Would you go 12 hours away, pregnant in the snow? How late in pregnancy would you travel?

[Mariaava]

Hello, I'm trying to figure it if I've made a mistake and if I'm just paranoid.

How late in pregnancy would you travel to a place 12 hours away? Would snow change that?

Longer story:

My family were all planning on getting together for Christmas. DB chose a place in the very north west of Scotland, despite us all being from the south west england. He is right in that our family all live in "cosy period" properties, and so couldn't host and his wife wanted to see snow for Christmas.

DB is in army so has been living abroad with his wife, and their two kids, so I don't get to see them much so I was really looking forward to it, as was my dm and df and the whole assorted family

We were however going through ivf (unknown to my family) when this was discussed. I should have probably have told them this but after all the emotions that go with it, I just didn't. Luckily it was successful and I'm now due in the end of feb.

I decided that travelling to a place 12 hours away from home probably wouldn't be a thing at pregnant. I was pretty concerned about snow and getting stuck there. My family all thought this was pretty feeble, My DB has lived in snowy countries alot so didn't understand my snow worries.

I think they got caught in a dilemma of going without me or not so DB cancelled the whole thing, DPs didn't get to see GC for Christmas and were very disappointed.

Obviously nothing happened, I'm here still firmly pregnant, and that area was mild snow with no transport issues so it does feel like I over reacted. I suppose the journey would have been uncomfortable, and spending all that time cooped together in the rain would have probably prompted a fall out.

That is still a batshit requirement to put on you, to delay your IVF just for a family trip. No normal reasonable thinking person would request that of a relative, even implicitly.

You did the right thing.
How uncomfortable, driving all that way, and you couldn't predict how you would be coping with your pregnancy.

The rest of the family could have met up without you.

I think you made the right call. I'm 16 weeks and had a small nothing to worry about bleed last week, but needed to stop by my EPU last week for an injection. I couldn't imagine the stress if i had been hours away from a hospital and having to travel in the snow.

It's a doable trip if everything is ok, but not worth the risk.

You make your decisions for yourself and your baby when you are pregnant and no matter what anyone else thinks, you do what you feel is right and take no risks. We had a situation over Christmas where the toddler in the party was unwell (we didn't know what was wrong, but she was being sick and had a high temperature) so we pre-warned a pregnant relative about that to give her the choice whether to join us or not. She and her husband decided not to, which I fully supported, but other family members thought that was 'feeble' 'overreaction' and 'she didn't want to come anyway'. I felt very strongly that you don't take risks and you don't put yourself in any situation you aren't happy with.

Presumably though, those pregnant woman would be a lot closer to home than 12 hours away if they went into early labour. They would not have the same logistics of being stuck a 12 hour drive from home alone with prem baby. They also would not have to worry about getting said prem baby home once all was well. Not to mention the added expense of accommodation for the mother while the baby is in hospital. Being pregnant in your own locality and something going wrong is very different to being 12 hours away.

I've just discovered a highlands midwife programme that will probably solve lots of my curiosity!

Thanks all, it's interesting to see the range of views which reflects some of the conversations I've had over it. Family fall on the " I travelled to far flung country whilst giving birth, southerners are scared of a flurry, all an excuse" type thing, friends tend to fall into "i didn't want to move off my sofa at that point" and I think i sit somewhere in the middle.

I'm confident that I'm not being feeble, but also that my family aren't completely out of the norm for thinking i am!

I think you did the right thing OP.
Im up in Scotland and when the snow properly comes down (as it has been) it is treacherous and roads go from open to gated “no go” very quickly.

Define “real snow”? Family up in the north east (who can see the sea from their house) have two feet snow drifts and more snow is on the way. Their drive was blocked and only cleared because the bloke next door has a plant hire business and took a digger to it this morning.

This is a valid concern. I very nearly gave birth in London at 26 weeks. Thankfully DD held on and came 3 weeks later at home. Her NNICU journey was relatively straightforward but still meant 6 weeks in hospital. How the hell we’d have coped with twice that length in NNIUC in London doesn’t bear thinking about.

I wouldn’t have travelled - snow or not, 12 hours is a long time to sit in a car.

I must admit that I’m not sure why the rest of the family didn’t just carry on without you? Why did the whole thing get canceled just because you opted out?

