way to go in the car from Somerset. That's a big journey to do at 7 months pregnant. It would take you days to get there.

I wouldn’t have gone or asked my daughters to while that pregnant. Not so much snow as how far you would have been from a fully equipped hospital. After IVF this is very precious baby and you would not want to take any risks. Did your brother check with the rest of you that this worked for you all?

Honestly I couldn't travel that far in the third trimester. I was so so so uncomfortable and in so much pain it would have been impossible to sit in a car or train that long.

But I'd of insisted everyone go ahead without me and have fun.

I live in the UK so no ‘our’ here. Every time I flew in an airplane I had to show a doctors note past 28 weeks - airline insurance and rules. Yeah they let you fly but you need a note.

Did you completely miss the part where I said I lived in Scotland? And in England? I have been stuck on the motorway in the UK for 10 hours during a snowstorm I know how it is here.

Not in a city if that’s where you are going….

I think the snow, rural Scotland, long travel etc etc are all red herrings. What I am seeing from your post op is you understandably come over as a anxious person and a person who likes to be prepared and plan. Is this anxious just from pregnancy or have you always been this way? I get a feeling that family dynamics are a big part of this is anyone making you feel bad for cancelling?

You made a decision that was right for you and your baby and put boundaries in place and that's completely 100% fine. Your brother and family chose to cancel the holiday that's on them and them alone and nothing to do with you, you are in no way to blame for that.

I hope everything goes well for you in February you sound like a lovely person who is going to be a good mum 💐

I live near Aberdeen. The last few days have been hellish with really heavy snow made worse by high winds. It's real and not a media panic.

There is a lot of snow at the moment in the NE and N and maternity units are reassuring women that they have plans in place and are working with 4x4 drivers should they go into labour.

Why didn’t you fly from Bristol?

I'm not generally an anxious person, I'm normally fairly laid back.i wonder if that is in somehow made it worse because people then feel it's out of character for me so must be an excuse. Its difficult because I'm normally a hop on a train at short notice, independent person.

There is a backstory in that DB and wife tend to come home and dictate the plans and not leave much room for negotiation. DPs are always thrilled to see them so don't make a fuss but so I'm often the more pragmatic one that's seen as a party pooper (eg it's lovely you've made a suprise visit but as it's a suprise im now off to a set of 12hr shifts)

I was fairly confident in my choices but DM has been fussing abit about what a shame it is that I was "so worried", and DB has similar arguments to here of theres pregnant women in Scotland you know! Its just a bit of snow (ironically lived in one of the countries another poster has listed).

I did cancel fairly early too because I didn't want to pull out at the last min which I think made me look more worried. I was worried about suddenly pulling out a few weeks before and the money side for everyone at that point, while they saw it as a precious baby thing the second I got pregnant.

I did offer a compromise of less remote places because id of probably been upfor somewhere with better transport links eg Inverness or Edinburgh and obviously didn't demand they cancel it on my behalf. I think they struggled with hogmany bookings in more central places, and were a bit fixed in the original plan as it was a old family holiday spot for Dsil so just see me as an awkward person that booked ivf knowing this might happen.

I suddenly felt less confident being 33 weeks straightforward pregnancy and low snow. In someways the recent snow does prove my point a bit.

I won't pretend that I haven't then fell into a wormhole about pregnancy in the highlands, mostly because it's really interesting 😄😄

This was my thinking, but I'm still a few hours from Bristol, Inverness is then a few hours from where they were looking at booking. I figured by the time it was more than six hours of driving in a day, combined with all the airport hassle, needing to rent a car etc that it was probably no less work then driving straight

I tried to be clever by fudging where I live so it wasn't obviously identifying but that made it confusing about why Bristol wasn't easier

Firstly, the 12 journey is horrendous. I did a 12 hour flight in premium economy at 24 weeks pregnant and it was extremely uncomfortable. By 32 weeks, I couldn't sit in a car/train/whatever chair for more than 1-2 hours at a time. My pelvis, hips and back were killing me.

Secondly, travelling back 12 hours after a c section would be nearly impossible until 4-5 weeks after that. I wouldn't want to be stuck in an air BnB for the first 4 weeks of my baby's life.

And then there's all the extra stress about giving birth in an unfamiliar hospital etc.

I think they struggled with hogmany bookings in more central places, and were a bit fixed in the original plan as it was a old family holiday spot for Dsil so just see me as an awkward person that booked ivf knowing this might happen.

Have they said or implied that you shouldnt have had your IVF in advance of them visiting almost a year later?! Thats appalling!

