AIBU to think we can’t profoundly change ourselves after middle age?

[wildfellhall]

Or to think it is impossible for most of us to really change our behaviour in later life ? And how do those who do so pull it off?

I'm not sure that's true. It depends what you mean by middle age.

At 48, after not owning a pair of trainers since school, I took up running and have run regularly for 14 years.
And I changed my diet significantly three years ago to mainly plant based.

My mother became the most fantastic confident woman in her 50s - I think through some quiet epiphanies and circumstance. She also started running in her 60s. I adore and admire her so much.

I think you can. My dad turned from a happy jokey bloke to a full on grumpy bastard so surely it's not impossible 🤣

I think you can if you want to. I made a decision at 40 to stop being so afraid of trying stuff. I didn’t change overnight but over the past few years I started a new hobby, joined two sports clubs, including football after a lifetime thinking I hated team sports (thank you, school PE!) and also got my motorcycle licence. Not sure if it’s a midlife crisis type situation or what, but I’m definitely happier living like this!

Mine too.

I'm gonna guess we're not the only ones😂

Double post.

I think that you can change yourself if you’re really motivated. Often it’s associated with increased confidence and also the realization that time is passing quickly - if you want to do something, you’d getter get on with it. 😂

I know several people in their 50’s and 60’s who are getting new qualifications, traveling, taking up new hobbies, because they know that they need to do it now, not in 10 years.

I would hope we can. I am late 30s and I am still very much learning and looking for self improvement.

great replies thank you 🙏!

Dh (55) has just finished an OU degree. Took him six years so mega committed.

absolutely yes! At 55 I relocated to a new area, took up new hobbies, started to travel-mostly solo

I love my new life!

Of course you can! Sometimes it takes therapy or a lot of self reflection and work but you can.

Isnt that what mid life crises are all about

I was diagnosed at 65 as ADHD - gave me a completely different take on my past life and changes to improve it in the future.

It feels rather ageist and limiting to think otherwise! At 50 I started a new hobby unexpectedly, became passionate about it, qualified to teach it and had a full career change. Or are you maybe talking about your personality/internal rumination style? I feel I softened my rigidity a lot, that took some effort to do!
If you’re talking about even older - my mother got her last degree aged 68.

I left teaching at 45, learned a trade and started a whole new life and I love it.

With respect OP, that's rubbish. I spent my entire career as a secretary sat at a desk then at 61 took on a builder's apprentice role (at my husband's business) and now work on building sites. I have just built a deck from scratch, 5 metres in the air balancing on beams (hence my username), I use all sorts of power tools, I climb ladders, install guttering, carry heavy pieces of wood, drive the van, etc. I never thought I would be able to do any of this.

Loving these inspiring posts. I’ve been in a bit of a rut recently but there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

I stoped drinking at 46. This led to me becoming fitter than ever, and very committed to exercise (mainly after watching my parents suffer in their later years and wanting to avoid doing the same as much as possible).

I took up art lessons, which has led to a wonderful group of new friends and a passion for drawing and painting that I never knew I had.

I did a Masters, which led to another group of great friends.

And I bought a horse! Who has become my best friend of all.

It ain’t over till it’s over, OP.

This is brilliant.

Being able to adapt is the reason human beings are the success they are.

We have the necessary skills to change depends if you want to.

100% you can change. This is backed by studies and I see it anecdotally. You can just choose to do something differently
Eg A family friend now says yes to everything so they try things and are more adventurous

Is there a reason you're asking OP?

You definitely can OP! I quit drinking nearly 2 years ago & it has changed me & how I live my life massively! I was heading for an early grave but now I’m just entering my 60s & making all sorts of plans! Hoping to learn Italian, join a musical theatre singing group, go to fitness classes including Pilates which I used to really enjoy, plan to research cheap flights & just go somewhere I’ve never visited before, set up a You Tube channel for my piano playing & more! Plus being sober has given me a much closer, calmer relationship with DD17. I’m a better Mum for sure. Also as I get older, I’m taking less crap from people & that includes friends. Realised that some of my friends were actually bringing me down & that I don’t need that negativity! I really did used to tolerate a lot!