...to wish DD's boyfriend wasn't so good looking?

[ItWasntMeOnTheCounter]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. They've been together for about a year, and are completely smitten - adore each other, have really compatible senses of humour, just "get" each other, etc. They are each other's first partners. I really like BF - he's kind, open and sweet.

BF is good looking in a way which tends to get really noticed - he's been approached repeatedly by modelling agencies, and recently he's been considering whether he should sign up to one. DD very supportive of whatever he wants to do, of course.

Anyway... I can't help worrying and thinking that very good looking males tend to portend heartache. AIBU to think it's possibly going to make things really hard on the relationship? I'm not intending to do DD down with this post - she's beautiful, and she's clever, and funny, and generally fantastic. But looks have never been much of a "thing" in our family - generally, we're quite ordinary looking (although I think DD much better looking than DH or I ever were) and talents lie elsewhere.

I know it's really unusual that a relationship is for the long run anyway at 17, so feel mildly ridiculous writing this post, but they're both currently so serious about the relationship and DD wants and considers it to be the "real thing". Also - DH and I met at 15 and are still together 30 years later, so....

AIBU to worry about it?!

Weird thing to worry about. It's statistically unlikely he will be the man she spends the rest of her life with but he's not more likely to turn into a massive arsehole just because he's good looking.

Mums will worry about something. I understand - at the minute he’s lovely - but I guess you’re worried at some point looks will go to his head and he will get loads of female attention. You can’t anticipate what will happen. As you say - they are very very young and it’s unlikely to make it through the long haul. I do find other responses rude though - suggesting this is a batshit post. OP has been worrying - and wanted to get it off her chest. People worry about all sorts of things.

Here, here. I've been cursed with overly good looks for all my life in a bigly way.

I was appoached by an agency once to model for a Henry Moore sculpture but declined as I didn't want to be constantly bothered by people on the street who would instantly recognise me.

The really gorgeous men don’t tend to cheat as much! It’s the less good looking ones (who are also arseholes) that cheat every chance they get because they want their ego massaged.

Attraction isn't always to do with looks ,a man I used to work with was objectively not good looking, but he was extremely charming and flirtatious and had lots of female attention.

Most people who cheat have low self esteem, so I’d be more concerned about that than looks

You sound like my son's girlfriend's parents a few years ago.

They were worried he would break her heart and mess up her final year of school. She was 16 when they started going out and they've been together around 4 years.

He's very good looking, charming and popular but he's a one girl guy and he adores and admires his girlfriend.

He's also had mental health issues in the past so I was also worried how much it would impact HIM if they broke up. Good looking doesn't automatically mean disloyal

Ive dated people who are conventionally beautiful, conventionally ugly, and in the middle. Each one had their plus sides and negative sides and entirely different relationship approach.

Only one man had looks as his only positive, with zero others - he was absolutely stunning to look at and he was dull as dishwater, disloyal, the opposite of smart. I had very little interest in him after about a week and he hooked up with a “friend” of mine who thought she was getting one over on me until she realised (very quickly) that he was utterly insufferable.

One man was conventionally not attractive but not ‘repulsive’, and I adored him, but he was quite self obsessed. Fun on the surface, but miserable underneath. He broke up with me. He cheated on me with a girl far less traditionally attractive than I was at the time.

I had a boyfriend at 18 who was really good looking and everyone had a thing for him - I thought I was the cat who got the cream, until we started dating and it turned out he was not mysterious and cool, he was just insecure and boring.

a friend of mine at seventeen was a stunning girl. Absolutely head turning gorgeousness. Fell head over heels for a boy/man, seventeen too, who was a lovely man but he broke up with her because he found her a bit fickle - she was not, just not as relentlessly activists as him. everyone was shocked - why would heee break up with herrrr? Well he didn’t want to spend his time with someone who didn’t excite him. Same way I liked the look of the beautiful guy who turned out to be tear-inducingly stupid and dull. i guess the same way the unattractive fun but miserable guy didn’t want to spend all his time with me because he found my mental health hard to handle and frankly probably found me irritating.

another friend of mine was conventionally not attractive - at least girls didn’t think so. Men flocked to her because she thought she was the best thing since sliced bread and they just swarmed her. Actually I have another friend like this now and she is a magnet. But she hasn’t got any of the features you’d expect men to like. She’s just so powerful in herself. And that doesn’t come from the way she looks. It comes from her idea of herself that she projects out to the world.

my point being that looks literally mean nothing. Like they help attract before conversation, that is true. But they don’t keep. And if your daughter has managed to snag herself a hot fish, you don’t need to worry about the attracting, you need to let her and him decide whether they want to do the keeping. And yes, a fancier looking rainbow fish might swim by, and he might go off with her. But then he wasn’t your daughter’s fish.