They sound like truly awful people.

I wouldn't have gone anywhere with them if that is how they behave.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. Your brother is. I live up here and am familiar with it. The roads are not good at the best of times and if something happens like an accident then the road can be closed for many hours. Too much of a risk. And for what?! Like why could he not even have gone for the borders or the lakes. Hope your delivery goes smoothly and you enjoyed a restful peaceful festive season.

Another issue that needs considered is the maternity services available where you were meant to be going.Where I live , midwives are only on call around the due date for planned births. Holiday makers who present in labour to our small a and e dept at our hospital get looked after by GPS and staff nurses, all of whom have had some training but very limited experience in delivering babies. Transport to bigger hospitals is always weather dependant and eg helicopters are frequently delayed or cancelled or diverted to more urgent patients. So dont assume midwives are always available or that it is alwayseasy to get transferred to midwifery services.
Regardless of the weather conditions, OP you made the correct and safest decision for you and your baby. Wishing you all the best.

A phone call to the nearest maternity units would have meant the OP being given the advice not to travel. The weather warnings was advising no unnecessary travelling. At seven months pregnant it would be a ridiculous journey to make. It wouldn't be a great journey back, with a newborn in January/February, especially after a C Section etc.

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. By and large anyone that thinks you were is either clueless or has had the good fortune to have a straightforward birth / pregnancy.

Many moons ago I'd have fallen into the clueless category. However, I visited relatives (4 hour drive away) at 5 months into a low risk and unremarkable pregnancy. My waters broke spontaneously and the nearest hospital was an hour away. Needless to say baby died and I had to give birth to baby hundreds of miles from home.

Sorry to add. After that pregnancy I wouldn't travel more than an hour away from my hospital. Appreciate that was probably a bit extreme but worked out well for me as my eldest ended up being delivered at 24 weeks.

Perfectly understandable and a salutory lesson to those implying that the OP is a wimp or feeble.

I am so sorry that you lost your little one x

I wouldn't have driven 12 hours (then had to do the same to get home) at 7 months pregnant. No way. Just far too uncomfortable regardless of if I were going somewhere remote or if I were staying next door to a big City hospital with a maternity unit.

Quite frankly, it wouldn't appeal to me even when not pregnant.

You made a decision that was right for you and your baby and put boundaries in place and that's completely 100% fine. Your brother and family chose to cancel the holiday that's on them and them alone and nothing to do with you, you are in no way to blame for that.

I have to agree with this.

Actually, there are no hospitals in north-west Sutherland. Nearest maternity unit (midwife led) is in Caithness - about 2 hours away) but anyone with any kind of complication would have to go to Inverness which is more than 2 hours away (in different direction) as well. I should add that a good bit of the drive to either place would be on single track roads with passing places.

Speaking as someone who lives in the Highlands, we do get real snow too - today large areas here are affected by heavy snow and ice. I have lived in Switzerland and while the Highlands don't get the frequency or volume of snow the Alps area gets, when it snows here it often drifts and/or freezes so driving conditions can be pretty bad.

So, OP, I think your decision was quite wise!

Can I also take the chance to highlight how poor the situation is for pregnant women who live in the far north of Scotland? Women in labour frequently have to be driven from Caithness to Inverness because the Caithness Unit only offers a limited service.

Its not an explicit thing

Personally u think when you first start ttc you are really conscious of what your due date would be each month etc, and then after a while you sort of stop keeping track

The implication has been why not do ivf the month after then I would have been able to go, and obviously I knew ivf was planned when we first started talking about the Scotland trip

Thank you (and all the other highland ladies!) for sharing about your midwife care. Its not something I've ever really heard of or thought about and feels really different from other midwife type care in the uk.
It's really interesting how the logistics work, especially over winter when roads and snow gates get closed.

My original plan here was to have a home birth, but that decision is very different based on knowing that I've got quick access to a hospital and scbu type settings vs if you've got to be helicopters to help!

I also feel like I know fairly little of life in the highlands over winter in general. I come from a rural community so know about snow generally, but it was clear from a quick Google that its probably not the same and I shouldnt assume that by highland snow they mean my kind of snow

I think its really easy to take for granted that people will be getting sprinklings of snow that clear in a day or so, that we will be in an hour so of a proper hospitals and that huge chunks of the road network won't close. The uk definitely isn't a homogeneous lump!

I briefly lived up in Yorkshire for bit, and was fascinated at how people were prepared for sudden isolation because of transport links across the moors in a way that us southerners dont