Would you go 12 hours away, pregnant in the snow? How late in pregnancy would you travel?

[Mariaava]

Hello, I'm trying to figure it if I've made a mistake and if I'm just paranoid.

How late in pregnancy would you travel to a place 12 hours away? Would snow change that?

Longer story:

My family were all planning on getting together for Christmas. DB chose a place in the very north west of Scotland, despite us all being from the south west england. He is right in that our family all live in "cosy period" properties, and so couldn't host and his wife wanted to see snow for Christmas.

DB is in army so has been living abroad with his wife, and their two kids, so I don't get to see them much so I was really looking forward to it, as was my dm and df and the whole assorted family

We were however going through ivf (unknown to my family) when this was discussed. I should have probably have told them this but after all the emotions that go with it, I just didn't. Luckily it was successful and I'm now due in the end of feb.

I decided that travelling to a place 12 hours away from home probably wouldn't be a thing at pregnant. I was pretty concerned about snow and getting stuck there. My family all thought this was pretty feeble, My DB has lived in snowy countries alot so didn't understand my snow worries.

I think they got caught in a dilemma of going without me or not so DB cancelled the whole thing, DPs didn't get to see GC for Christmas and were very disappointed.

Obviously nothing happened, I'm here still firmly pregnant, and that area was mild snow with no transport issues so it does feel like I over reacted. I suppose the journey would have been uncomfortable, and spending all that time cooped together in the rain would have probably prompted a fall out.

Well I would say that this is all on your brother. You all live in the SW and yet he chose somewhere about as far away as you can get and then threw his toys out of his pram when circumstances meant one person couldnt go. You not going was sensible. There have been travel warnings all over the place, and thats bad enough without chucking a pregnancy into the mix as well. You had to make a judgement call without the benefit of a crystal ball, and you went with the least risky option. I dont see how anyone could criticise you for that.

I suspect his tantrum came about when he realised how wildly unrealistic his plan was in llight of your pregnancy and rather than admit that he just stropped.

The guilt should be his not yours.

and they should not have expected you to.

To be fair I don't think there would have been any expectation for the OP to have done so had she said upfront that she wasn't comfortable travelling at 7 months pregnant. It seems like any frustration from her brother or parents has come from everything being changed last minute.

The OP knew all the details in advance and chose to agree to attend only to seemingly wait until late in the day to pull out.

32 weeks

I pulled out at about 16 weeks pregnant. I agreed to it before I was pregnant (but admittedly knowing I was going for ivf), obviously told my mum at around 12 weeks, brother shortly after. It was around 14 weeks that I suddenly realised that it might not be doable

At 7 months pregnant I wouldn’t have fancied travelling 12 hours each way for anything less than a dire emergency. Probably should have told them before though - but frankly it was a daft idea to go that far in the first place.

I didn't travel abroad (ferry) last Christmas with a due date of February out of caution, having had a very premature birth in the previous pregnancy even though there would have been hospitals close by. Would definitely not have travelled somewhere particularly remote in the same country. As long as you were happy for them to carry on without you they should have gone ahead and been understanding if you'd skipped one Christmas!

This!

So you cancelled back in late summer not long after it was all booked? Your post did make it sound like it was a very last minute change of mind because of the weather warnings to be fair.

Then it sounds fine.

I dont blame you for wanting to keep the IVF quiet, the stats are not in your favour when getting treatment (congratulations on your success btw!).

At 16 weeks the pregnancy is going well so I would say that it was the right time to cancel. Your brother having a strop is not your fault!

Snow in UK is not snow. We over react. Having lived in Germany for 5 years they have snow.

28 weeks at the most. I went to in laws 4 hours away at 34 weeks but took hospital bag and notes and had my friends car seat on standby!

Take the snow out of the equation and I still wouldnt have gone!

12 hours from home and several hours from the nearest hospital in late pregnancy? Not a chance!