And you know what, the cool guy I dated at 18 who was super good looking but actually insecure…is now an absolutely average, dad bod, balding admin worker. At 18 though, he could’ve easily been offered a modelling contract.

your daughter is beautiful. So are you. Even models aren’t static images. They’re people with a whole load of 3d behind what you see at first glance.

You don’t need to cling on to the idea that you’re different to someone who has a face that lies together in a way you think other people will appreciate. You don’t sit in a different category. They aren’t superior. And you’re not superior because you happened to find a man and have a good relationship. It isn’t the looks, or lack thereof, that did that. It was just that you and him wanted to keep each other.

There is no correlation between looks and behaviour in relationships, some of the biggest shits to women I've known have been men that should have been extremely grateful any woman ever even looked at them and some of the most faithful and devoted men have been extremely handsome.

His character’s more important of course, but I’ll agree with you that if he’s exceptionally good looking, there’ll always be the issue of other women testing the waters.. but what happens totally depends on his character.

I know what you mean, OP. When I was dating, the best looking guys did tend to be the biggest dickheads. It’s not a foregone conclusion though. If this guy, at 17, is as decent has you say he is, then not much is going to turn him into a dickhead now. He’s had his foundations fairly set.

They certainly can and my ex is testament to that!! 😂

Anyone can cause heartache regardless how they look.
If you mean my acting on attention he receives then that's on him as a person not how he looks and as someone else mentioned ugly people can do the same if their head is turned.
Odd thing to be worrying about especially when it isn't even your relationship. But thinking someone could be a cheater or whatever just because they are good looking is very odd.

Looks have always been a “thing” in my family. We are all generally considered very beautiful/head turning.

I am the above, plus intelligent, funny, witty, and generous. Yet here I am sat heartbroken after being used and dumped by someone who was none of those things!

youre worrying about the wrong stuff

They are 17, back off and let them get on with it, they’ll probably have a million partners each before they settle down, just as youngsters should. What a weird thing to think about, leave them alone.

This is interesting as I genuinely don't think I've ever seen someone head turning.

I've seen good looking people sure but an actual head turner then nope.

She is so lucky to have to someone who gets her.

I dated a man many years ago, when I was 21, we were together 2 years and lived together for a time. He was a gorgeous looking man, women noticed him. Countless times, he's been slipped phone numbers by waitresses/bar staff/random women - all when I've been with him!! However, he was a shy person, didn't like to be the centre of attention and couldn't see what women saw in him. I used to watch him cringe in embarrassment, when yet another woman approached him. He wasn't big headed, never had an ego and saw himself as just an average bloke.

Your daughter's boyfriend is a lovely looking lad, but by all accounts he's not egotistical or arrogant, because of it. He appears he's just as smitten with your daughter, as she is him. You say he's kind, and treats your daughter well.

Let the relationship run. It's unlikely the relationship will last, as they mature and perhaps want different things, they will naturally split. However, like you and your husband, perhaps they won't! Who knows.

Trust is your daughter's biggest hurdle, she has to trust him. She may need to grow a thick skin too. From experience, I can tell you, that some women don't give two hoots if a man has a girlfriend - they see a good looking man, and decide they want him. It's almost like tunnel vision. Women can be nasty, and jealous if they think you have what they want.

Men will cheat regardless of their looks. You are assuming that due to your daughter's boyfriend's looks, he's more likely to stray, than someone who's perhaps average. My ex was model material (he wasn't tall enough in reality, but looks wise definitely), but cheating wouldn't have entered his head. Not all men cheat.

I remember when i was 16 or 17 and had a boyfriend, everyone was so jealous because he was the actual hottest person i have ever seen. I broke his heart big time. Gosh…memories from over two decades ago.

op…come on.

You’re finding something to worry about when nothing exists

Funnily enough, my mate in school was with a boy in school who was scouted to be a model (he’s still a model nearly 15 years later) she was extremely pretty and he was striking- very angular and tall, shaggy hair, like he belonged in a rock band. Anyway the were both head over heels but the relationship ran its course, he went over to Japan for a long time modelling and long distance was too difficult

Sorry OP this is all in your head.

Better to be with a pretty man than an ugly one.

Ugly men are the worst, especially if they're insecure. At least with a pretty one, you can have him in your photos and nod to yourself that he was pretty.

Your daughter is also a teenager, heartache and bumps come with relationships, it's how she chooses to ride it out that's the kicker.

My dd met her bf at Uni and they have been together since they were 19 and are now 27 and no longer live in the UK. Academically wise he’s achieved more than my dd and will eventually be a PhD Dr. Does this make him any better than my dd - no. She’s the one with the great job and salary, whilst helping support him through the PhD. The point is they balance each other.

The thing i would worry about is how many of her young and older cohort are going to throw themselves at him for his looks. I think it's a genuine concern. I hope he's a good, honourable young man. There's absolutely nothing you can do to protect her, sadly.