Yes I agree that being in your own area is preferable but plenty of people go on babymoons and holidays, weekends away, have to travel for work etc. You research what is available and make a risk based decision. The OP sounds like being in north west highland Scotland and snow risk was her main concerns and other posters are clear,y concerned about the risk of premature birth. Having given birth in the Highlands and Islands my experience is that it would be perfectly reasonable to stay in that area at 32 weeks for Christmas; I would have broken up the drive with overnights or flown and then driven.

I don't think you were unreasonable to not want to travel that distance whilst heavily pregnant regardless of the snow issue. I found it very uncomfortable to sit for long periods of time in my second pregnancy.
You don't say when you decided not travel, you may have been a little unreasonable if it was at the last minute - but your baby would always come first and it's your choice.
Your DB was unreasonable to cancel the trip for everyone, the rest of your family could have gone with no issues.

Yes. It’s not that you think you are ‘special’, it’s that you are more likely to see the risk in everything and see having babies as problematic. I think I went away, abroad, at 5 months but even then I checked there was a good hospital a short drive away. No way would I have done this trip! And no way would I have flagged a possibility of pregnancy whilst doing IVF. Suffice to say, I’d have had egg on my face many times over with that pre-announcement.

I would not have wanted to do this - you had every right to do what felt ok for you. I hope you did let them know as soon as you could that you would not be able to go - it sounds unrealistic of your brother to expect everyone to travel so far.

I'm 6 months pregnant and I would have gone. I wouldn't have in the last month of pregnancy.
So 32 weeks is borderline I guess but I probably would have gone as long as it was in the UK, with a car, and pregnancy was normal. But I passed on my BF hen do a few years ago at 28 weeks, because it was abroad.

I find the comments about "they have hospital in Scotland" interesting. When you have your care plan ready at your hospital of choice, the last thing you want to do is rush to an unknown place to give birth, then be released with a 24 hours old baby back to a rental property, 12 hours drive from your home...

It's a long long way to the north west of Scotland. 6 hours plus from Edinburgh by car. Inverness probably nearest airport and 3-4 hours from there. It's a wonderful place but I wouldn't be travelling there at that stage of pregnancy. If you choose to live there then you accept the risks but not for a holiday.

I live in Scotland and we are snowed in no schools are open no buses coming up to us we only have a little village shop. Nearest hospital would be 48min drive away,but because it's snowing longer. Then you were going to drive up here when I was pregnant I would get my husband to pull over every 20 minutes to pee and that was going from Derby to Birmingham so can you imagine how many times you would have to pull over coming up to Scotland. And 12 hrs how uncomfortable especially pregnant I drive just over 6 going to visit family in Birmingham and that kills me

We drove south coast to Inverness 6 weeks before I was due. It was fine but I’m like wtf in hindsight, but at the time I was determined not to cancel everything ‘just’ because I was pregnant. (Also IVF). You have to do what you’re comfortable with, although I do get that your family probably feel they could have had more notice. They also could have gone ahead without you & DH though so they’ve cut their nose off to spite their face there!

You've done the right thing for you. Over Christmas in nw Scotland rain/flooding/ice and contending with idiots who treat the A9 as a racetrack would have been a my usual concern but this year the snow has been far heavier than usual. It's not the same experience as in Central Scotland/further down because of the nature of the roads and way infrastructure is set up.

Plenty of us who have lived more remotely or travel in the highlands and islands regularly are comfortable driving in those conditions, but thats because we have the experience of doing so. You don't, and that's reason enough to say that at 32 weeks you dont fancy it.

We regularly drive to the remote north west of Scotland from the Central Belt. The drive takes 4.5 hours. We were there for Hogmanay and after. We left a day early because of the forecast and it took 6 hours to get back. The direct road was closed because of snow and the driving conditions were difficult.
Your 12 hour drive would have taken much, much longer. You were right not to do it while heavily pregnant. You gave plenty of notice to the family and they should be delighted about your much longed for pregnancy and supportive of you. The weather conditions need to be treated with respect and so does a heavily pregnant woman. If you went into premature labour at 32 weeks you would be in a hazardous place wherever you were in the country. They could have gone without you or at a different time. I’m sure all will be forgotten when the baby arrives. You were not unreasonable under the circumstances.