I also had ivf the first pregnancy and I think that skews your thoughts a bit too

I think you were sensible. That’s a really long journey when pregnant, especially 32 weeks. It would not have been enjoyable at all. Add on the risk of snow and being remote and it really wouldn’t have been worth the risk for me. You didn’t ask your DB to cancel the whole event for everyone, that’s on him. You just said you and your DH couldn’t attend anymore which is reasonable. Especially as you let them know a while ago. You’ve done nothing wrong at all.

I’d have gone. But I’ve lived up in the Alps.

Also lived in very hot countries and my ds was born in one and so laugh when people say they can’t go to somewhere hot or snowy whilst pregnant or with babies - because for many that’s just how life is all the time!

But I also think if I hadn’t have done that I may have a different attitude for I don’t think YABU because you did what you thought was best for you.

Snow in UK is not snow.

It can be sometimes. Roads can be impassable and places cut off. Was it last winter or the one before some people were snowed up in a pub for a few days? And had a jolly good time, it seems, but not what you'd want if you were pregnant.

Depends how far you would have been from a hospital if something happened, I would have gone if it was before 36 weeks, there was a hospital with maternity dept a reasonable drive away and I was having a healthy pregnancy and felt ok.
Snow makes it more complicated and I would have cancelled if there was heavy snow making driving more dangerous and risking being snowed in.
I think it was quite a stupid idea on the whole though, surely you could have done something closer to home. A 12h drive in winter is never the best idea especially with DC and a pregnant woman.

You were sensible. All those saying "there are hospitals in NW Scotland" - well yes but if you had delivered at 32 weeks you would have been stuck many hours from home until your premature baby was strong enough to travel. I say this as someone who delivered one preemie at 33 weeks (waters went at 31) and another at 35 weeks, when I was meant to be on the sleeper train to Scotland for a work meeting - I am so glad I didn't deliver her in Dundee!

I think agreeing to begin with was the mistake. The whole family driving 12 hours for a Christmas meet up is insane. If you had refused from the start, could you have then made other plans, so everyone gets to see everyone in a more central location. Dropping out of something thats already booked is kind of poor form.

All my kids were born at less than 35 weeks, so after dd1 I guess I would've been less likely to travel remotely.

My brother has a house on Harris, I sure as shit wouldn't be travelling there. Around Fort William, aye maybe.

I live in the Borders and it's an hour to the hospital from here, luckily I'm not having anymore kids but if I planned to do so I'd be living in the city in the last trimester.

Part of the A9 (the main road north) is closed today due to snow, and it’s not uncommon in winter. Closed often for accidents too all year round.

The main hospital for the Highlands is in Inverness, which can be a good 4 hours drive for some people to get to. Even then Raigmore can’t treat everything and you may be taken to Aberdeen.

I saw holidaymakers in a campervan today in the Highlands and thought WTF are they thinking 🤣 It’s a rubbish place to visit over winter!

I’ve driven north from the south of England a few times, once it took 14 hours and it was an awful drive. I can’t imagine being 7 months pregnant would make it any more enjoyable.

I got stuck on a motorway alone with a 2 year old whilst heavily pregnant, and it was a horrible experience. The cause was an accident further along, and we didn’t move for many hours. I couldn’t go to the loo, with a babies head on my bladder, and I felt terrible. I wouldn’t advocate it.

Could not agree more. What a storm in a tea cup.

I am from Canada. We know what snow is and I have lived in the UK including Scotland so I know ‘UK snow’. I have also had a child in a snow month so I get it. I know the UK doesnt deal well but your reasoning is an excuse for the fact that you didn’t want to go. That’s fine but maybe just say that. Otherwise at 32 weeks you wouldn’t have been looking at flying as most airlines won’t let you fly after 28 weeks.

Massive overreaction. Even if it was a blizzard the whole country doesn't shut down for weeks. What do you think Scottish women do in a similar situation?

Don't beat yourself up about this. The thought of sitting in a car for 12 hours at 32 weeks pregnant would be my idea of hell.

Honestly, I had a tricky pregnancy but I'd have gone.

It's not so much that it's not doable, it's not that you didn't want to. There would have been nothing unsafe about you travelling to Scotland at 32 weeks.